TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Professor:This week, I want you to discuss assessment criteria. Some schoolteachers give high grades (marks) only to those students who perform well on their homework assignments and tests. Other teachers, however, may give high grades to students who have worked very hard on their assignments but have not performed so well. Which approach do you think is better: Giving grades based only on performance, or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 2.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 2.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

18. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章没有很好地回答问题，因为它讨论了政府如何改善农村人民的待遇，而不是讨论评估标准。为了提高任务完成度，请确保您的文章直接回答问题，并针对问题提出具体观点和论据。

示例1（英文）： Instead of discussing the treatment of people in rural areas, you should focus on the grading criteria mentioned in the question. For example, you could write, "I believe that grading students based on both performance and effort is a better approach because it encourages hard work and recognizes individual progress."

示例2（英文）： To further support your viewpoint, provide specific examples or reasons. For instance, you could write, "By considering effort in grading, teachers can motivate students who may struggle with certain subjects but are willing to put in the time and dedication to improve."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面需要改进。首先，应该有一个明确的引言，介绍您将要讨论的主题。接下来，正文部分应该包含支持您观点的论据和例子。最后，结论部分应总结您的主要观点并重新陈述您的立场。

示例1（英文）： An improved introduction could be, "In the debate over grading criteria, some argue that grades should be based solely on performance, while others believe that effort should also be considered. In this essay, I will argue that a combination of performance and effort is the most effective approach."

示例2（英文）： To improve the organization of your body paragraphs, focus on one main point per paragraph and provide supporting details. For example, "One reason to consider effort in grading is that it encourages students to develop a strong work ethic. By rewarding hard work, teachers can motivate students to persevere even when they face challenges in their studies."

5. 语法批改

I agree with Claire's opinion. The best strategy that government can use is improveto improve(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) the treatment of people in rural areas. Firstly, government should gavegive(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) financial help to farmers. Now the farmers' income is dependdepended(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) on the climate, it notit is not(I not sure (I am not sure)) stable. Due to thatthat,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) lot of rural people come to city for a stable salary. If government gave them social security to ensure farmers can have comfortable life will increase rural population. On the other hand, government should promote the social status of rural people through policies and publicity. Since nowadaysnowadays,(Comma after 'nowadays) city life is highly competition and the speed of the life is really fast. Many young people have aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') idea to come back to the countryside to enjoy the slower life. But social bias of rural people lead them cannot really give up city life.

Section Title: Assessment Criteria

I concur with Claire's perspective that grading should primarily be based on performance. While effort is commendable, academic assessments are designed to evaluate a student's understanding and mastery of the subject matter. Consequently, a fair grading system should prioritize the quality of work submitted rather than the amount of effort exerted. Moreover, considering effort in grading may inadvertently encourage mediocrity and diminish the motivation for students to strive for excellence. Additionally, it is essential to recognize that life beyond academia often rewards results rather than intentions or hard work alone. Therefore, it is crucial for educational institutions to cultivate a merit-based culture that prepares students for real-world challenges and fosters a growth mindset by emphasizing continuous improvement and learning from setbacks. (125 words)

Revised essay: 7 Article Corrections

I agree with Claire's opinion. The best strategy that the government can use is to improve the treatment of people in rural areas. areas (clarified the subject). Firstly, the government should gave provide financial help to farmers. Now the farmers (changed "gave" to "provide" for proper verb tense). Currently, farmers' income is depend depends on the climate, making it not stable. unstable (rephrased for clarity and proper grammar). Due to that lot of rural people come to city this, many rural people move to cities for a stable salary. salary (rephrased for clarity). If government gave the government provides them with social security to ensure farmers can have a comfortable life life, it will increase rural population. the rural population (rephrased for clarity and proper grammar). On the other hand, the government should promote the social status of rural people through policies and publicity. publicity (added "the" before "government" for consistency). Since nowadays city life is highly competition and the speed competitive and fast-paced (corrected "competition" to "competitive" and rephrased), many young people have an idea of the returning to the countryside to enjoy a slower life is really fast. Many young people have a idea to come back to the countryside to enjoy the slower life. But (rephrased for clarity). However, social bias of rural people lead biases against rural people prevent them cannot really give from truly giving up city life.life (rephrased for clarity and proper grammar).

Display title: 8 思维导图

Mindmap:

1. Introduction
   - Grading based on performance
   - Importance of understanding and mastery

2. Fair grading system
   - Prioritize quality of work
   - Avoid encouraging mediocrity

3. Real-world implications
   - Rewards for results, not intentions or effort alone

4. Merit-based culture in education
   - Prepare students for challenges
   - Foster growth mindset and continuous improvement

Display title: 9 关键词