TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Charitable giving—that is, the voluntary donation of money to charities—is important in many societies. Some people prefer to give to charities that provide help all over the world, while others prefer to give to local charities that focus on solving problems in the giver's own community. For individuals who want to give to only one of those types of charities, international or local, which is the better choice? Why?
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Charitable giving—that is, the voluntary donation of money to charities—is important in many societies. Some people prefer to give to charities that provide help all over the world, while others prefer to give to local charities that focus on solving problems in the giver's own community. For individuals who want to give to only one of those types of charities, international or local, which is the better choice? Why?
Student A
Student B
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In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that international charities are better choices. There are several important reasons for my perspective. The most important reason is that I think the person who really needs help may be far away from us. People who live together might have same status and property. The possibility which someone might need help is tiny. For example, the poor in our country usually be located in the northern and western region. However, I live in Hunan province. If I only help local people, the indigent can’t get help. The second point to consider is that the broader area might bring more kinds of people who need different types of help. For example, there are lots of girls who live in the remote area. Therefore, people can help them by donating hygiene products.
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5
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Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
22. 3 任务完成度
这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错,但仍有改进的空间。首先,文章应该更具说服力,可以通过提供更多具体的例子和详细信息来支持观点。其次,在表达观点时,应使用更清晰、准确的语言。最后,注意避免使用重复词汇,并尝试使用更丰富的词汇和句式。
示例1(改进前):For example, the poor in our country usually be located in the northern and western region. 示例1(改进后):For instance, poverty is more prevalent in the northern and western regions of our country.
示例2(改进前):Therefore, people can help them by donating hygiene products. 示例2(改进后):As a result, individuals can support them by contributing essential hygiene products to improve their living conditions.
4. 文章结构与组织
从组织结构方面来看,文章需要加强。首先,应添加一个引言段落来引入主题和阐述自己的观点。其次,在正文部分中要有明确的段落划分,并为每个段落设置一个中心论点。最后,在结尾部分总结观点并呼应引言。同时,注意在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词汇。
示例1(改进前):In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that international charities are better choices. 示例1(改进后):In this essay, I will argue that donating to international charities is a better choice for individuals due to several significant reasons.
示例2(改进前):The most important reason is that I think the person who really needs help may be far away from us. 示例2(改进后):First and foremost, it is crucial to recognize that those who are in dire need of assistance might be located far from our own communities.
5. 语法批改
In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that international charities are better choices. There are several important reasons for my perspective. The most important reason is that I think the person who really needs help may be far away from us. People who live together might have same status and property. The possibility which someone might need help is tiny. For example, the poor in our country usually bebe usually(Word order: Wrong position of adverb, e.g. 'Always I am happy. (I am always happy.)') located in the northern and western region. However, I live in Hunan province. If I only help local people, the indigent can’t get help. The second point to consider is that the broader area might bring more kinds of people who need different types of help. For example, there are lots of girls who live in the remote area. Therefore, people can help them by donating hygiene products.
Section Title: International vs. Local Charitable Giving
In my perspective, international charities are a more favorable choice for individuals seeking to make a difference through their donations. Several crucial factors contribute to this preference. Primarily, it is essential to recognize that those in dire need of assistance may be geographically distant from the donor. Individuals residing in close proximity often share similar socioeconomic statuses and resources, thus reducing the likelihood of requiring aid within the immediate community. For instance, impoverished populations in my country tend to inhabit northern and western regions, while I reside in Hunan province. By solely focusing on local charities, these underprivileged individuals may not receive the necessary support.
Furthermore, extending one's philanthropic reach across a broader geographic area allows for engagement with diverse populations who require various forms of assistance. For example, numerous girls residing in remote regions lack access to essential hygiene products; by contributing to international charities addressing this issue, donors can effectively improve these girls' quality of life. (165 words)
In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that perspective, international charities are better choices. There are several important reasons for my perspective. The most important reason a more favorable choice (Revised for clarity and to sound more natural) for individuals seeking to make a difference through their donations. Several crucial factors (Changed "important reasons" to "crucial factors" for better word choice) contribute to this preference. Primarily, it is essential to recognize that I think the person who really needs help those in dire need of assistance may be far away geographically distant from us. People the donor (Rephrased for clarity and better sentence structure). Individuals residing in close proximity often share similar socioeconomic statuses and resources, thus reducing the likelihood of requiring aid within the immediate community (Revised for better flow and clarity). For instance, impoverished populations in my country tend to inhabit northern and western regions, while I reside in Hunan province. By solely focusing on local charities, these underprivileged individuals may not receive the necessary support (Rephrased for better flow).
Furthermore, extending one's philanthropic reach across a broader geographic area allows for engagement with diverse populations who live together might have same status and property. The possibility which someone might need help is tiny. require various forms of assistance (Revised for better flow and clarity). For example, the poor in our country usually be located in the northern and western region. However, I live in Hunan province. If I only help local people, the indigent can’t get help. The second point to consider is that the broader area might bring more kinds of people who need different types of help. For example, there are lots of numerous girls who live in the residing in remote area. Therefore, people regions lack access to essential hygiene products; by contributing to international charities addressing this issue, donors can help them by donating hygiene products.effectively improve these girls' quality of life (Rephrased for better flow and clarity).
8 思维导图
- International vs. Local Charitable Giving
- Preference for international charities
- Geographical distance from those in need
- Similar socioeconomic statuses in close proximity
- Example: impoverished populations in different regions
- Broader geographic area for philanthropy
- Engagement with diverse populations
- Various forms of assistance needed
- Example: girls lacking access to hygiene products in remote regions
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| perspective | /pərˈspektɪv/ | noun | a particular attitude or way of regarding something | 观点 | In my perspective, international charities are a more favorable choice. |
| socioeconomic | /ˌsoʊsioʊˌiːkəˈnɒmɪk/ | adjective | relating to or concerned with the interaction of social and economic factors | 社会经济的 | Individuals residing in close proximity often share similar socioeconomic statuses. |
| impoverished | /ɪmˈpɒvərɪʃt/ | adjective | poor; without money or resources | 贫困的 | Impoverished populations in my country tend to inhabit northern and western regions. |
| underprivileged | /ˌʌndərˈprɪvəlɪdʒd/ | adjective | not enjoying the same standard of living or rights as the majority of people │ 社会地位较低的 | By solely focusing on local charities, these underprivileged individuals may not receive the necessary support. | |
| philanthropic | /ˌfɪlənˈθrɒpɪk/ | adjective | seeking to promote the welfare of others │ 慈善的 | Extending one's philanthropic reach across a broader geographic area allows for engagement with diverse populations. | |
| diverse | /daɪˈvɜrs/ | adjective | showing a great deal of variety; very different │ 多样的 | Engagement with diverse populations who require various forms of assistance. | |
| remote | /rɪˈmoʊt/ | adjective | situated far from the main centers of population │ 偏远的 | Numerous girls residing in remote regions lack access to essential hygiene products. | |
| hygiene | /ˈhaɪdʒiːn/ | noun │ conditions or practices conducive to maintaining health and preventing disease │ 卫生 │ By contributing to international charities addressing this issue, donors can effectively improve these girls' quality of life. | |||
| essential | /əˈsenʃəl/ | adjective │ absolutely necessary; extremely important │ 必要的 │ Girls in remote regions lack access to essential hygiene products. | |||
| quality of life | /ˈkwɒləti əv laɪf/ | noun │ the standard of health, comfort, and happiness experienced by an individual or group│ 生活质量 │ Donors can effectively improve these girls' quality of life by contributing to international charities. |
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