TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Directions: You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of the quality of your writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and their relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific theories mentions in the reading passage.

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• TOEFL iBT Integrated Writing Task 1 Score: 25

3.Task completeness The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task by summarizing the points made in the lecture and explaining how they cast doubt on the theories mentioned in the reading passage. However, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations of the lecturer's points and using more precise language to convey these ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide clearer explanations of the lecturer's arguments.

• Use more precise language to accurately convey the ideas from the lecture.

Examples:

1. Instead of "Moreover, Rhinos need horns to dig for water, break branches, guide, and protect the young and the territories.", try "Moreover, Rhinos rely on their horns for essential survival functions such as digging for water, breaking branches while searching for food, guiding their young, and defending their territory."

2. Instead of "Those ancient beliefs are strong and unchangeable.", try "These deeply ingrained cultural beliefs are difficult to change through education alone."

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing each point from the lecture, and a conclusion. The organization is logical with each paragraph focusing on a specific point from the lecture. However, there is room for improvement in creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.

• Improve paragraph coherence by ensuring that each sentence relates directly to its main point.

Examples:

1. Add a transition word at the beginning of a paragraph: "Furthermore, educating consumers about keratin may not be as effective as suggested."

2. Improve coherence within a paragraph by connecting sentences more clearly: "The reading claims that legalizing government sales of rhino horn could decrease poaching. However, the lecturer contends that this approach may have unpredictable consequences, as it could potentially increase demand and create a larger market for rhino horn."

5. Grammar

In the reading material, the author cites 3 reasons to support the viewpoint that Rhinos should be saved from poachers. Nevertheless, the lecturer in the listening material argues that all proposals in the reading passage have significant weaknesses.

First and foremost, the author argues that scientists can dehorn Rhinos with effective medical surgeries and drugs, which is quite effective in protecting Rhinos from poachers based on past experienceexperience(past experience/memory (experience/memory)) in the early 1990s. However, the lecturer offers an opposite stand that reading's suggestion is not practical, but costly and time-consuming. Moreover, Rhinos need horns to dig for water, break branches, guide, and protect the young and the territories.

In addition, the lecturer casts doubt on the author's other reason that educating consumers that kertaincertain(misspelling) in the horn has no medical benefits, will reduce the need for horns, demonstrating that some citizens have tremendous cultural belief that horns have healing power. Those ancient beliefs are strong and unchangeable. Therefore, new scientific education will not overturn people's notions readily.

Finally, the author's third reason that the government legalizing sales of Rhino horns at an extremely low price will reduce the demand for horns, which in turn degrades poachers, is also counteracted by the lecturer who points out that the reading's claim is not predictable. Once the government starts legalizing the sale of horns at acceptable prices, the demand for horns will increase, and so will the overall market. As a result, once the demand for horns rises again, the price also climbs, which leads to large lucrative poachers ultimately.

Section Title: 6. Revised Essay

The reading passage presents three potential solutions to save rhinoceroses from poaching and extinction. However, the lecturer contends that these proposals have significant flaws and may not be effective in addressing the issue.

Firstly, the reading suggests dehorning rhinos as a means to deter poachers, citing a successful small-scale implementation in the early 1990s. The lecturer, on the other hand, argues that this approach is impractical and could negatively impact the rhinos' survival chances. She explains that locating and dehorning rhinos in the wild is both time-consuming and costly. Furthermore, she highlights that horns serve essential functions for rhinos, such as digging for water, breaking branches for food, guiding their young, and protecting their territory.

Secondly, the passage proposes educating consumers about the lack of health benefits associated with keratin found in rhino horns. The lecturer challenges this idea by emphasizing that many people hold deep-rooted cultural beliefs about the healing powers of rhino horns. These ancient beliefs are resistant to change; thus, new scientific evidence is unlikely to sway consumer opinions easily.

Lastly, the reading posits that legalizing government sales of rhino horns at low prices could reduce demand and discourage poaching. The lecturer disputes this claim by stating that such a move could have unpredictable consequences. She explains that legalizing sales might make purchasing rhino horns more socially acceptable, leading to increased demand and a larger market for them. Consequently, higher demand could drive up prices and attract more poachers instead of deterring them.

In conclusion, while the reading passage offers seemingly viable solutions to protect rhinoceroses from poaching and extinction, the lecturer casts doubt on their effectiveness by presenting counterarguments highlighting their potential shortcomings and adverse effects on both rhinos and market dynamics. (291 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7. Essay Grading

In the reading material, the author cites 3 three reasons to support the viewpoint that Rhinos rhinos should be saved from poachers. Nevertheless, the lecturer in the listening material argues that all proposals in the reading passage have significant weaknesses.

First and foremost, the author argues that scientists can dehorn Rhinos rhinos with effective medical surgeries and drugs, which is was quite effective successful in protecting Rhinos rhinos from poachers based on past experience in the early 1990s. However, the lecturer offers an opposite stand that reading's opposing stance, stating that this suggestion is not practical, but practical due to its costly and time-consuming. time-consuming nature. Moreover, Rhinos she emphasizes that rhinos need their horns to dig for essential functions such as digging for water, break breaking branches, guide, and protect the young and the guiding their young, and protecting their territories.

In addition, the lecturer casts doubt on the author's other reason that educating consumers that kertain in the horn has about keratin in rhino horns having no medical benefits, benefits will reduce the need for horns, demonstrating demand for horns. She demonstrates that some citizens people have tremendous deeply ingrained cultural belief that horns have beliefs about horns' healing power. Those ancient beliefs powers which are strong and unchangeable. resistant to change. Therefore, new scientific education will may not readily overturn people's notions readily. these notions.

Finally, the author's third reason that the suggests that government legalizing legalization of low-priced rhino horn sales of Rhino horns at an extremely low price will reduce the demand for horns, which in turn degrades poachers, is also counteracted horns and consequently discourage poaching. The lecturer counters this argument by the lecturer who points pointing out that the reading's claim is not predictable. Once such a move could have unpredictable consequences. She explains that once the government starts legalizing the sale of horns horn sales at acceptable prices, the demand for horns will increase, and so will the overall market. may increase along with market growth. As a result, once the if demand for horns rises again, the price also climbs, which leads to large again and prices climb accordingly, it could ultimately lead to more lucrative poachers ultimately.opportunities for poachers.

In conclusion, while the reading passage offers seemingly viable solutions to protect rhinoceroses from poaching and extinction; however, the lecturer casts doubt on their effectiveness by presenting counterarguments highlighting potential shortcomings and adverse effects on both rhinos and market dynamics.

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading passage: potential solutions to save rhinos
  - Lecturer: flaws in proposals

- Dehorning Rhinos
  - Reading: successful small-scale implementation
  - Lecturer: impractical, negative impact on survival
    - Time-consuming, costly
    - Essential functions of horns

- Educating Consumers
  - Reading: debunk health benefits of keratin in horns
  - Lecturer: deep-rooted cultural beliefs, resistant to change

- Legalizing Government Sales
  - Reading: low prices reduce demand, discourage poaching
  - Lecturer: unpredictable consequences, increased demand and market

- Conclusion
  - Lecturer casts doubt on effectiveness of solutions from reading passage

9. Key Words