TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: what should the government fund?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task by discussing the funding of outdoor activities versus art and music. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples to support each argument, as well as addressing potential counterarguments.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include more concrete examples to illustrate the benefits of funding outdoor activities.

• Address potential counterarguments by acknowledging the importance of art and music in society, but explaining why outdoor activities should still be prioritized.

Examples:

1. "Investing in parks and hiking trails can also have a positive impact on local economies, as they attract tourists who spend money on local businesses."
2. "While art and music are important for cultural enrichment, the government could encourage private sponsorship or donations to support these fields instead of using public funds."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by organizing each paragraph more effectively around a specific point with supporting details.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point.

• Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one specific aspect of your argument.

Examples:

1. "One reason why the government should fund outdoor activities is that they are accessible to a larger portion of society."
2. "Another advantage of investing in parks and hiking trails is their cost-effectiveness compared to constantly funding art and music."

5. Grammar

With finite financial resources, how to allocate the precious money to benefit the most majority of people is often torn theto the(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) government. ArrayAn array(This rule identifies whether the article 'an' is missing in a sentence.) of people claims that the art and music should be funded for its significant culture value, enriching people’s spiritual life. However, I firm hold that outdoor facilities like parks and hiking trails are supposed to be funded. When

itIt(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) comes to the first reason to justify my argument, benefiting most people would be my reasoning. It is universally acknowledged that almost all the people can get access to the park and hiking trails, watching the appreciating and flourishing trees, smelling the fragrance of flowers and hearing the bird chirping around. For example, people range from various age groups to different social status can access to the park and hiking trails to have fun. allAll(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) the citizens can make great use of the park to overall benefit their physical health by doing exercises. However, art and music could only benefit smaller number of people who can appreciate certain number of arts with abstract style and pattern. I mean, there are numerous works of art which are not accessible to the ordinary people. I mean, without being equipped with certain kinds of knowledgesknowledge(misspelling), it is inaccessible for some people to appreciate sorts of art works.

Cost effectiveCost-effective(Hyphenated words: Cost effective) would be another reason for me to justify my argument. Once established, the park and hiking trails could be utilized for longa long(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) time without reinvesting more money. However, in order to support the advanced development of the art and music, more money needs to be constantly invested. For example, building a medium-sized park will only cost no more than 10 million RMB, planting trees and flowers. However, constantly funding the art and music, the government will burn its pocket because, some prestigious art work is so expensive, according to my understanding, that the price of one piece of work can be up 100millionto 100million(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.). It is undeniable that art and music play a crucial rule in people’s daily life, enriching individual’s spiritual life and cultivating a sense of taste for beauty. However, if responding everyto every(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) aspect of calls, the government will suffer great pressure from financial burden. Plus, due to its lucrative characteristic, art and music can earn enough money to support its own development. To wrap up my speech, I think I have made myself clear enough to make a safe conclusion that the government is supposed to support the outdoor activities, like hiking trails and park.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In the face of limited financial resources, governments must make difficult decisions regarding the allocation of funds to best serve the majority of their citizens. While some argue that arts and music should receive funding due to their cultural significance and ability to enrich people's lives, I firmly believe that outdoor facilities such as parks and hiking trails should be prioritized for government funding.

The primary reason for my stance is that outdoor facilities benefit a larger portion of the population. Parks and hiking trails are accessible to people from all walks of life, regardless of age or social status. These spaces provide opportunities for everyone to enjoy nature, exercise, and improve their overall well-being. In contrast, arts and music often cater to a smaller audience with specific tastes or knowledge in these fields. Without prior exposure or education in these areas, many individuals may find it difficult to appreciate certain art forms or musical styles.

Another factor supporting my argument is cost-effectiveness. Once established, parks and hiking trails can be utilized for extended periods without requiring significant additional investment. On the other hand, continuous funding is necessary for the advancement of arts and music. For instance, constructing a medium-sized park may cost around 10 million RMB, while acquiring a single prestigious artwork can exceed 100 million RMB. This disparity highlights the potential financial strain that supporting arts and music could place on government budgets.

It is important to acknowledge the undeniable role that arts and music play in enriching people's lives by fostering a sense of beauty and appreciation for culture. However, governments must also consider their financial limitations when allocating funds. Furthermore, due to their potential profitability, arts and music can often generate enough revenue through sales or performances to support their own development without relying solely on government assistance.

