TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Giving grades based only on performance, or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort?

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章回答了题目的要求，但还有一些地方可以改进。首先，在引用学生A和学生B的观点时，应使用正确的名字（如Kelly和Paul），以避免混淆。其次，文章可以提供更多具体的例子来支持观点。最后，尽管文章中没有太多的语法错误，但在措辞和表达上仍有待提高。

改进建议示例1（英文）： Instead of "Just as Kelly mentioned, giving grades based on performance is a measure to ensure the quility.", you can write "As Kelly argued, grading students solely on their performance ensures the quality and fairness of the evaluation process."

改进建议示例2（英文）： Instead of "However, Paul futed that the hardwork should count for something.", you can write "On the other hand, Paul contended that hard work should also be taken into account when evaluating students."

4.文章结构与组织

这篇文章的结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡语句，使得文章读起来不够流畅。此外，正文部分可以进一步细化论点，并提供更多支持观点的细节。

改进建议示例1（英文）： To improve the transition between paragraphs, you can add a sentence like "While performance-based grading has its merits, there are also arguments in favor of considering effort." before discussing Paul's viewpoint.

改进建议示例2（英文）： To provide more supporting details, you can include a sentence like "For example, students who struggle with a particular subject but put in extra hours to improve their understanding should be recognized for their determination and perseverance."

5. Grammar

From my outlook, I firmly deem that it is imperative for the university to give grades on the performance only rather than the mixing evaluation. Just as Kelly mentioned, giving grades based on performance is a measure to ensure the quilityquality(misspelling). As we have experienced in the univeristyuniversity(misspelling), the performance is made up of various of tasks - for instance, the exams, the homework assignments, the essays and so on. In this way, all these elements will be account in a student's grades, which is almost completely reflect one's attitude and motivation towards the study. As a result, grading on the perfirmanceperformance(misspelling) only is surely fair enough for students. However, Paul futedfated(misspelling) that the hardworkhandwork(misspelling) should count for something. Ironically, there is no standard to tell and prove one's hardworkhandwork(misspelling), contributing to a result that some students may cheat the professors, damaging the fairness. In a nutshell, I maintain that giving grades should basedbase(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) only on the performance.

6.文章修订

In my opinion, I firmly believe that universities should grade students based solely on their performance rather than incorporating effort into the evaluation process. As Kelly argued, grading students solely on their performance ensures the quality and fairness of the evaluation process. Performance is composed of various tasks such as exams, homework assignments, and essays, which collectively reflect a student's attitude and motivation towards their studies. Consequently, grading based on performance alone is sufficiently fair for all students.

On the other hand, Paul contended that hard work should also be taken into account when evaluating students. While effort is indeed commendable, it is challenging to establish a standard to measure and verify one's hard work accurately. This lack of a clear benchmark could lead to some students deceiving their professors about the amount of effort they put in, ultimately compromising the fairness of the grading system.

In light of these arguments, I maintain that universities should continue to base grades exclusively on student performance. This approach not only upholds the integrity of academic evaluations but also ensures that all students are assessed fairly and consistently. (186 words)

From 7.文章批改

In my opinion, I firmly believe that universities should grade students based solely on their performance rather than incorporating effort into the evaluation process. (Changed "From my outlook, I firmly deem that it is imperative for the university to give grades on the deem" to "In my opinion, I firmly believe" for a more natural and clear expression of the writer's stance.) As Kelly argued, grading students solely on their performance only rather than the mixing evaluation. ¶ Just ensures the quality and fairness of the evaluation process. (Rephrased "Just as Kelly mentioned, giving grades based on performance is a measure to ensure the quility. As we have experienced in the univeristy, the performance is made up quility." for clarity and correct spelling.) Performance is composed of various of tasks - for instance, the such as exams, the homework assignments, the essays and so on. In this way, all these elements will be account in and essays, which collectively reflect a student's grades, which is almost completely reflect one's attitude and motivation towards the study. As a result, their studies. (Improved sentence structure for better flow.) Consequently, grading on the perfirmance only is surely based on performance alone is sufficiently fair enough for for all students.

However, On the other hand, Paul contended that hard work should also be taken into account when evaluating students. (Revised "However, Paul futed that the hardwork should count for something. Ironically, there is no something." to correct grammar and improve word choice.) While effort is indeed commendable, it is challenging to establish a standard to tell and prove measure and verify one's hardwork, contributing to a result that hard work accurately. (Clarified the point about measuring effort.) This lack of a clear benchmark could lead to some students may cheat the professors, damaging the fairness. deceiving their professors about the amount of effort they put in, ultimately compromising the fairness of the grading system. (Enhanced sentence structure for better flow.)

In light of these arguments, I maintain that universities should continue to base grades exclusively on student performance. (Rephrased "In a nutshell, I maintain that giving grades should based only on the performance.performance." for clarity and proper grammar.) This approach not only upholds the integrity of academic evaluations but also ensures that all students are assessed fairly and consistently.

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Grading based on performance vs. effort

• Kelly's viewpoint

  • Performance-based grading ensures quality and fairness
  • Various tasks reflect attitude and motivation

• Paul's viewpoint

  • Hard work should be considered in evaluation
  • Difficulty in measuring effort accurately

• Conclusion

  • Maintain performance-based grading for integrity and fairness

9.关键词