TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Professor: We've been discussing the importance of hiring and retaining highly skilled employees, but even the best employees may need to periodically update or further develop their work skills. One question facing managers is how much time and money to invest in improving the work skills of their employees. Some managers argue that ongoing employee training is the most important investment a company can make. What are your thoughts on the matter?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• Estimated Score: 25

3. 任务完成度

你的文章在任务完成度方面表现不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。此外，尝试讨论一下对立观点以及为什么你认为它们不如你所支持的观点有效。

示例1（在文章中添加更多具体的例子）： 例如，一个公司可以为员工提供关于新市场趋势和客户需求的培训课程，这将有助于员工更好地了解行业动态并提高他们的工作效率。

示例2（讨论对立观点）： 虽然Claire认为公司应该优先雇佣最有技能的员工，但是随着市场和技术的快速发展，即使最有技能的员工也需要定期接受培训以保持竞争力。

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织方面来看，文章整体表现良好。然而，在引入段落中可以更明确地陈述你支持哪个学生（Paul）及其观点。此外，可以在结尾段落中总结你的观点和论据，以使文章更加完整。

示例1（在引入段落中明确陈述支持的观点）： 在这次讨论中，我同意Paul的观点，即为员工提供培训可以加强他们与公司的联系，并提高工作效率。

示例2（在结尾段落中总结观点和论据）： 综上所述，我认为定期为员工提供培训是一项重要的投资。这不仅有助于增强员工与公司之间的联系，还能提高他们的工作效率并推动行业发展。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I agree with Paul that offer a training to employees can enhance the bond with the company and also can eliminate human resources loss. Moreover, offering training courses to employees can improve their working efficiency. Nowadays, world is updating in a rapid rate. Thus, it is necessary for employees to receive training periodically so that they can catch up with the latest trends. Take programmers as an example. They need to learn new computing languages and learn about AI and deep learning. Then apply those cutting-edge techniques into their own work. Hopefully, they can create some revolutionary products and make sonemakes one(misspelling) profits for the company. If prevalent in the holistic field, thisthis is(missing verb after 'this') periodically training may contribute computer science maketo make(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) further progress, even lead people to intelligent life. (Whitespace repetition (bad formatting))

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, I concur with Paul that providing training to employees can strengthen their connection with the company and mitigate human resource attrition. Furthermore, offering training courses can enhance employees' work efficiency. In today's rapidly evolving world, it is crucial for employees to undergo periodic training to keep up with the latest trends. For instance, programmers need to learn new programming languages and acquire knowledge about artificial intelligence and deep learning. By applying these cutting-edge techniques in their work, they may develop revolutionary products and generate profits for the company. If adopted across the entire field, this periodic training could contribute to further advancements in computer science and potentially lead humanity towards a more intelligent way of life. (124 words)

In my opinion, I concur (agree is replaced with concur for a more formal tone) with Paul that providing (offer a is replaced with providing for better clarity) training to employees can strengthen (enhance the bond is replaced with strengthen for a stronger emphasis) their connection with the company and also mitigate (eliminate is replaced with mitigate to imply reduction rather than complete removal) human resource attrition. Furthermore, offering training courses can eliminate human resources loss. Moreover, offering training courses to enhance employees' work efficiency. In today's rapidly evolving world, it is crucial (necessary is replaced with crucial to emphasize importance) for employees can improve their working efficiency. Nowadays, world is updating in a rapid rate. Thus, it is necessary for employees to receive training periodically so that they can catch to undergo periodic training to keep up with the latest trends. Take For instance, programmers as an example. They need to learn new programming languages (computing languages and learn is replaced with programming languages for accuracy) and acquire knowledge about AI artificial intelligence and deep learning. Then apply those By applying these cutting-edge techniques into in their own work. Hopefully, work, they can create some may develop revolutionary products and generate profits (make sone profits is corrected to generate profits for better phrasing) for the company. If prevalent in the holistic adopted across the entire field, this periodically training may periodic training could contribute to further advancements in computer science make further progress, even and potentially lead people to humanity towards a more intelligent life.way of life (rephrased last sentence for better clarity and coherence).

8 思维导图

- 标题: 培训对员工的重要性
  - 强化员工与公司的联系
  - 减少人力资源流失
  - 提高工作效率
  - 适应快速发展的世界
    - 学习新技能和趋势
      - 程序员学习新编程语言
      - 获取人工智能和深度学习知识
    - 应用前沿技术
      - 开发革命性产品
      - 为公司创造利润
    - 对整个领域的贡献
      - 推动计算机科学进步
      - 引领人类更智能的生活方式

9 关键词