TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Doctor Diaz This week, we'll be discussing ways to address air pollution. One idea is introducing environmental taxes on air travel. Such taxes, also referred to as ecological taxes or green taxes, are extra charges that get added to the price of airplane tickets. Money collected from these taxes could be invested in environmentally friendly technologies or in promoting other cleaner modes of transportation. Do you think there should be an environmental tax on air travel? Why or why not?

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地阐述你的观点，以便让读者更好地理解你的立场。其次，在语言使用和语法方面，尽量避免出现错误，并尝试使用更丰富的词汇和句型。

• Example 1: Instead of "I want to add that all the public transportations will cause environmental problems, not only the airplanes.", you could write "It is important to note that all forms of public transportation contribute to environmental issues, not just airplanes."

• Example 2: Instead of "If taxes are added, it is hard for her to travel, thus indicating that she is unable to travel.", you could write "If environmental taxes are imposed on air travel, it would make it difficult for her to afford the trip, effectively limiting her ability to travel."

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织角度来看，这篇文章还有待改进。首先，你需要在引言部分明确提出自己的观点。其次，在正文部分，每段都应该集中讨论一个具体的论点，并提供相应的支持细节。最后，在结论部分总结自己的观点，并简要回顾文章的主要论点。

• Example 1: For a clearer introduction, you could write "In this essay, I will argue that while environmental taxes on air travel may have some benefits, they are not the most effective solution to address air pollution."

• Example 2: To improve the organization of your body paragraphs, you could write "One reason environmental taxes on air travel may not be the best solution is that they unfairly burden passengers without directly incentivizing airlines to adopt greener practices. Instead, regulations targeting the airline industry itself might be more effective in promoting environmentally friendly technologies and practices."

5. 语法批改

Both students present compelling arguments on whether environmental taxes should be put on air planesairplanes(Hyphenated words: air planes) or not. From my perspective, I strongly appreciate with Claire's opinion that price should be paid on environment. I want to add that all the public transportations will cause environmental problems, not only the airplanes. There is no denying that adding taxes on air planesairplanes(Hyphenated words: air planes) only will let people to take other transportation more frequently, leading to other environmental problems. Though Andrew's opinion (Two consecutive spaces)is convincing, he neglected that sometimes passengers have to take air planesairplanes(Hyphenated words: air planes) only. I had a friend, who wanted to travel to foreign countries, she could arrive at the destination by planes because there is no replacementsthere are no replacements(Possible agreement error 'there's' + plural noun) for airplanes. If taxes are added, it is hard for her to travel, thus indicating (Two consecutive spaces)that she is unable to travel.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Both students present compelling arguments regarding the implementation of environmental taxes on air travel. While I appreciate Claire's perspective that the burden of protecting the environment should fall on airlines rather than passengers, I believe it is crucial to consider the broader implications of transportation on the environment. All modes of public transportation contribute to environmental issues, not just airplanes. Imposing taxes solely on air travel may inadvertently lead to increased usage of other forms of transportation, exacerbating different environmental problems. Although Andrew's argument has merit, he overlooks situations where air travel is the only viable option. For instance, a friend of mine wanted to visit a foreign country and had no alternative but to fly there. Imposing additional taxes could make such trips financially prohibitive for some individuals, restricting their ability to travel and experience new cultures. (143 words)

Both students present compelling arguments on whether regarding the implementation of environmental taxes should be put on air planes or not. From my perspective, I strongly appreciate with Claire's opinion that price should be paid on environment. I want to add that all the public transportations will cause environmental problems, not only the airplanes. There is no denying that adding taxes on air planes travel (revised for clarity and conciseness). While I appreciate Claire's perspective that the burden of protecting the environment should fall on airlines rather than passengers (rephrased for better flow), I believe it is crucial to consider the broader implications of transportation on the environment (added for emphasis). All modes of public transportation contribute to environmental issues, not just airplanes (clarified for accuracy). Imposing taxes solely on air travel may inadvertently lead to increased usage of other forms of transportation, exacerbating different environmental problems (revised for better flow and clarity). Although Andrew's argument has merit, he overlooks situations where air travel is the only will let people to take other transportation more frequently, leading to other environmental problems. Though Andrew's opinion is convincing, he neglected that sometimes passengers have to take air planes only. I had viable option (rephrased for better flow). For instance, a friend, who friend of mine wanted to visit a foreign country and had no alternative but to fly there (clarified example). Imposing additional taxes could make such trips financially prohibitive for some individuals, restricting their ability to travel to foreign countries, she could arrive at the destination by planes because there is no replacements and experience new cultures (revised for airplanes. If taxes are added, it is hard for her to travel, thus indicating that she is unable to travel.clarity and conciseness).

8 思维导图

- 标题: 环境税与航空旅行
  - 子标题: 双方观点
    - 克莱尔观点: 航空公司承担环保责任
    - 安德鲁观点: 对航空旅行征收环境税
  - 子标题: 更广泛的交通影响
    - 公共交通对环境的影响
    - 税收可能导致其他交通方式使用增加
  - 子标题: 航空旅行的必要性
    - 某些情况下航空旅行是唯一选择
    - 税收可能限制个人出行和体验新文化的能力

9 关键词