TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Doctor Gupta This week,I want you to discuss assessment criteria. Some schoolteachers give high grades(marks) only to those students who perform well on their homework assignments and tests. Other teachers, however, may give high grades to students who have worked very hard on their assignments but have not performed so well.Which approach do you think is better: Giving grades based only on performance, or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort?

1. Sub Scores:

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores:

• Average Score: 3.83

• Mapped Score: 24

3. Task completeness:

The essay does a decent job of addressing the specific requirements of the task, but there is room for improvement. The essay could benefit from providing more specific examples or details to support the viewpoint that performance should be the primary factor in grading. Additionally, it would be helpful to address the counterargument presented by Student A (Paul) more directly and explain why hard work should not be considered as a factor in grading.

Suggestions for improvement:

1. Provide specific examples or details to support your viewpoint.

2. Address counterarguments more directly and explain why they are not convincing.

Examples in English:

1. "For instance, if two students both work hard on a project, but one student's work is significantly better than the other's, it would be unfair to give them both high grades simply because they both put in effort."

2. "Although Paul argues that hard work builds character, this does not necessarily mean that it should be factored into grading; instead, schools could find other ways to reward hard-working students without compromising the fairness of their grading system."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

1. Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

2. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific point with supporting details.

Examples in English:

1. "On the other hand, some may argue that considering effort in grading can encourage students to develop good study habits."

2. "In conclusion, while recognizing hard work is important, grading should primarily be based on performance to ensure fairness and accurately reflect students' understanding of the material."

5. Grammar

Personally, it is better to give grades based on the performance.

As Kelly mentioned, it is fair to give grades based on performance. It is hard for teachers to value the degree of hard work in study. For example, if a teacher gives more grades to a student because of his hard work, it might incite disputations from other students. There will be some other stuff to deal with, which will cost time for both teachers and students.

While it is true that hard work is a good habit not only for studying but also for working. However, we can not deny that some people do not work as hard as it seems. This is also the causecase(Detects potentially wrong usage of "cause" instead of "case") that the company values a good employee on work output.

Therefore, performance should be the proper way to give grades.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, grading students based on their performance is the better approach.

As Kelly pointed out, fairness is a crucial factor when it comes to grading. It is challenging for educators to accurately assess the extent of a student's effort. For instance, if a teacher awards higher grades to a student due to their perceived hard work, it may provoke disputes among other students. Consequently, this would lead to additional issues that consume valuable time for both teachers and students.

It is undeniable that hard work is an essential trait not only in academics but also in professional settings. However, we cannot overlook the fact that some individuals may not exert as much effort as they appear to. This notion aligns with the idea that companies evaluate employees based on their output rather than their perceived effort.

Hence, focusing on performance when assigning grades is the most appropriate method. (154 words)

Personally, it is better to give grades In my opinion, grading students based on the performance. their performance is the better approach (revised for clarity and a more natural tone).

As Kelly mentioned, pointed out, fairness is a crucial factor when it is fair to give comes to grading (rephrased for better flow). It is challenging for educators to accurately assess the extent of a student's effort (revised for clarity). For instance, if a teacher awards higher grades based on performance. It is hard for teachers to value the degree of hard work in study. For example, if a teacher gives more grades to a student because of his due to their perceived hard work, it might incite disputations from may provoke disputes among other students. There will be some other stuff to deal with, which will cost students (rephrased for better flow and clarity). Consequently, this would lead to additional issues that consume valuable time for both teachers and students. students (revised for improved readability).

While it is true It is undeniable that hard work is a good habit an essential trait not only for studying in academics but also for working. in professional settings (rephrased for better flow). However, we can cannot overlook the fact that some individuals may not deny that some people do not work exert as hard much effort as it seems. they appear to (revised for clarity and readability). This is also the cause that the company values a good employee notion aligns with the idea that companies evaluate employees based on work output. their output rather than their perceived effort (rephrased for improved flow).

Therefore, Hence, focusing on performance should be the proper way to give grades.when assigning grades is the most appropriate method (revised for clarity and a more natural tone).

8 Mind Map

1. Grading students
   a. Performance-based
   b. Effort-based

2. Fairness
   a. Accurate assessment
   b. Avoid disputes

3. Hard work
   a. Essential trait
   b. Academics and professional settings

4. Perceived effort vs actual effort

5. Evaluation in companies
   a. Output-based assessment

6. Conclusion: Performance-based grading is appropriate

9 Key Words