TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: What is the most important factor to consider whendeciding whether to communicate in writing or by speaking in the workplace? Why?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 26

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job addressing the specific requirements of the task by discussing the importance of urgency in deciding whether to communicate in writing or by speaking in the workplace. However, it could be improved by providing more examples or details to support the viewpoint. Additionally, incorporating ideas from Student A and Student B would make the essay more relevant to the given discussion.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include more examples to support your viewpoint on urgency.

• Address and compare your viewpoint with those of Student A and Student B.

Example 1: In agreement with Student A, privacy is indeed an important factor when choosing between written or spoken communication. However, I believe that urgency takes precedence because even private matters may require immediate attention, which can be better addressed through spoken communication.

Example 2: While I understand Student B's point about familiarity affecting communication preferences, I still think that urgency is a more crucial factor because even with a close coworker, an urgent matter would warrant immediate verbal communication rather than waiting for a written response.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within paragraphs and clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Organize paragraphs around specific points.

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Example 1: Instead of starting your essay directly with your viewpoint on urgency, begin with an introduction that briefly summarizes both students' opinions before presenting your own perspective. This will provide context for your argument.

Example 2: Improve transitions between ideas by using phrases like "on the other hand," "in contrast," or "moreover" to signal a shift in focus or to emphasize a point. For instance, you could write, "In contrast to Student A's emphasis on privacy, I believe that urgency is the most important factor when deciding between written and spoken communication in the workplace."

5. Grammar

I think the deciding factor is urgency. If information should be passed right away, speaking in the workplace is a more effective way, whether talking on the phone or in person. This is because direct communication allows people to get feedback more efficiently, which is conducive to dealing with urgent situations. As for non-urgent information, however, email or text messages can be easily used in such a situation due to their delayed responses. For example, if I want to make a one-on-one meeting with my manager, email would be my first choice since it can help me better organize my thoughts and the schedule is relatively flexible. However, if I need my manager's signature to file an immediate document, I would call him right away to make sure not to delay it.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, the most crucial factor to consider when deciding whether to communicate in writing or by speaking in the workplace is urgency. When information needs to be conveyed promptly, verbal communication, either through phone calls or face-to-face conversations, proves more effective as it enables individuals to receive feedback swiftly and efficiently, which is essential for addressing urgent matters. Conversely, for non-urgent information, written communication methods such as emails or text messages are suitable due to their allowance for delayed responses. For instance, if I wish to schedule a one-on-one meeting with my manager, I would opt for email as it allows me to better organize my thoughts and offers a flexible timetable. However, if I require my manager's signature on a document that needs immediate attention, I would call them without hesitation to ensure no delays occur. (144 words)

I think In my opinion (revised for a more formal tone), the most crucial factor (more precise than "deciding factor") to consider when deciding factor is urgency. If information should be passed right away, whether to communicate in writing or by speaking in the workplace is a urgency. When information needs to be conveyed promptly (more formal than "passed right away"), verbal communication, either through phone calls or face-to-face conversations, proves more effective way, whether talking on the phone or in person. This is because direct communication allows people to get as it enables individuals to receive feedback more efficiently, swiftly and efficiently (more formal than "get feedback more efficiently"), which is conducive to dealing with essential for addressing urgent situations. As matters. Conversely, for non-urgent information, however, email written communication methods such as emails or text messages can be easily used in such a situation are suitable due to their allowance for delayed responses. responses (clearer explanation). For example, instance, if I want to make wish (more formal than "want") to schedule a one-on-one meeting with my manager, I would opt for email would be my first choice since as it can help allows me to better organize my thoughts and the schedule is relatively flexible. offers a flexible timetable (clearer explanation). However, if I need require my manager's signature to file on a document that needs immediate attention (more precise than "file an immediate document, document"), I would call them without hesitation (more formal than "call him right away to make sure not to delay it.away") to ensure no delays occur (clearer explanation).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Communication in the workplace
   - Importance of choosing the right method

2. Urgency
   - Key factor in deciding communication method

3. Verbal communication
   - Phone calls
   - Face-to-face conversations
   - Benefits: immediate feedback, efficient

4. Written communication
   - Emails
   - Text messages
   - Benefits: delayed responses, better organization

5. Examples
   - Scheduling a meeting (email)
   - Needing a signature (phone call)

6. Conclusion
   - Importance of considering urgency when choosing communication methods in the workplace

Display title: 9 Key Words