TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: when facing an option of field study, which do you think is better for student? following own passion and interests or the guidance of teachers and parents ?

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 24 (3.75)

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the question of whether students should follow their own interests or take advice from parents when choosing a major. The writer presents a clear viewpoint, advocating for taking parents' advice, and provides some relevant examples to support their argument. However, the essay could benefit from more elaboration on the importance of personal interests in the decision-making process and a more balanced discussion that considers both sides of the argument.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include a paragraph discussing the benefits of following one's own interests in choosing a major.

• Provide specific examples or scenarios where following personal interests can lead to success.

• Consider counterarguments to your viewpoint and address them in your essay.

Examples:

1. "On the other hand, pursuing one's passion can lead to greater job satisfaction and personal fulfillment, as individuals are more likely to excel in fields they are genuinely interested in."
2. "Although some majors may have better job prospects, it is essential not to overlook the importance of personal motivation and dedication in achieving success."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by adding more balance between discussing both sides of the argument and using clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Add a paragraph discussing the benefits of following one's own interests.

• Use clearer transitions between ideas within paragraphs.

• Make sure each paragraph focuses on one specific point related to your argument.

Examples:

1. "While it is true that parents' experience can be valuable in guiding students towards majors with better job prospects, it is also important to consider..."
2. "In conclusion, although taking parents' advice can be beneficial in some cases, it is crucial for students to weigh the pros and cons of both options and make an informed decision based on their own interests and future goals."

5. Grammar

When it comes to choosing a major, people usually hesitate between following their own interests and taking parents’ advice. In my personal perspective, I strongly advocate taking parents’ advice. Admittedly, sticking to our own interests and perspective is quite significant because interests and passion are always the motivation for kids to drill into certain field. Nevertheless, sometimes choosing a major that matches your interests can be difficult to find a job. For instance, majors like translating or art are sometimes replaced by the developing AI technology, making people lose their jobs. But if people allow their parents to intervene in their major selection, they can mostly avoid this issue because of the more experience that parents are equipped with. They can help (Two consecutive spaces)their kids to select a major that might have a brighter future. For example, most of the parents suggest computer science as the major for kids because of the decent salary their kids can gain in the future, which can enhance overall security if the job employment and long term career development. Therefore, believing parents’ experience, I advocate it’s better to get parents involved in the major selection process.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

When faced with the decision of selecting a field of study, students often find themselves torn between pursuing their own passions and interests or adhering to the guidance of teachers and parents. While it is true that personal interests and passion can serve as strong motivators for delving into a particular field, I firmly believe that considering the advice of parents is crucial in making an informed choice. This is because parents, equipped with more life experience, can provide valuable insights into potential career prospects and long-term stability. For instance, they may recommend fields such as computer science due to its promising job market and lucrative salaries, thereby ensuring a secure future for their children. By involving parents in the decision-making process, students can benefit from their wisdom and foresight in selecting a major that not only aligns with their interests but also offers promising career opportunities. (152 words)

When faced with the decision of selecting a field of study (revised for clarity and conciseness), students often find themselves torn between pursuing their own passions and interests or adhering to the guidance of teachers and parents (rephrased to include teachers as well). While it comes to choosing a major, people usually hesitate between following their own is true that personal interests and taking parents’ advice. In my personal perspective, passion can serve as strong motivators for delving into a particular field (revised for better flow), I strongly advocate taking parents’ advice. Admittedly, sticking to our own interests and perspective firmly believe that considering the advice of parents is quite significant crucial in making an informed choice (rephrased to emphasize the importance of parents' advice). This is because interests and passion are always the motivation for kids to drill parents, equipped with more life experience, can provide valuable insights into certain field. Nevertheless, sometimes choosing a major that matches your interests can be difficult to find a job. potential career prospects and long-term stability (revised for clarity). For instance, majors like translating or art are sometimes replaced by the developing AI technology, making people lose their jobs. But if people allow their parents to intervene in their major selection, they can mostly avoid this issue because of the more experience that parents are equipped with. They can help their kids to select a major that might have a brighter future. For example, most of the parents suggest may recommend fields such as computer science as the due to its promising job market and lucrative salaries, thereby ensuring a secure future for their children (added an example to support the argument). By involving parents in the decision-making process, students can benefit from their wisdom and foresight in selecting a major for kids because of the decent salary their kids can gain in the future, which can enhance overall security if the job employment and long term that not only aligns with their interests but also offers promising career development. Therefore, believing parents’ experience, I advocate it’s better to get parents involved in the major selection process.opportunities (concluding sentence that summarizes the main point).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

- Decision-making
    - Personal interests
        - Passions
        - Motivation
    - Parental guidance
        - Life experience
        - Career prospects
        - Long-term stability

- Field of study selection
    - Balancing interests and advice
    - Promising fields (e.g., computer science)
        - Job market
        - Lucrative salaries

- Benefits of involving parents in the process
    - Wisdom and foresight 
    - Aligning interests with career opportunities

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

When faced with the decision of selecting a field of study, students often find themselves torn between pursuing their own passions and interests or adhering to the guidance of teachers and parents. While it is true that personal interests and passion can serve as strong motivators for delving into a particular field, I firmly believe that considering the advice of parents is crucial in making an informed choice. This is because parents, equipped with more life experience, can provide valuable insights into potential career prospects and long-term stability. For instance, they may recommend fields such as computer science due to its promising job market and lucrative salaries, thereby ensuring a secure future for their children. By involving parents in the decision-making process, students can benefit from their wisdom and foresight in selecting a major that not only aligns with their interests but also offers promising career opportunities.