TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Giving grades based only on performance, or grading students not iust on performance but also on their effort?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

• 22

3. 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上满足了讨论的要求，但仍有改进的空间。首先，文章可以更具体地说明为什么努力对学生的未来有益，并给出具体的例子。其次，文章可以对两种评分方法进行更全面的比较，分析它们各自的优缺点。最后，在语言表达方面，可以注意避免重复词汇和提高句子连贯性。

示例1（英文）：Instead of simply stating that effort builds character, you could provide an example of how a student who consistently works hard may develop better time management skills or perseverance, which will be valuable in their future studies or career.

示例2（英文）：To make a more comprehensive comparison between the two grading methods, you could discuss the potential drawbacks of each approach, such as how focusing solely on performance might discourage students who struggle academically or how including effort in grading might lead to inconsistencies in evaluating students' work.

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，这篇文章还有一些需要改进的地方。首先，引言部分可以更明确地指出文章将讨论哪两种评分方法，并简要介绍它们的特点。其次，正文部分可以按照一个清晰的逻辑顺序展开，例如先讨论一种评分方法的优点，然后讨论另一种评分方法的优点，最后进行比较。最后，在结尾部分可以总结文章的主要观点，并给出自己的看法。

示例1（英文）：In the introduction, you could write something like "This essay will discuss two approaches to grading students: one based solely on performance and the other taking both performance and effort into account. The advantages and disadvantages of each method will be explored to determine which is more effective."

示例2（英文）：For a clearer organization in the body paragraphs, you could structure them as follows: "Firstly, grading based on performance has the advantage of ensuring fairness among students. However, this approach might discourage those who struggle academically. On the other hand, considering both performance and effort in grading can motivate students to work harder and develop valuable skills for their future. Nevertheless, this method might lead to inconsistencies in evaluating students' work."

5. 语法批改

Admittedly, to some extendextent(extend (extent)), Kelly's opinion that grades should be based on the performance for the reason that it matters the fairness. When the efforts isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") difficult to evaluate, this way will be a better choice. However, from my perspective, under other circumstance, this method will ruin students' altitude toward daily effort in stuAdystudy(misspelling). Paul is right when he says that the effort will build character, which will benefit the students’ future life. Also, l would like to add that this method will in addition be an incentive for students to build a better study competence, which is of great significance in assessing a student. If the performance will be the only reference, l may not make effort

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

While Kelly's argument that grades should be based solely on performance to ensure fairness holds some merit, I believe that considering both performance and effort is a more comprehensive approach. Although evaluating effort can be challenging, disregarding it may negatively impact students' attitudes towards putting in consistent effort in their studies. Paul's assertion that recognizing hard work builds character is valid, as it prepares students for future challenges in higher education and the workforce. Furthermore, incorporating effort into grading can serve as an incentive for students to develop better study habits and competencies, which are crucial aspects of a well-rounded assessment. Solely relying on performance as the only criterion might discourage students from exerting their best efforts. (122 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7 Article Revision

Admittedly, to some extend, extent (clarifies the degree of agreement), Kelly's opinion that grades should be based on the performance for (removed "for the reason that it matters the fairness. fairness" for clarity and conciseness) has merit. When the efforts effort is difficult to evaluate, this way will be a better choice. However, from my perspective, under other circumstance, circumstances (corrected for grammar), this method will could ruin students' altitude attitudes (corrected spelling) toward daily effort in stuAdy. study (corrected spelling and phrasing). Paul is right when he says that the valuing effort will build character, which will benefit the students’ students' future life. lives (rephrased for clarity). Also, l I would like to add that this method will in addition be additionally (replaced "in addition" for better flow) serve as an incentive for students to build a better study competence, competencies, which is are of great significance in assessing a student. If the performance will be were the only reference, l may I might not make effortan effort (rephrased for clarity and consistency).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Fairness in grading
   - Performance vs. effort

2. Kelly's argument
   - Grades based on performance
   - Ensuring fairness

3. Counterargument
   - Considering both performance and effort
   - Comprehensive approach

4. Challenges in evaluating effort
   - Subjectivity
   - Consistency

5. Benefits of recognizing effort
   - Building character
   - Preparing for future challenges

6. Incentive for better study habits
   - Developing competencies
   - Well-rounded assessment

7. Potential negative impact of performance-only grading
   - Discouraging students' efforts

8. Conclusion 
   - Balancing performance and effort in grading system 

Display title: 9 关键词

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

While Kelly's argument that grades should be based solely on performance to ensure fairness holds some merit, I believe that considering both performance and effort is a more comprehensive approach. Although evaluating effort can be challenging due to its subjectivity, disregarding it may negatively impact students' attitudes towards maintaining consistency in their studies. Paul's assertion that recognizing hard work builds character is valid, as it prepares students for future challenges in higher education and the workforce. Furthermore, incorporating effort into grading can serve as an incentive for students to develop better study habits and competencies, which are crucial aspects of a well-rounded assessment. Solely relying on performance as the only criterion might discourage students from exerting their best efforts.