TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor's question. One fresh

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

20. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上回答了教授的问题，但是在具体解决方案的描述上略显简单。建议在讨论解决方案时提供更多详细信息和具体例子。此外，文章中有一些语法错误和用词不当的地方，需要加以改进。

示例1（原文）：In aim to solve this problem, I think people can use less energy everyday. 示例1（修改后）：In order to address this issue, I believe that people should strive to reduce their daily energy consumption.

示例2（原文）：What’s more, the government should try to find some new energy instead. 示例2（修改后）：Furthermore, governments should invest in research and development of alternative energy sources.

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构与组织的角度来看，这篇文章具有一定的逻辑性，但是在段落划分和过渡句使用上还有待加强。建议在写作时注意段落之间的衔接，并使用恰当的过渡词汇。

示例1（原文）：The number of the energy is limited. If everyone can save a little energy everyday, it will absolutely extends the time of running out the energy. 示例1（修改后）：Since energy resources are finite, if everyone makes an effort to conserve energy daily, it will undoubtedly prolong the time before these resources are depleted.

示例2（原文）：What’s more, it is also a excellent idea that the government should find some new energy which is different from the old one. 示例2（修改后）：Additionally, it would be a great idea for governments to explore new and sustainable energy sources that differ from traditional ones.

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, the energy problem is growgrown(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) bigger and bigger with the rapid development of the society. In aim to solve this problem, I think people can use less energy everydayevery day(everyday (every day)). What’s more, the government should try to find some new energy instead.

The number of the energy is limited. If everyone can save a little energy everydayevery day(everyday (every day)), it will absolutely extendsextend(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) the time of running out the energy. For instance, my little sister havehas(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) gotten some candies these days. At first, she eateats(Agreement error: Non-third person/past tense verb with 'he/she/it' or a pronoun) half of the candies in just one day. Then she relaizedrealized(misspelling) if she always did the same thing everydayevery day(everyday (every day)), the candies would soon disappear. So she changechanges(Subject-verb agreement error after conjunction) her tactic, everydayevery day(everyday (every day)), she just ate only one candy. In the end, the last candy was eaten by her after one week.

What’s more, it is also aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') excellent idea that the government should find some new energy which is different from the old one. Nothing can be used forever, so before exhausting resources, human need to find something new.

In conclusion, as the solutions above, solving the energy problem can though savingsave(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) energy everydayevery day(everyday (every day)) and finding new energy.

Title: 6 文章修订

Addressing the Escalating Energy Crisis

In my opinion, the energy crisis is becoming increasingly severe due to the rapid development of society. To tackle this issue, I believe that individuals should strive to conserve energy daily, and governments must actively seek alternative energy sources.

The finite nature of our current energy resources necessitates conservation efforts. If everyone makes a conscious effort to save even a small amount of energy each day, it will significantly prolong the depletion of these resources. For example, my younger sister recently received a limited number of candies. Initially, she consumed half of them in just one day but soon realized that they would quickly disappear if she continued at this rate. Consequently, she decided to eat only one candy per day, ultimately making them last for an entire week.

Furthermore, it is crucial for governments to invest in research and development for alternative energy sources that differ from traditional ones. As nothing can be utilized indefinitely, it is imperative that we identify new resources before exhausting our current ones.

By implementing these solutions—conserving energy on an individual level and actively seeking new sources on a governmental level—we can effectively address the growing energy crisis and ensure a sustainable future for generations to come. (211 words)

Addressing the Escalating Energy Crisis

In my opinion, the energy problem crisis is grow bigger and bigger with becoming increasingly severe (revised for clarity and natural tone) due to the rapid development of the society. In aim to solve To tackle this problem, issue, I think people can use less energy everyday. What’s more, the government believe that individuals should try to find some new energy instead. strive to conserve energy daily (revised for natural tone), and governments must actively seek alternative energy sources (revised for clarity).

The number of the energy is limited. finite nature of our current energy resources necessitates conservation efforts (revised for clarity and natural tone). If everyone can makes a conscious effort to save a little energy everyday, even a small amount of energy each day (revised for natural tone), it will absolutely extends the time of running out the energy. significantly prolong the depletion of these resources (revised for clarity). For instance, example, my little younger sister have gotten some recently received a limited number of candies these days. At first, (revised for clarity). Initially, she eat consumed half of the candies them in just one day. Then she relaized day but soon realized that they would quickly disappear if she always did the same thing everyday, the candies would soon disappear. So continued at this rate (revised for natural tone). Consequently, she change her tactic, everyday, she just ate decided to eat only one candy. In the end, the candy per day, ultimately making them last candy was eaten by her after one week. for an entire week (revised for clarity and natural tone).

What’s more, Furthermore, it is also a excellent idea crucial for governments to invest in research and development for alternative energy sources that the government should find some new energy which is different differ from the old one. Nothing traditional ones (revised for clarity and natural tone). As nothing can be used forever, so utilized indefinitely, it is imperative that we identify new resources before exhausting resources, human need to find something new. our current ones (revised for clarity).

In conclusion, as the solutions above, solving the energy problem By implementing these solutions—conserving energy on an individual level and actively seeking new sources on a governmental level—we can though saving energy everyday and finding new energy.effectively address the growing energy crisis and ensure a sustainable future for generations to come (revised for clarity and natural tone).

Title: 8 思维导图

Mindmap:

1. Energy Crisis
   1.1 Escalating severity
   1.2 Rapid societal development

2. Individual Conservation
   2.1 Daily efforts
   2.2 Prolong resource depletion

3. Government Involvement
   3.1 Alternative energy sources
   3.2 Research and development investment

4. Implementing Solutions
   4.1 Individual and governmental levels
   4.2 Sustainable future for generations

Title: 9 关键词