TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: do you think that online shopping is, on the whole, affecting society negatively or positively?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22

3. Task completeness

The essay does a decent job of addressing the task, presenting a clear viewpoint in favor of online shopping's positive impact on society. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and elaborating on the points made. Additionally, the essay should address both sides of the argument more thoroughly to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide specific examples to support your claims about job opportunities created by e-commerce platforms.

• Address potential negative impacts of online shopping more thoroughly and explain why you believe the positive aspects outweigh them.

Example 1: "Surpported by e-commerce platforms like eBay, individual sellers who cannot afford offline store costs can now sell products online, reaching customers across the globe. For instance, small businesses that specialize in handmade crafts can now access a wider market through platforms like Etsy."

Example 2: "While it is true that some local stores may suffer due to online shopping, many businesses have adapted by offering their products online as well. This allows them to reach a larger customer base and potentially increase their revenue."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer organization and transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Clearly state your main points in the introduction.

• Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.

• Organize your paragraphs so that each one focuses on a specific point with supporting details.

Example 1: "In this essay, I will argue that online shopping has a positive impact on society due to its ability to create job opportunities and stimulate economic growth."

Example 2: "Although online shopping has led to the closure of some local stores, many businesses have adapted by offering their products online as well. Consequently, they can reach a larger customer base and potentially increase their revenue."

5. Grammar

I firmly agree with Kelly in that online shopping exerts ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') positive impact on society, because it creates large amoutabout(misspelling) of job oppotuntiesopportunities(misspelling), which then stimulates overall economy growth. SurpportedSupported(misspelling) by e-commerce platforms like eBay, individual sellers who cannot afford offline store costs can now sell products online, to customers in far distance, even abroad. Those distant transactions further createscreate(Subject-verb agreement plural) more job opportunity for product delivery services, which then creatscreate(misspelling) more job opportunity for those who may not have certain skills. Furthermore, e-commerce platforms need to high[No Replacement Word Found](unexpected noun after 'to') more engineers to upgrade their software and services, which provides more high-tech job opportunities again.

AdmittdlyAdmittedly(misspelling), online shopping leads to sufferings of some offline stores. However, they can also try to make use of the new opportunity to sell products online.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

Undoubtedly, online shopping has a predominantly positive influence on society, as it generates a plethora of job opportunities and stimulates overall economic growth. E-commerce platforms such as eBay enable individual sellers, who may not be able to afford the costs associated with physical stores, to sell their products online to customers located far away or even overseas. These remote transactions create additional job opportunities in product delivery services, catering to individuals who may lack specific skills. Moreover, e-commerce platforms require the expertise of engineers to continually upgrade their software and services, thus creating more high-tech job openings.

It is true that online shopping has led to the decline of some brick-and-mortar stores. However, these businesses can adapt by embracing the new opportunities presented by e-commerce and utilizing digital platforms to sell their products online. (139 words)

I firmly agree with Kelly in that Undoubtedly, online shopping exerts an has a predominantly positive impact influence on society, because society (revised for a more natural tone and clarity), as it creates large amout generates a plethora of job oppotunties, which then opportunities (changed "large amout" to "plethora" for better word choice) and stimulates overall economy growth. Surpported by e-commerce economic growth. E-commerce platforms like eBay, such as eBay enable individual sellers sellers, who cannot may not be able to afford offline store the costs can now associated with physical stores (rephrased for clarity), to sell their products online, online to customers located far away or even overseas (revised for better flow). These remote transactions create additional job opportunities in far distance, even abroad. Those distant transactions further creates more job opportunity for product delivery services, which then creats more job opportunity for those catering to individuals who may not have certain skills. Furthermore, lack specific skills (rephrased for clarity). Moreover, e-commerce platforms need to high more require the expertise of engineers to continually upgrade their software and services, which provides services (revised for better flow), thus creating more high-tech job opportunities again. openings (changed "opportunities again" to "openings" for better word choice).

Admittdly, It is true that online shopping leads to sufferings has led to the decline of some offline stores. brick-and-mortar stores (rephrased for a more natural tone). However, they these businesses can also try to make use of adapt by embracing the new opportunity opportunities presented by e-commerce and utilizing digital platforms to sell their products online.online (revised for clarity and better flow).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Online Shopping
   - Positive influence on society
   - Economic growth

2. E-commerce Platforms
   - eBay example
   - Individual sellers benefit

3. Job Opportunities
   - Product delivery services
   - High-tech positions (engineers)

4. Decline of Brick-and-Mortar Stores
   - Adaptation to e-commerce
   - Utilizing digital platforms for sales

Display title: 9 Key Words