In conclusion, I believe it is crucial for governments to prioritize funding for outdoor facilities such as parks and hiking trails over arts and music. By doing so, they can provide accessible and cost-effective resources that benefit a larger portion of the population, while still allowing for the growth and development of cultural pursuits through alternative means. (364 words)

With finite In the face of limited financial resources, how to allocate the precious money to benefit the most governments must make difficult decisions regarding the allocation of funds to best serve the majority of people is often torn the government. Array of people claims that the art and music their citizens (clarification: specifying that the issue is about serving the majority). While some argue that arts and music should receive funding due to their cultural significance and ability to enrich people's lives, I firmly believe that outdoor facilities such as parks and hiking trails should be funded for its significant culture value, enriching people’s spiritual life. However, I firm hold prioritized for government funding (rephrasing: smoother sentence structure).

The primary reason for my stance is that outdoor facilities like parks benefit a larger portion of the population (clarification: specifying who benefits). Parks and hiking trails are supposed to be funded. When accessible to people from all walks of life, regardless of age or social status. These spaces provide opportunities for everyone to enjoy nature, exercise, and improve their overall well-being (rephrasing: smoother sentence structure). In contrast, arts and music often cater to a smaller audience with specific tastes or knowledge in these fields. Without prior exposure or education in these areas, many individuals may find it difficult to appreciate certain art forms or musical styles (rephrasing: clearer explanation).

it comes to the first reason to justify Another factor supporting my argument, benefiting most people would be my reasoning. It is universally acknowledged that almost all the people can get access to the park and hiking trails, watching the appreciating and flourishing trees, smelling the fragrance of flowers and hearing the bird chirping around. For example, people range from various age groups to different social status can access to the park argument is cost-effectiveness (clarification: specifying the reason). Once established, parks and hiking trails to have fun. all the citizens can make great use of the park to overall benefit their physical health by doing exercises. However, art and music could only benefit smaller number of people who can appreciate certain number of arts with abstract style and pattern. I mean, there are numerous works of art which are not accessible to the ordinary people. I mean, without being equipped with certain kinds of knowledges, it is inaccessible for some people to appreciate sorts of art works. ¶ Cost effective would be another reason for me to justify my argument. Once established, the park and hiking trails could be utilized for long time extended periods without reinvesting more money. However, in order to support the advanced development of the art and music, more money needs to be constantly invested. requiring significant additional investment. On the other hand, continuous funding is necessary for the advancement of arts and music. For example, building instance, constructing a medium-sized park will only may cost no more than around 10 million RMB, planting trees and flowers. However, constantly funding the art and music, the while acquiring a single prestigious artwork can exceed 100 million RMB (rephrasing: clearer comparison). This disparity highlights the potential financial strain that supporting arts and music could place on government will burn its pocket because, some prestigious art work is so expensive, according to my understanding, that the price of one piece of work can be up 100million. budgets.

It is important to acknowledge the undeniable that art role that arts and music play a in enriching people's lives by fostering a sense of beauty and appreciation for culture (rephrasing: smoother sentence structure). However, governments must also consider their financial limitations when allocating funds. Furthermore, due to their potential profitability, arts and music can often generate enough revenue through sales or performances to support their own development without relying solely on government assistance (rephrasing: clearer explanation).

In conclusion, I believe it is crucial rule in people’s daily life, enriching individual’s spiritual life and cultivating a sense of taste for beauty. However, if responding every aspect of calls, the government will suffer great pressure from financial burden. Plus, due to its lucrative characteristic, art and music can earn enough money to support its own development. ¶ To wrap up my speech, I think I have made myself clear enough to make a safe conclusion that the government is supposed to support the for governments to prioritize funding for outdoor activities, like facilities such as parks and hiking trails and park.over arts and music (rephrasing: smoother sentence structure). By doing so, they can provide accessible and cost-effective resources that benefit a larger portion of the population, while still allowing for the growth and development of cultural pursuits through alternative means (rephrasing: clearer explanation).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Limited financial resources
   • Government funding decisions
   • Arts and music vs. outdoor facilities

2. Outdoor facilities benefit a larger population

   • Accessibility for all ages and social statuses
   • Opportunities for exercise and well-being

3. Arts and music cater to a smaller audience

   • Specific tastes or knowledge required
   • Limited exposure or education in these fields

4. Cost-effectiveness of outdoor facilities

   • Long-term use without significant additional investment
   • Comparison to the continuous funding needed for arts and music

5. Financial strain of supporting arts and music

   • High costs of prestigious artwork or performances

6. The role of arts and music in enriching lives

   • Fostering a sense of beauty and appreciation for culture

7. Alternative means for supporting arts and music

   • Profitability through sales or performances

8. Conclusion

   • Prioritizing funding for outdoor facilities over arts and music

9 Key Words