TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: What's your take?Do you think targeted advertising
is ethical,or is it an invasion of privacy?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了问题，表达了对目标广告的看法。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更具体地解释为什么目标广告是道德的。

2. 使用更多的例子来支持观点。

示例1：为了说明目标广告如何提高消费者选择商品的效率和便利性，可以举一个购物网站根据用户浏览历史推荐相关商品的例子。

示例2：在讨论目标广告如何降低产品成本时，可以提供一个实际案例，说明公司通过使用更有效的营销策略节省了成本，并将这些节省转嫁给消费者。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在以下方面可以进行改进：

1. 在引言中简要介绍两位学生的观点。

2. 在正文中使用段落更明确地区分不同观点和论据。

示例1：在引言中添加一句话：“在这篇文章中，我将分析杰西卡和迈克的观点，并给出我的看法。”

示例2：在正文中，将关于目标广告降低产品成本和提高消费者选择商品效率的论点分为两个段落，使文章结构更加清晰。

5. 语法批改

While I can see Jessica's point that targeted information is a violation of our rights, I agree with Mike's perspective that targeted advertising is an ethical approach for consumers. As mentioned by Mike, targeted advertising that is more effective and cost-saving can reduce the cost of products. As long as the disturbance is bearable, the advertising usually provides us with newestthe newest(Zero or indefinite article ('a'/'an') before superlatives) information and prices of products that we have observed for a long time, liberating ourselves from the process of searching for the specific information about the price's change or products' updates; however, such a wide range of information will not be approachable when people block targeted advertisements. Apart from what Mike has raised, I add that targeted advertising offers a golden opportunity for consumers to improve the efficiency and convenience in selecting good. There is no denying the fact that we usually spend plenty of time on choosing what should purchase online or in shopping malls, being anxious, upset, depressed and so on. In light of the aforementioned anxieties, a viable remedy is that we can give up some allowable private rights to the merchants, and thereby we are able to save time and release depression; on the contrary, convenience may not be reached without targeted advertising. Therefore, targeted advertising is an allowable necessity and ethic in our daily life.

Title: 6 文章修订

In considering the ethics of targeted advertising, I find myself aligning with Mike's viewpoint that it is an ethical practice for consumers. As he points out, targeted advertising can be more effective and cost-saving, ultimately reducing the cost of products. Furthermore, such advertising often provides us with timely information and prices for products we have been monitoring, eliminating the need to search for updates or price changes manually. This wealth of information may not be accessible if people block targeted advertisements.

In addition to Mike's arguments, I believe that targeted advertising presents a valuable opportunity for consumers to enhance efficiency and convenience in their selection process. It is undeniable that we often spend a significant amount of time deciding what to purchase online or in shopping malls, experiencing anxiety, frustration, and even depression. To alleviate these negative emotions, we could choose to relinquish some acceptable privacy rights to merchants in exchange for a more streamlined shopping experience. Without targeted advertising, this level of convenience may not be achievable.

Hence, I argue that targeted advertising is both an ethical and necessary aspect of our daily lives. (188 words)

While In considering the ethics of targeted advertising, I can see Jessica's point that targeted information is a violation of our rights, I agree find myself aligning with Mike's perspective that targeted advertising viewpoint (clarifies the stance) that it is an ethical approach practice for consumers. As mentioned by Mike, targeted advertising that is he points out, targeted advertising can be more effective and cost-saving can reduce (more concise), ultimately reducing the cost of products. As long as the disturbance is bearable, the advertising usually Furthermore, such advertising often provides us with newest timely information and prices of for products that we have observed for a long time, liberating ourselves from the process of searching for the specific been monitoring (more natural phrasing), eliminating the need to search for updates or price changes manually (clearer explanation). This wealth of information about the price's change or products' updates; however, such a wide range of information will may not be approachable when accessible if people block targeted advertisements. Apart from what Mike has raised,

In addition to Mike's arguments, I add that targeted advertising offers believe that targeted advertising presents a golden valuable opportunity for consumers to improve the enhance efficiency and convenience in selecting good. There their selection process (clearer explanation). It is no denying the fact undeniable that we usually often spend plenty a significant amount of time on choosing deciding what should to purchase online or in shopping malls, being anxious, upset, depressed and so on. In light of the aforementioned anxieties, experiencing anxiety, frustration, and even depression (more concise). To alleviate these negative emotions, we could choose to relinquish some acceptable privacy rights to merchants in exchange for a viable remedy is that we can give up some allowable private rights to the merchants, and thereby we are able to save time and release depression; on the contrary, more streamlined shopping experience (clearer explanation). Without targeted advertising, this level of convenience may not be reached without targeted advertising. Therefore, achievable.

Hence, I argue that targeted advertising is both an allowable necessity and ethic in ethical and necessary aspect of our daily life.lives (concise conclusion).

Title: 8 思维导图

- Ethics of targeted advertising
  - Mike's viewpoint
    - Effective and cost-saving
    - Reduces product costs
    - Timely information and prices
  - Enhancing efficiency and convenience
    - Alleviating negative emotions
      - Anxiety, frustration, depression
    - Streamlined shopping experience
  - Conclusion
    - Ethical and necessary aspect of daily lives

Title: 9 关键词