TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Nowadays, people are more obsessed with buying material things like expensive clothes and cars because people judge each other according to their possessions.
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Nowadays, people are more obsessed with buying material things like expensive clothes and cars because people judge each other according to their possessions.
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The desire of buying material items stems from people’s practical considerations. It is widely acknowledged that expensive products always possess exceptional quality , such as velvet clothes and skin care products, for the reason that the raw materials they use are especially rare and of high-quality, which makes people be obsessed with them for the comfortableness provided by them. Therefore, when purchasing a luxury product, rather than the social validation, people prioritize a series of factors, including sustainability, durability and practicability. Besides, in order to attract high net worth consumers, luxury brands constantly offer their guests with splendid services. By contrast, most of the mass production manufacturers aim to provide the middle class and impoverished people with cost-efficient products, which means they invest less money into a quality service. Instead, they pay more attention to improving the qualities of their products and adjusting their producing techniques. In this regard, people, especially those who are wealthy, tend to consume luxury products to obtain a more meticulous and thoughtful shopping experience.
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5
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Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
25. 3 任务完成度
虽然文章在一定程度上回答了问题,但没有完全解决问题。你的文章主要关注了为什么人们会购买奢侈品,而不是讨论人们是否根据他们的财产来评判彼此。建议你重新审视题目,确保你的论点和论据与题目紧密相关。此外,可以尝试提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。
示例1(英文): To address the topic more directly, you could discuss how people's obsession with material possessions can lead to a culture of judging others based on their belongings, rather than their character or achievements.
示例2(英文): You could also provide examples of how people might feel pressured to buy expensive items in order to fit in or be accepted by their peers, which further perpetuates the cycle of materialism and judgment.
4. 文章结构与组织
文章结构方面需要改进。虽然有一个简短的引言,但缺乏明确的结论部分。建议在文章末尾加入一个总结性段落,重申你的观点并概括主要论据。此外,在正文段落中使用更清晰的过渡词或短语,以帮助读者更好地理解你的观点和论据。
示例1(英文): To improve the organization of your essay, you could add a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and restates your thesis. For example, "In conclusion, while material possessions can provide comfort and status, it is important to recognize the potential negative consequences of judging others based on their belongings."
示例2(英文): To enhance the flow of your essay, use transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "On the other hand," or "In addition" to guide the reader through your arguments. For example, "Furthermore, the desire for luxury products can lead to a culture of materialism and judgment."
5. 语法批改
The desire of buyingto buy material items stems from people's practical considerations. It is widely acknowledged that expensive products always possess exceptional quality ,quality, such as velvet clothes and skin care products, for the reason thatbecause the raw materials they use are especially rare and of high-quality, which makes people be obsessed with them for the comfortableness provided by them.comfort they provide. Therefore, when purchasing a luxury product, rather than the social validation, people prioritize a series of factors, including sustainability, durabilitydurability, and practicability. Besides, in order to attract high net worth consumers, luxury brands constantly offer their guests with splendid services. By contrast, most of the mass production manufacturers aim to provide the middle class and impoverished people with cost-efficient products, which means they invest less money into ain quality service. Instead, they pay more attention to improving the qualitiesquality of their products and adjusting their producingproduction techniques. In this regard, people, especially those who are wealthy, tend to consume luxury products to obtain a more meticulous and thoughtful shopping experience.
Section Title: The Influence of Material Possessions on Social Perception
The inclination to purchase material items often arises from individuals' practical considerations. It is widely recognized that high-priced products typically exhibit exceptional quality, such as luxurious clothing and premium skincare items. This is because the raw materials utilized in their production are often rare and of superior quality, leading people to become enamored with the comfort and satisfaction they provide. Consequently, when acquiring a luxury item, individuals tend to prioritize factors such as sustainability, durability, and practicality over social validation.
Moreover, luxury brands continuously strive to entice affluent consumers by offering exceptional services. In contrast, mass-production manufacturers primarily cater to middle-class and economically disadvantaged individuals by providing cost-efficient products. As a result, these companies invest less in customer service and instead focus on enhancing product quality and refining production techniques. In this context, it becomes evident that wealthier individuals are more inclined to indulge in luxury goods in pursuit of a more meticulous and thoughtful shopping experience. (167 words)
The desire of buying inclination to purchase material items stems often arises from people’s individuals' practical considerations. considerations (revised for clarity and natural tone). It is widely acknowledged recognized that expensive high-priced products always possess typically exhibit exceptional quality , quality, such as velvet clothes and skin care products, for the reason that luxurious clothing and premium skincare items (rephrased for better flow). This is because the raw materials utilized in their production are often rare and of superior quality, leading people to become enamored with the comfort and satisfaction they use are especially rare and of high-quality, which makes people be obsessed with them for the comfortableness provided by them. Therefore, provide (revised for clarity and conciseness). Consequently, when purchasing acquiring a luxury product, rather than the item, individuals tend to prioritize factors such as sustainability, durability, and practicality over social validation, people prioritize a series of factors, including sustainability, durability and practicability. Besides, in order to attract high net worth consumers, validation (rephrased for better flow).
