TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class. Write a post responding to the professor's question.
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Professor
More and more, online shopping is becoming the primary way that many people obtain everyday goods. But what are the ramifications for the society in which we live? On the one hand, online shopping has advantages - for example, I can make a purchase without ever leaving my home. However, with fewer people shopping at local shops, in some places, these establishments are having a hard time competing. Do you think that online shopping is, on the whole, affecting society?
Paul
I think that online shopping has had negative impacts on society. In my city, many local stores have shelves filled with various products that you can find in online stores. This has forced some of them to close down, which not only affects the amount of tax revenue generated in our local community but also impacts the number of job opportunities available to the community members.
Kelly
It's unfortunate that some local stores are forced to close down, but that's the nature of competition. As consumers, we benefit greatly from online shopping due to lower prices. Even if I find a physical store that can compete with online sellers in terms of pricing, I am still likely to make the purchase online because it means I don't have to spend money on transportation to the store.
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I subscribe to Kelly's point. In addition to lower price, the online shopping enables us to be exposed to a variety kind of products that cannot be seen at local shops. It cannot be denied that with the development of the Internet, the vendors or store owners are able to put their products online for sales. If the consumers have opportunities to browse the commodies online, they may have chances to see the products all around the world, which means they are capable of having more ranges of products. Consequently, with the helps of online shops, consumers may select commodities in a wider range. A ordinary people in Japan, for insance, has a chance to buy snacks online, may find out that there are a lot of choices, ranging from chocolates in USA and soda in UK, so he may have a lot of chances. True, Paul's point makes sense, but the consequence of closing down local shops may be to small to have an impact on the local job makets.
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
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Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
- 25
3. 任务完成度
这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错,但还有一些需要改进的地方。首先,文章的观点表达得比较清楚,但在论证方面可以更加详细。例如,可以提供更多关于在线购物如何影响消费者选择和生活质量的例子。此外,在语法和词汇使用方面也有一些小错误,需要加以修改。
改进建议示例(英文):
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在论证观点时,可以提供更多具体的例子来支持你的看法。例如:“Online shopping allows consumers to access a wide range of products from different countries, such as unique clothing items from France or handcrafted home decor from India.”
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注意语法和词汇使用,避免出现错误。例如,将“A ordinary people in Japan”修改为“An ordinary person in Japan”。
4. 文章结构与组织
文章整体结构基本合理,包括引言、正文和结论部分。然而,在段落组织和过渡方面还有待改进。每个段落应该集中讨论一个主题,并提供相应的支持细节。同时,在段落之间需要使用明确的过渡词或短语来保持文章的连贯性。
改进建议示例(英文):
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在段落之间使用过渡词或短语来增强文章的连贯性。例如,在第二段结尾添加:“In conclusion, while there are some negative impacts on local businesses, the benefits of online shopping for consumers outweigh these drawbacks.”
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确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句,突出该段落的主要观点。例如,可以将第一段的主题句修改为:“I agree with Kelly that online shopping has more advantages for consumers, such as lower prices and a wider variety of products.”
5. 语法批改
I subscribe to Kelly's point. In addition to lower price, the online shopping enables us to be exposed to a variety kind of products that cannot be seen at local shops. It cannot be denied that with the development of the Internet, the vendors or store owners are able to put their products online for sales. If the consumers have opportunities to browse the commodiescommodes(misspelling) online, they may have chances to see the products all around the world, which means they are capable of having more ranges of products. Consequently, with the helps of online shops, consumers may select commodities in a wider range. AAn(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') ordinary people in Japan, for insanceinstance(misspelling), has a chance to buy snacks online, may find out that there are a lot of choices, ranging from chocolates in USAin the USA(Determiners preceding geographical terms) and soda in UK, so he may have a lot of chances. True, Paul's point makes sense, but the consequence of closing down local shops may be totoo(Detects potentially wrong usage of "to") small to have an impact on the local job maketsmakes(misspelling).
