TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: when it comes to advertisement, someone argues that ordinary people would be better. while someone considers celerity is better. which of these two advertising strategies do you think is better?

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 23

3. Task completeness:

The essay does a decent job of addressing the task requirements by discussing both ordinary people and celebrities in advertising. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the viewpoints presented, as well as providing more specific examples to support the arguments. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more detailed explanations for each viewpoint.

• Include specific examples to support your arguments.

• Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Examples:

1. Instead of just mentioning Genshin Impact, explain how the celebrity endorsement led to increased sales or popularity of the game.

2. Discuss how ordinary people in advertisements can create a sense of relatability or trust among potential customers.

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay's structure could be improved by having a clear introduction that presents both viewpoints, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each viewpoint in detail with supporting examples, and finally a conclusion that summarizes the main points and states your preference.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Begin with an introduction that presents both viewpoints on advertising strategies.

• Divide your body paragraphs into separate sections discussing ordinary people and celebrities in advertising.

• Conclude by summarizing your main points and stating your preference.

Examples:

1. Introduction: "Advertising plays a crucial role in promoting products and services to consumers. Some argue that using ordinary people in advertisements is more effective, while others believe that celebrities are better suited for this purpose."

2. Conclusion: "In conclusion, while both ordinary people and celebrities have their merits in advertising strategies, I believe that using celebrities can bring more attention and value to a product, ultimately benefiting the company."

5. Grammar

Although Paul declares that “ordinary” approach is better idea compared with using celebrities because he believes that people will be more easily to strike a chord with them, I doubt if it’s effective enough to promulgate themselves with people who have no attractions to those potential costumers, alleviating the influences of the advertisement. In contrast, Claire advocate using celebrities to talk about their product is a better strategy, considering the fact that it’s easy for viewers to notice the enchanting celebrities. In this way, more attentions can be got from people. Apart from Claire’s point of view, I, similarly, also confirm that using celebrities can be more beneficial to firms because celebrities can generally raise the value of the product. For instance, a popular game in China, Genshin Impact, was barely known by anyone. However, after advertising that one of the most well-known actors is playing this game, arrayan array(This rule identifies whether the article 'an' is missing in a sentence.) of people followed, raising the value and the price of this game and gaining more profits. Therefore, overall, I think it’s necessary for companies to invite celebrities to advertise their brands.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In the realm of advertising, there is an ongoing debate between the effectiveness of using ordinary people versus celebrities to promote products. While some argue that relatable individuals create a stronger connection with potential customers, I contend that leveraging the power of celebrity endorsements can yield more significant benefits for companies. Although Paul asserts that an "ordinary" approach resonates better with consumers, it may not be sufficient to captivate those who are indifferent to such advertisements, thus diminishing their overall impact. Conversely, Claire posits that featuring celebrities in promotional campaigns can easily capture viewers' attention due to their inherent allure and appeal. I concur with Claire's perspective and believe that utilizing celebrities can enhance a product's value and elevate brand recognition. For example, Genshin Impact, a once-obscure game in China, gained immense popularity and increased profitability after revealing that a renowned actor played it. This instance demonstrates the potential advantages of incorporating celebrities into advertising strategies to bolster brand visibility and success. (167 words)

Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

In the realm of advertising, there is an ongoing debate between the effectiveness of using ordinary people versus celebrities to promote products. While some argue that relatable individuals create a stronger connection with potential customers (reason: clarity and specificity), I contend that leveraging the power of celebrity endorsements can yield more significant benefits for companies (reason: clarity and conciseness). Although Paul declares that “ordinary” asserts that an "ordinary" approach is resonates better idea compared with using celebrities because he believes that people will consumers (reason: clearer expression), it may not be more sufficient to captivate those who are indifferent to such advertisements (reason: clearer explanation), thus diminishing their overall impact (reason: concise summary). Conversely, Claire posits that featuring celebrities in promotional campaigns can easily to strike a chord capture viewers' attention due to their inherent allure and appeal (reason: clearer expression). I concur with them, I doubt if it’s effective enough to promulgate themselves with people who have no attractions to those potential costumers, alleviating the influences of the advertisement. In contrast, Claire advocate using celebrities to talk about their product is a better strategy, considering the fact that it’s easy for viewers to notice the enchanting celebrities. In this way, more attentions Claire's perspective and believe that utilizing celebrities can be got from people. Apart from Claire’s point of view, I, similarly, also confirm that using celebrities can be more beneficial to firms because celebrities can generally raise the enhance a product's value of the product. and elevate brand recognition (reason: clarity and conciseness). For instance, a popular example, Genshin Impact, a once-obscure game in China, Genshin Impact, was barely known by anyone. However, gained immense popularity and increased profitability after revealing that a renowned actor played it (reason: clear example). This instance demonstrates the potential advantages of incorporating celebrities into advertising that one of the most well-known actors is playing this game, array of people followed, raising the value and the price of this game and gaining more profits. Therefore, overall, I think it’s necessary for companies to invite celebrities to advertise their brands.strategies to bolster brand visibility and success (reason: concise summary).

8 Mind Map

1. Advertising debate

   • Ordinary people vs. celebrities

2. Connection with customers

   • Relatability vs. allure

3. Paul's argument

   • Ordinary approach resonates better

4. Claire's argument

   • Celebrity endorsements capture attention

5. Product value and brand recognition

   • Celebrities enhance value and recognition

6. Genshin Impact example

   • Renowned actor's endorsement boosts popularity and profitability

7. Advantages of celebrity endorsements

   • Increased visibility and success

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

In the realm of advertising, there is an ongoing debate between the effectiveness of using ordinary people versus celebrities to promote products. While some argue that relatable individuals create a stronger connection with potential customers, I contend that leveraging the power of celebrity endorsements can yield more significant benefits for companies. Although Paul asserts that an "ordinary" approach resonates better with consumers, it may not be sufficient to captivate those who are indifferent to such advertisements, thus diminishing their overall impact. Conversely, Claire posits that featuring celebrities in promotional campaigns can easily capture viewers' attention due to their inherent allure and appeal. I concur with Claire's perspective and believe that utilizing celebrities can enhance a product's value and elevate brand recognition. For example, Genshin Impact, a once-obscure game in China, gained immense popularity and increased profitability after revealing that a renowned actor played it. This instance demonstrates the potential advantages of incorporating celebrities into advertising strategies to bolster brand visibility and success.