Moreover, luxury brands constantly offer their guests with splendid services. By continuously strive to entice affluent consumers by offering exceptional services (revised for clarity). In contrast, most of the mass production mass-production manufacturers aim to provide the middle class and impoverished people with primarily cater to middle-class and economically disadvantaged individuals by providing cost-efficient products, which means they products (rephrased for better flow). As a result, these companies invest less money into a in customer service and instead focus on enhancing product quality service. Instead, they pay more attention to improving the qualities of their products and adjusting their producing techniques. and refining production techniques (revised for clarity and conciseness). In this regard, people, especially those who context, it becomes evident that wealthier individuals are wealthy, tend to consume more inclined to indulge in luxury products to obtain goods in pursuit of a more meticulous and thoughtful shopping experience.experience (rephrased for better flow).
8 思维导图
1. The Influence of Material Possessions on Social Perception
├── 1.1 Practical considerations
│ ├── 1.1.1 High-priced products
│ │ ├── 1.1.1.1 Exceptional quality
│ │ └── 1.1.1.2 Luxurious clothing and premium skincare items
│ └── 1.1.2 Raw materials
│ ├── 1.1.2.1 Rarity
│ └── 1.1.2.2 Superior quality
├── 1.2 Factors prioritized by individuals
│ ├── 1.2.1 Sustainability
│ ├── 1.2.2 Durability
│ └── 1.2.3 Practicality
└── 2 Luxury brands vs mass-production manufacturers
├── 2.1 Affluent consumers and exceptional services
└── 2-3 Middle-class and economically disadvantaged individuals
├── Cost-efficient products
└── Focus on product quality and production techniques.
关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Inclination | /ˌɪnklɪˈneɪʃən/ | Noun | A preference or tendency to act in a particular way | 倾向,爱好 | The inclination to purchase material items often arises from practical considerations. |
| Exceptional | /ɪkˈsɛpʃənəl/ | Adjective | Unusually good or outstanding; not typical | 杰出的,非凡的 | High-priced products typically exhibit exceptional quality. |
| Sustainability | /səˌsteɪnəˈbɪlɪti/ | Noun | The ability to be maintained at a certain rate or level; causing little or no damage to the environment | 可持续性,环保性 | Individuals tend to prioritize factors such as sustainability when acquiring luxury items. |
| Durability | /dʊˈræbəlɪti/ | Noun | The ability to withstand wear, pressure, or damage; sturdiness | 耐用性,坚固性 | Durability is an important factor for consumers when purchasing material items. |
| Practicality | /prækˈtɪkəlɪti/ | Noun | The quality of being suitable for a particular purpose and likely to produce the desired results | 实用性,实际性 | Consumers often prioritize practicality over social validation when purchasing luxury items. |
| Meticulous | /məˈtɪkjʊləs/ | Adjective | Showing great attention to detail; very careful and precise. | 一丝不苟的,精细的 | Wealthier individuals are more inclined to indulge in luxury goods in pursuit of a more meticulous shopping experience. |
| Entice | /ɛnˈtaɪs/ | Verb | Attract or tempt by offering pleasure or advantage. | 引诱,诱惑 | Luxury brands continuously strive to entice affluent consumers by offering exceptional services. |
| Mass-production | /mæs prəˈdʌkʃən/ | Noun | The production of large quantities of standardized products, often using assembly lines or automation technology. | 大规模生产,批量生产 | Mass-production manufacturers primarily cater to middle-class and economically disadvantaged individuals. |
| Cost-efficient | /kɒst ɪˈfɪʃənt/ | Adjective | Providing good value for the amount of money spent; economical. | 成本效益高的,经济实惠的 | These companies provide cost-efficient products for middle-class and economically disadvantaged individuals. |
| Refining | /rɪˈfaɪnɪŋ/ | Verb | Improve (something) by making small changes, in particular make (an idea, theory, or method) more subtle and accurate. | 精炼,改进,提炼 | Manufacturers focus on enhancing product quality and refining production techniques. |
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