TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Professor: should there be a tax on plane tickets, to protect the environment?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 27 (4.25)

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the task requirements by discussing the pros and cons of taxing plane tickets to protect the environment. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or statistics to support the arguments made. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion, as it leans heavily towards one viewpoint.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include specific examples or statistics to support your arguments.

• Provide a more balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument equally.

Example 1: Instead of simply stating that taxing might not alter the way people travel, provide data on how much ticket prices would need to increase for people to change their travel habits.

Example 2: Discuss potential benefits of taxing plane tickets, such as using the revenue generated from taxes to fund environmental initiatives or research into alternative energy sources for airplanes.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, organizing each paragraph around a specific point with supporting details would make the essay easier to follow.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

• Organize each paragraph around a specific point with supporting details.

Example 1: Instead of abruptly transitioning from discussing ticket prices to alternative green energy in the same paragraph, use a transition phrase like "In addition" or "Furthermore" before introducing this new idea.

Example 2: Organize each paragraph around one main point (e.g., one paragraph discussing why taxing plane tickets may not change travel habits; another discussing alternative solutions). This will make your essay easier to follow and help you develop your arguments more effectively.

5. Grammar

Well, whether taxing plane tickets will be an efficient approach to tackling environmental issues has aroused hot discussion. Student A asserts that it might be beneficial for environmental preservation because people might opt for alternative ways of traveling, leading to a drop airin air(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'in' is missing in a sentence.) pollution. As for me, I don’t think this argument can hold water. Taxing might increase the air ticket price but, but(Detects missing comma before "but") not that much to alter the way of traveling for most people, particularly for those who have to depend on air travel because other travel choices are unavailable or limited. For example, many international airline travelers have no other options. Plus, those people who care too much about the ascending air ticket price are most likely not the major audiences for airline companies and their choices for traveling have little impact on the whole issue. On the other hand, it is more beneficial for the government to encourage airline companies to excel in some alternative green energy to power the engines instead of imposing higher taxes on air tickets, a kind of contemporary solution, not the long-term sustainable way to address the air pollution caused by airplanes.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

The efficacy of implementing a tax on plane tickets as a means to address environmental concerns has been a topic of heated debate. Student A posits that such a tax could be advantageous for environmental conservation, as it may prompt individuals to seek alternative modes of transportation, thereby reducing air pollution. However, I find this argument unconvincing. While taxing may indeed result in higher ticket prices, the increase is unlikely to be significant enough to alter most people's travel preferences, especially for those who rely on air travel due to limited or nonexistent alternatives. For instance, many international travelers have no other viable options. Furthermore, individuals who are highly sensitive to rising ticket prices likely do not constitute the primary customer base for airline companies, and their travel choices would have minimal impact on the overall issue.

Rather than imposing taxes on plane tickets—a short-term and superficial solution—it would be more beneficial for governments to incentivize airline companies to invest in and adopt alternative green energy sources for powering their aircraft. This approach would provide a long-term and sustainable means of addressing the air pollution caused by airplanes while fostering innovation within the industry. (199 words)

Well, whether taxing The efficacy of implementing a tax on plane tickets will be an efficient approach to tackling as a means to address environmental issues concerns has aroused hot discussion. been a topic of heated debate (revised for clarity and conciseness). Student A asserts posits that such a tax could be advantageous for environmental conservation, as it might be beneficial for environmental preservation because people might opt for may prompt individuals to seek alternative ways of traveling, leading to a drop modes of transportation, thereby reducing air pollution. As for me, pollution (rephrased for better flow). However, I don’t think find this argument can hold water. Taxing might unconvincing (more natural tone). While taxing may indeed result in higher ticket prices, the increase the air ticket price but not that much is unlikely to be significant enough to alter the way of traveling for most people, particularly people's travel preferences (revised for clarity), especially for those who have to depend rely on air travel because other travel choices are unavailable due to limited or limited. nonexistent alternatives (rephrased for better flow). For example, instance, many international airline travelers have no other options. Plus, those people viable options (simplified language). Furthermore, individuals who care too much about the ascending air are highly sensitive to rising ticket price are most prices likely do not the major audiences for constitute the primary customer base for airline companies, and their travel choices would have minimal impact on the overall issue (rephrased for clarity and flow).

Rather than imposing taxes on plane tickets—a short-term and superficial solution (added hyphen and rephrased)—it would be more beneficial for governments to incentivize airline companies and their choices for traveling have little impact on the whole issue. ¶ On the other hand, it is more beneficial for the government to encourage airline companies to excel to invest in some and adopt alternative green energy to power the engines instead of imposing higher taxes on air tickets, a kind of contemporary solution, not the sources for powering their aircraft (revised for clarity and conciseness). This approach would provide a long-term and sustainable way to address means of addressing the air pollution caused by airplanes.airplanes while fostering innovation within the industry (rephrased for better flow).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Environmental concerns
   • Tax on plane tickets debate

2. Student A's argument

   • Encourage alternative transportation
   • Reduce air pollution

3. Counterargument

   • Insignificant price increase
   • Limited alternatives for travelers

4. International travelers

   • No viable options besides air travel

5. Price-sensitive customers

   • Minimal impact on overall issue

6. Alternative solution: Green energy incentives

   • Long-term and sustainable approach

7. Benefits of green energy adoption

   • Address air pollution
   • Foster innovation in the industry

8. Conclusion

   • Tax on plane tickets not effective
   • Green energy incentives more beneficial

9 Key Words