TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Writingl Question 2 of 2 Your professor is teaching a class on economicWrite a post responding to the professor'squestion.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

• Estimated Score: 22 (based on the average of 子项得分)

3. 任务完成度

虽然你的文章回答了教授的问题，但是需要改进。首先，你应该更清楚地表达你对Claire和Paul观点的看法，而不是只提到它们可能成功地减少支出。其次，在讨论如何鼓励消费者购买商品时，你需要给出更多具体的例子和解释。最后，注意使用正确的语法和词汇。

示例1（改进）： 在我看来，Claire关于减少公园维护成本的观点是合理的。例如，城市可以种植更多耐旱植物来替代草坪，从而降低水费和割草成本。

示例2（改进）： 另一方面，Paul提到政府可能雇佣了过多员工。为了解决这个问题，政府可以进行员工效率评估，并根据结果调整员工数量。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面有待提高。建议在开头部分简要介绍自己将要讨论的观点，然后在正文部分详细阐述每个观点及其支持论据。最后，在结尾部分总结自己的看法。此外，注意在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词汇。

示例1（改进）： 开头部分：在本文中，我将讨论Claire关于减少公园维护成本和Paul关于政府雇佣过多员工的观点，并提出一些建议。

示例2（改进）： 过渡词汇：首先，我们来看看Claire的观点。她认为城市可以通过改变公园内植物种类来降低维护成本。其次，我们来探讨Paul的看法。他指出政府可能雇佣了过多员工，这也是一个值得关注的问题。

5. 语法批改

Based on my perspective, both Claire's and Paul's standpoints may succeed to reduce the exceeding spending, reducing the expenses of maintaining the plants and employing more workers to increasing the income. Moreover, I firmly believe that implement policies to encourage individuals to consumer or purchase goods is a feasible method to handle the problem that the governments' income is less than the spending. Encouraging civilians to use their money can not only boast the economic which leads to obtain more tax, but also increase the opportunities for workers to work. For instance, if local governments lower the 20 percent of tax of goods, it can motivate people's passion to purchase these goods which they do not take into account before. Additionally, the stores also need to recruit new employees to solve the consumers’ questions. Consequently, it ultimately provokeprovokes('it' + non-3rd person verb) the increase economicin economic(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'in' is missing in a sentence.) and government’s budget.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In light of both Claire's and Paul's suggestions, reducing park maintenance costs and reassessing government workforce size could effectively decrease excessive spending. However, I propose that implementing policies to stimulate consumer spending is a more viable solution to address the issue of government income falling short of expenditures. By encouraging citizens to spend their money, we can not only boost the economy, leading to higher tax revenues but also create more job opportunities. For example, if local governments were to reduce the sales tax on goods by 20%, it could significantly increase people's willingness to purchase items they had not previously considered. As a result, businesses may need to hire additional staff to accommodate increased customer inquiries and demands. Ultimately, this approach would contribute positively to both economic growth and the government's budget. (138 words)

Based on my perspective, In light of both Claire's and Paul's standpoints may succeed suggestions (clarifies that the suggestions are from both Claire and Paul), reducing park maintenance costs and reassessing government workforce size (rephrased for clarity) could effectively decrease excessive spending. However, I propose that implementing policies to stimulate consumer spending (rephrased for better flow) is a more viable solution to address the issue of government income falling short of expenditures (rephrased for clarity). By encouraging citizens to spend their money, we can not only boost the economy (corrected "boast" to "boost"), leading to higher tax revenues but also create more job opportunities. For example, if local governments were to reduce the exceeding spending, reducing the expenses sales tax on goods by 20% (clarified "tax of maintaining the plants and employing more workers to increasing the income. Moreover, I firmly believe that implement policies to encourage individuals to consumer or purchase goods is a feasible method to handle the problem that the governments' income is less than the spending. Encouraging civilians to use their money can not only boast the economic which leads to obtain more tax, but also goods" as "sales tax on goods"), it could significantly increase the opportunities for workers to work. For instance, if local governments lower the 20 percent of tax of goods, it can motivate people's passion willingness to purchase these goods which items they do had not take into account before. Additionally, the stores also previously considered. As a result, businesses may need to recruit new employees hire additional staff to solve accommodate increased customer inquiries and demands (rephrased for clarity). Ultimately, this approach would contribute positively to both economic growth and the consumers’ questions. Consequently, it ultimately provoke the increase economic and government’s budget.government's budget (rephrased for better flow).

8 思维导图

- 标题: 政府收入与支出问题的解决方案
  - 减少公园维护成本
  - 重新评估政府劳动力规模
  - 提高消费者支出
    - 刺激经济增长
      - 增加税收
      - 创造就业机会
    - 示例: 减少20%的销售税
      - 提高购买意愿
      - 增加企业需求和招聘员工

9 关键词