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
I concur with Kelly's perspective. Besides the advantage of lower prices, online shopping provides access to a diverse array of products that may not be available in local shops. Undeniably, the advent of the internet has enabled vendors and store owners to showcase their products online for sale. This allows consumers to browse through a vast selection of goods from around the world, thereby expanding their range of choices. As a result, online shopping empowers consumers to make more informed decisions based on a wider variety of options. For instance, an ordinary person in Japan can purchase snacks online and discover numerous choices, from American chocolates to British sodas, thus enriching their shopping experience. While Paul's argument regarding the closure of local shops holds some merit, the impact on local job markets may be too insignificant to outweigh the benefits offered by online shopping. (149 words)
I subscribe to concur with Kelly's point. In addition to perspective (revised for a more formal tone). Besides the advantage of lower price, the online shopping enables us to prices (rephrased for clarity), online shopping provides access to a diverse array of products (corrected grammar) that may not be exposed to a variety kind of products that cannot be seen at available in local shops. It cannot be denied that with the development of the Internet, the Undeniably, the advent of the internet (rephrased for a more formal tone) has enabled vendors or and store owners are able to put to showcase their products online for sales. If the sale (revised for clarity). This allows consumers have opportunities to browse the commodies online, they may have chances to see the products all through a vast selection of goods from around the world, which means they are capable of having thereby expanding their range of choices (rephrased for clarity). As a result, online shopping empowers consumers to make more ranges of products. Consequently, with the helps of online shops, consumers may select commodities informed decisions based on a wider variety of options (revised for clarity). For instance, an ordinary person in a wider range. A ordinary people in Japan, for insance, has a chance to buy Japan can purchase snacks online, may find out that there are a lot of online and discover numerous choices, ranging from American chocolates in USA to British sodas, thus enriching their shopping experience (rephrased for clarity and soda in UK, so he may have a lot of chances. True, flow). While Paul's point makes sense, but the consequence of closing down argument regarding the closure of local shops holds some merit (acknowledging opposing viewpoint), the impact on local job markets may be to small to have an impact on the local job makets.too insignificant to outweigh the benefits offered by online shopping (concluding statement summarizing main point).
8 思维导图
- Online Shopping
- Lower prices
- Access to diverse products
- Not available in local shops
- Advent of the internet
- Vendors showcase products online
- Consumers browse through vast selection
- Goods from around the world
- Expanding range of choices
- Informed decisions based on variety of options
- Example: Japanese person buying snacks online (American chocolates, British sodas)
- Paul's argument: Closure of local shops, impact on job markets
- Counterpoint: Benefits of online shopping outweigh potential job loss
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| concur | /kənˈkɜr/ | verb | agree; be of the same opinion | 同意 | I concur with Kelly's perspective. |
| diverse | /daɪˈvɜrs/ | adjective | showing a great deal of variety | 多样的 | Online shopping provides access to a diverse array of products. |
| advent | /ˈædˌvɛnt/ | noun | the arrival or coming into existence | 到来 | The advent of the internet has enabled vendors to showcase their products online. |
| showcase | /ˈʃoʊkeɪs/ | verb | /to display or exhibit something | /展示 | /This allows consumers to browse through a vast selection showcased by vendors. |
| informed | /ɪnˈfɔrmd/ | adjective | /based on knowledge or information | /明智的 | /Online shopping empowers consumers to make more informed decisions. |
| outweigh | /ˌaʊtˈweɪ/ | verb | /to be greater or more significant than | /超过 | /The benefits offered by online shopping may outweigh the impact on local job markets. |
| insignificant | /ˌɪnsɪgˈnɪfɪkənt/ | adjective | /too small or unimportant to be worth consideration | /微不足道的 | /The impact on local job markets may be too insignificant to outweigh the benefits. |
| merit | /ˈmɛrɪt/ | noun | /the quality of being good or worthy | /优点 | /While Paul's argument holds some merit, the benefits of online shopping are greater. |
| enrich | /ɪnˈrɪʧ/ | verb | /to improve the quality of something | /丰富 | /Buying snacks online can enrich a person's shopping experience with numerous choices. |
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