TOEFL TPO 5 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 26

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task quite well, expressing a clear opinion and engaging with the conversation provided. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on your viewpoint and providing more concrete examples to support your argument.

For example, when discussing the allocation of space for shopping areas, manufacturing plants, and green spaces, you could provide a real-life example of a city that has successfully implemented such a strategy. Additionally, when mentioning small-sized parks near communities, you could discuss the potential benefits these parks would bring to residents in terms of mental health or social interaction.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the organization can be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to create a more cohesive flow.

For example:

• In your introduction, consider adding a sentence that previews your main points: "In this essay, I will discuss how urban space can be allocated effectively for both essential amenities and green spaces."

• When transitioning between paragraphs or ideas within paragraphs, use phrases like "Furthermore," "On the other hand," or "In addition" to signal shifts in focus or new points being introduced. This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.

5. Grammar

The allocation of green spaces and public utilities for a broader range of people is hard to strike a balance. In my opinion, governments should arrange the cities' configuration more effectively by offering more amenities for the citizens, but adding a part of green partsareas in the cities. First of all, I wholeheartedly concur with Claire's suggestion that we can mainly let the available land be used for businesses or housing purposepurposes with green spaces being built up on the rooftops of existing buildings. It is essential to note that each square in the city is expensive, so we should maximize the spaces' use.use of spaces. For example, governments can take the advantage of sixty percents for shoppoingpercent for shopping areas, twenty percentspercent for manufacturing plants, and the last twenty percentspercent for green spaces. On the other hand, Kelly raises the argument that governments are supposed to focus on medical care more rather than merely parks. While I agree to some degrees fordegree with her statement, it is crucial to contemplate that we still need some green land or green elements filled in our daily lives for mentally and physically healthy purposes. For instance, governments can create copioscopious amounts of small-sized parks nearby some communities instead of building a large one, which can make people closer to nature and temporarily stayingstay away from the stressful urban'surban life.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

Striking a balance between allocating green spaces and providing public utilities for a broader range of people can be challenging. In my opinion, governments should design urban configurations more effectively by offering additional amenities for citizens while incorporating green spaces within the city. Firstly, I wholeheartedly concur with Claire's suggestion that available land can primarily be used for business or housing purposes, with green spaces being created on the rooftops of existing buildings. It is essential to note that urban land is expensive, so maximizing the use of space is crucial. For example, governments could allocate sixty percent for shopping areas, twenty percent for manufacturing plants, and the remaining twenty percent for green spaces.

On the other hand, Kelly argues that governments should prioritize medical care over parks. While I agree with her statement to some extent, it is vital to consider that we still need green spaces or elements in our daily lives for mental and physical health purposes. For instance, governments could create numerous small-sized parks near communities instead of constructing a large one. This approach would bring people closer to nature and provide a temporary respite from the stresses of urban life. (200 words)

The allocation of green spaces and Striking a balance between allocating green spaces and providing public utilities for a broader range of people is hard to strike a balance. can be challenging (revised for clarity and conciseness). In my opinion, opinion, governments should arrange the cities' configuration design urban configurations more effectively by offering more additional amenities for the citizens, but adding a part of green parts in the cities. First of all, citizens while incorporating green spaces within the city (rephrased to improve clarity and flow). Firstly, I wholeheartedly concur with Claire's suggestion that we can mainly let the available land can primarily be used for businesses business or housing purpose purposes, with green spaces being built up created on the rooftops of existing buildings. buildings (revised to improve clarity). It is essential to note that each square in the city urban land is expensive, so we should maximize the spaces' use. maximizing the use of space is crucial (rephrased for better flow). For example, governments can take the advantage of could allocate sixty percents for shoppoing percent for shopping areas, twenty percents percent for manufacturing plants, and the last remaining twenty percents for green spaces. percent for green spaces (revised to improve clarity).

On the other hand, Kelly raises the argument that governments are supposed to focus on argues that governments should prioritize medical care more rather than merely parks. over parks (rephrased to improve clarity). While I agree with her statement to some degrees for her statement, extent (changed "degrees" to "extent" for better word choice), it is crucial to contemplate vital to consider that we still need some green land green spaces or green elements filled in our daily lives for mentally and physically healthy purposes. mental and physical health purposes (rephrased for better flow). For instance, governments can could create copios amounts of numerous small-sized parks nearby some near communities instead of building constructing a large one, which can make one (revised to improve clarity). This approach would bring people closer to nature and temporarily staying away provide a temporary respite from the stressful urban's life.stresses of urban life (rephrased for better flow and word choice).

8 Mind Map

1. Urban configurations

   • Effective design
   • Balance between green spaces and public utilities

2. Land allocation

   • Business and housing purposes
   • Rooftop green spaces

3. Space maximization

   • Shopping areas, manufacturing plants, and green spaces percentages

4. Medical care vs. parks

   • Importance of both for citizens' well-being

5. Green spaces for mental and physical health

   • Small-sized parks near communities

6. Temporary respite from urban stress

9 Key Words