TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: whether parents should helping determine the futures of their children

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 2.5

2. 预估分数

20. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面表现一般。首先，文章没有明确回答问题，即父母是否应该帮助决定孩子的未来。此外，文章中的观点不够明确和详细。为了提高文章质量，建议在开头部分明确回答问题，并在正文部分提供更多具体的论据和例子来支持观点。

示例1（改进前）：从我的角度来看，让孩子听从父母的决定是有益的。 示例1（改进后）：我认为父母应该在一定程度上帮助孩子规划他们的未来，因为他们具有丰富的经验和对社会现状的了解。

示例2（改进前）：当父母给孩子一些建议时，我们不应忽视他们会分享自己的经验。 示例2（改进后）：当父母给孩子提供建议时，他们通常会结合自己的经验教训来指导孩子，这对于避免孩子走弯路非常有帮助。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面需要改进。首先，文章缺乏清晰的引言、正文和结论。其次，文章中的段落没有明确的主题句和支持细节。为了提高文章的结构和组织，建议使用引言-正文-结论的结构，并确保每个段落都有明确的主题句和相关支持细节。

示例1（改进前）：从我的角度来看，让孩子听从父母的决定是有益的。 示例1（改进后）：引言：在这篇文章中，我将讨论为什么父母应该在一定程度上参与孩子未来规划的决策过程。

示例2（改进前）：这将导致一个有利的结果，即他们的孩子在未来事业上不会遇到任何阻碍。 示例2（改进后）：结论：总之，父母在孩子未来规划中发挥积极作用是至关重要的，因为他们可以根据自己的经验为孩子提供宝贵建议。

5. 语法批改

The issue regarding whether parents should helpinghelp(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) determine the futures of their children has provokprovoke(misspelling) a heated debate. From my perspective, it is beneficial for children to let their parents to makemake(Don't let any negativity to affect (affect) you) some decisions. Adopting decision from parents enables children to avoid a lot of trouble. Although parents are very conservative, they have the experience about the current society. It is obeying choices from parents can help children to success easily. When parents give their children some advices, never should we ignore the fact that parents will narrate their experience ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) showing the theory and benefit to their children. As an example for their children to avoid detours. This will lead a favorable consequence that their children will without a hitch in their future career. To conclude, I assert parents should helpinghelp(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) their children to make decisions

Title: 6 文章修订

The debate surrounding whether parents should help determine their children's futures has generated significant discussion. In my opinion, it is advantageous for children to allow their parents to make certain decisions on their behalf.

By accepting guidance from their parents, children can avoid numerous pitfalls. While parents may be perceived as conservative, they possess valuable experience and understanding of the world. Heeding their advice can facilitate a smoother path to success for their offspring. When offering counsel, it is important to recognize that parents draw upon their own experiences, imparting practical knowledge and benefits to their children. This enables the younger generation to circumvent potential obstacles and setbacks in life, ultimately leading to a more seamless progression in their future endeavors.

In essence, I firmly believe that parents should play an active role in assisting their children with decision-making processes. (143 words)

The issue regarding debate surrounding whether parents should helping help (reason: "helping" is not the correct verb form) determine the their children's futures of their children has provok generated significant discussion (reason: "provok" is a heated debate. From misspelling and the phrase "heated debate" is informal). In my perspective, opinion, it is beneficial for children to let advantageous (reason: "beneficial" is repetitive and less specific) for children to allow their parents to make some decisions. certain decisions on their behalf (reason: rephrased for clarity).

Adopting decision By accepting guidance from parents enables children to their parents, children can avoid a lot of trouble. Although parents are very numerous pitfalls (reason: "trouble" is too vague). While parents may be perceived as conservative, they have the possess valuable experience about the current society. It is obeying choices from parents and understanding of the world (reason: rephrased for clarity and to fix grammar). Heeding their advice can help children facilitate a smoother path to success easily. for their offspring (reason: rephrased for clarity and natural tone). When parents give their children some advices, never offering counsel, it is important to recognize that parents draw upon their own experiences, imparting practical knowledge and benefits to their children (reason: rephrased for clarity and natural tone). This enables the younger generation to circumvent potential obstacles and setbacks in life, ultimately leading to a more seamless progression in their future endeavors (reason: rephrased for clarity and natural tone).

In essence, I firmly believe that parents should we ignore the fact that parents will narrate their experience , showing the theory and benefit to their children. As play an example for their children to avoid detours. This will lead a favorable consequence that their children will without a hitch active role in their future career. ¶ To conclude, I assert parents should helping their children to make decisionsassisting (reason: "helping" is repetitive) their children with decision-making processes.

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Debate on parents determining children's futures
   - Personal opinion: advantageous for children

2. Advantages of parental guidance
   a. Avoid pitfalls
   b. Valuable experience and understanding
   c. Smoother path to success

3. Importance of recognizing parents' experiences
   a. Practical knowledge and benefits
   b. Circumvent obstacles and setbacks
   c. Seamless progression in future endeavors

4. Conclusion
   - Firm belief in active parental role in decision-making processes

Title: 9 关键词