TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you think the government should spend money on preserving all the old buildings and sites rather than building new constructions? Why?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 2.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 2.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 17 (2.5)

3. Task completeness

The essay does not adequately address the specific requirements of the task, as it fails to discuss the topic of preserving old buildings and sites versus building new constructions. Instead, the essay focuses on the importance of rewards in productivity, which is unrelated to the given prompt. To improve, the writer should:

• Clearly understand and address the given prompt

• Provide a clear viewpoint on whether or not governments should spend money on preserving old buildings and sites

• Support their viewpoint with relevant examples or reasons

Example 1: "In my opinion, governments should allocate funds for preserving historical buildings and sites because they hold cultural significance and contribute to tourism."

Example 2: "However, I also believe that governments should balance their spending between preservation efforts and new constructions, as both are essential for a nation's development."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay lacks a clear structure, as it does not have an introduction that addresses the given prompt or body paragraphs that elaborate on a specific viewpoint related to the topic. Additionally, there are no clear transitions between ideas or paragraphs. To improve organization:

• Begin with an introduction that addresses the prompt and states your viewpoint

• Divide your essay into body paragraphs, each focusing on one reason or example supporting your viewpoint

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs to guide readers through your argument

Example 1: Introduction: "The debate over whether governments should prioritize preserving historical buildings over constructing new ones is multifaceted. In my view, striking a balance between these two objectives is crucial for sustainable development."

Example 2: Body paragraph transition: "On one hand, preserving historical buildings is essential for maintaining a nation's cultural heritage. For instance, ancient structures like the Colosseum in Rome provide a glimpse into the past and serve as an educational resource for future generations."

5. Grammar

While both Susan and Mark have raised some relevant points, I reckon that the most important factor is knowing that you will receive a reward. To begin with, a reward can motivate you to strive for achieving your goal, given that you already have a clear idea about how alluring it is. Driven by your aspiration, you will contemplate the strategies you may use so as toto(so as to (to)) maximize the outcomes. With well-devised plans, it is likely that productivity will see a significant increase. Moreover, the effectiveness of using a reward to whip yourself lies in the fact that you can maintain your passion, eliminating your perceived fatigue. As a result, you may be able to complete more work beyond your normal capacity, which can be seen as an elevation of productivity.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In the debate over whether the government should allocate funds for preserving historical buildings and sites or prioritize new constructions, it is crucial to consider the long-term implications of both options. Preserving old buildings and sites not only maintains a connection to our past but also fosters cultural identity and promotes tourism, which can contribute significantly to economic growth. On the other hand, investing in new constructions may lead to advancements in technology and infrastructure that can enhance our society's overall well-being. Ultimately, striking a balance between preservation and development is essential for sustainable progress. Governments should carefully evaluate each project's potential benefits and drawbacks before making decisions on resource allocation, ensuring that both historical preservation and modernization are given due consideration. (127 words)

Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

While both Susan and Mark have raised some relevant points, I reckon believe (revised for a more formal tone) that the most important factor is knowing that you will receive a reward. To begin with, a reward can motivate you to strive for achieving your goal, given that you already have a clear idea about how alluring enticing (revised for a more formal tone) it is. Driven by your aspiration, you will contemplate the strategies you may use so as to maximize the outcomes. With well-devised plans, it is likely that productivity will see a significant increase. Moreover, the effectiveness of using a reward to whip motivate yourself (revised for clarity) lies in the fact that you can maintain your passion, eliminating your perceived fatigue. As a result, you may be able to complete more work beyond your normal capacity, which can be seen as an elevation of productivity.

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Debate over resource allocation
   • Preservation vs. development

2. Preservation benefits

   • Connection to the past
   • Cultural identity

3. Economic benefits of preservation

   • Tourism industry growth

4. Development benefits

   • Technological advancements
   • Infrastructure improvements

5. Striking a balance

   • Sustainable progress

6. Government's role in decision-making

   • Evaluating project benefits and drawbacks

7. Importance of considering both preservation and modernization

8. Conclusion

9 Key Words