TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: If you had to choose between prioritizing economic growth or protecting the environment, which one would you choose. Why?

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 23

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the topic of prioritizing economic growth or protecting the environment, but it could be improved in terms of elaboration and clarity. The writer's viewpoint is clear, but the supporting arguments could be more detailed and persuasive. Additionally, there are some grammatical errors that need to be corrected.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your viewpoint.

• Work on grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity.

Examples in English:

1. Instead of just mentioning that "more power will be privileged on the countries that have stronger economy," provide a real-world example of how a country with a strong economy has successfully implemented environmental policies.

2. Correct grammatical errors such as "developing economy is my viewpoint" to "I believe that developing the economy should be prioritized."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer organization and transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Improve transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow.

• Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea with supporting details.

Examples in English:

1. Add transition phrases like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" at the beginning of paragraphs to guide readers through your argument.

2. Instead of combining multiple ideas in one paragraph (e.g., power, finance, experts), dedicate separate paragraphs for each point with clear topic sentences such as "A strong economy grants countries more power in setting environmental rules" or "Financial resources are necessary for implementing environmentally-friendly practices."

5. Grammar

The debate over economic growth and environmental protection has caught the attention from Alex and Maggie. I am inclined to prioritizeprioritize,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) develop the economy. As is mentioned by Maggie, strong economy provides more job for people, and induces new technologies to solve environmental problems. I would like to add that more power will be privileged on the countries that have stronger economy, which is beneficial to set rules on the environmental protection and punish those countries who are contaminatecontaminated(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) the environment. Admittedly, environmentally friendly economy is a good proposal. However, developing countries or startup companies don’t have enough money, which is used for buying filter machines, renewable energy infrastructures. In addition, experts who are specialized on the environmentally- friendly production should be employed, which also should be supported by finance. In conclusion, based on the power, fiancé, and experts, developing economy is my viewpoint.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

The ongoing debate between economic growth and environmental protection has garnered diverse opinions from individuals like Alex and Maggie. Personally, I am inclined to prioritize economic development. As Maggie pointed out, a robust economy creates more job opportunities and fosters the development of new technologies that can address environmental issues. Furthermore, countries with stronger economies are better positioned to establish rules for environmental protection and penalize those who contribute to pollution.

While the idea of an environmentally friendly economy is commendable, it is important to consider the challenges faced by developing countries and start-up companies. These entities often lack the financial resources required to invest in pollution control equipment or renewable energy infrastructure. Additionally, hiring experts specializing in eco-friendly production methods can be costly, further straining their limited budgets.

In light of these factors, prioritizing economic growth appears to be a more feasible approach. By strengthening the economy first, we can create a solid foundation upon which sustainable environmental practices can be built. This will ultimately lead to a harmonious balance between economic progress and environmental preservation for the benefit of current and future generations. (189 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 Essay Grading

The debate over economic growth and environmental protection has caught the attention from of individuals like Alex and Maggie. Personally, I am inclined to prioritize develop the economy. ¶ developing the economy (revised for clarity). As is mentioned by Maggie, Maggie mentioned, a strong economy provides more job for people, and induces jobs for people (corrected grammar) and fosters new technologies to solve environmental problems. I would like to add that countries with stronger economies have more power will be privileged on the countries that have stronger economy, influence (rephrased for clarity), which is beneficial to set for setting rules on the environmental protection and punish punishing those countries who are contaminate the environment. environment (corrected grammar).

Admittedly, an environmentally friendly economy is a good proposal. proposal (rephrased for natural tone). However, developing countries or startup start-up companies don’t have enough money, which is used for buying filter machines, often lack sufficient funds (rephrased for clarity) needed to purchase pollution control equipment or invest in renewable energy infrastructures. infrastructure (expanded for clarity). In addition, hiring experts who are specialized on the environmentally- friendly specialize in environmentally-friendly production should can be employed, which also should be supported by finance. expensive (rephrased for natural tone), further straining their limited budgets.

In conclusion, based on the power, fiancé, and experts, developing economy factors such as influence, finances, and expertise (rephrased for clarity), I believe that prioritizing economic development is my viewpoint.the most viable approach (revised for natural tone).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Economic growth vs. environmental protection
   • Personal stance: prioritize economic development

2. Benefits of economic growth

   • Job opportunities
   • Technological advancements addressing environmental issues

3. Strong economies and environmental protection

   • Establishing rules and penalties for pollution contributors

4. Challenges faced by developing countries and start-ups

   • Limited financial resources for pollution control equipment or renewable energy infrastructure
   • Costly eco-friendly production methods specialists

5. Prioritizing economic growth as a feasible approach

   • Strengthening the economy first creates a solid foundation for sustainable practices

6. Achieving a harmonious balance between progress and preservation

   • Benefiting current and future generations

9 Key Words