TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you think that our habit of purchasing more than our actual needs has become a major issue? Could you share your thoughts on this?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

你的文章在讨论中做出了相关的贡献，观点也比较清晰。但是，你需要注意以下几点来改进你的文章：

1. 使用更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。

2. 注意语法错误和词汇使用，尽量使用更丰富和准确的词汇。

改进建议（英文）：

1. Instead of just mentioning that people bought more food during the COVID-19 pandemic, provide specific examples or statistics to support your argument.

2. Revise sentences with grammar errors, such as "Over-comsumption hasn't become a severe issue cause we just encountered COVID-19." A better version could be: "Over-consumption has not become a severe issue because we have recently experienced the COVID-19 pandemic."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面，你需要注意以下几点来改进：

1. 在引言部分明确提出自己的观点，并在正文部分逐一论证。

2. 每个段落都应该集中讨论一个具体的观点，并提供相应的支持细节。

3. 在段落之间使用清晰的过渡词或短语。

改进建议（英文）：

1. In the introduction, clearly state your position: "In this essay, I will argue that over-consumption has not become a major issue for the majority of people."

2. Organize your body paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details. For example: "One reason for my viewpoint is that over-consumption was mainly a temporary phenomenon during the COVID-19 pandemic, as people stocked up on essential goods due to fear and uncertainty."

5. 语法批改

From my point of view, I tend to supprtsupport Student B's opinion. Over-comsumptionOver-consumption hasn't become a severe issue causebecause we just encountered COVID-19. At that time, lots of people purchased manufactuers,manufacturers, food, and comsumptionsconsumptions to prevent hungryhunger from long-time city control. PsychologicPsychological illness sufferd,suffered, with little people could tolerate the food-shortage,food shortage, which leadled people to storagestore next year's bread. For example, after the COVID-19, marketing datasdata obviously present the purchase of fine-grained rice, oil, ceveal,cereal, and bread in China constantly increasing than any other period. Fortunately, as time goes by, people realize the COVID-19 has gone and they also get immunity to confront the virus, they calm down and buy basic needs normally. Therefore, I don't think our habit of purchasing more than our actual needs has become a major issue, it's a periodic phnomenon.phenomenon.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my perspective, I concur with Student B's viewpoint that over-consumption has not become a severe issue. This stance is supported by the recent COVID-19 pandemic, during which numerous individuals stockpiled essential goods such as food and other consumables to prevent hunger during extended lockdowns. Psychological distress played a significant role in this behavior, as many people could not tolerate the uncertainty of potential food shortages and opted to store supplies for future use. For instance, post-pandemic market data from China revealed a substantial increase in the purchase of fine-grained rice, oil, cereal, and bread compared to previous periods. Fortunately, as the situation improved and people gained immunity against the virus, they gradually returned to purchasing only their basic needs. Consequently, I believe that our habit of buying more than our actual necessities has not become a major issue but rather represents a temporary phenomenon. (150 words)

From In my point of view, perspective [revised for clarity and natural tone], I tend to supprt concur with Student B's opinion. Over-comsumption hasn't viewpoint that over-consumption has not become a severe issue cause we just encountered COVID-19. At that time, lots of people purchased manufactuers, food, issue. This stance is supported by the recent COVID-19 pandemic, during which numerous individuals stockpiled essential goods such as food and comsumptions other consumables [rephrased for clarity] to prevent hungry from long-time city control. Psychologic illness sufferd, with little hunger during extended lockdowns. Psychological distress played a significant role in this behavior, as many people could not tolerate the food-shortage, which lead people uncertainty of potential food shortages and opted to storage next year's bread. store supplies for future use [rephrased for clarity]. For example, after the COVID-19, marketing datas obviously present instance, post-pandemic market data from China revealed a substantial increase in the purchase of fine-grained rice, oil, ceveal, cereal, and bread in China constantly increasing than any other period. compared to previous periods [rephrased for clarity]. Fortunately, as time goes by, the situation improved and people realize the COVID-19 has gone and they also get gained immunity to confront against the virus, they calm down and buy gradually returned to purchasing only their basic needs normally. Therefore, [rephrased for natural tone]. Consequently, I don't think believe that our habit of purchasing buying more than our actual needs necessities has not become a major issue, it's issue but rather represents a periodic phnomenon.temporary phenomenon [rephrased for clarity and natural tone].

8 思维导图

1. 主题: 过度消费是否成为严重问题
   1.1. 学生B观点: 不严重
       1.1.1. COVID-19大流行支持观点
           1.1.1.1. 囤积食物和消耗品
           1.1.1.2. 心理压力导致的行为
       1.1.2. 消费行为的改变
           1.1.2.1 中国市场数据示例
           1.1.2.2 疫情好转后的购买习惯恢复
   结论: 过度消费不是长期问题，而是暂时现象。

9 关键词