TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: There are also many teachers who never assign journal writing. Now, I’d like your opinion: Is journal writing a worthwhile activity to support learning? Why or why not?

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task by providing an opinion on whether journal writing is a worthwhile activity to support learning. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion, considering both the advantages and disadvantages of journal writing. Additionally, the essay should provide more concrete examples or evidence to support the viewpoint.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Discuss both sides of the argument (pros and cons) before stating your opinion.

• Provide specific examples or evidence to support your viewpoint.

Examples in English:

1. "On one hand, journal writing can help students develop critical thinking skills by encouraging them to reflect on their learning experiences. For example, students may identify areas where they struggled in a lesson and brainstorm ways to improve."
2. "On the other hand, some students may view journal writing as an additional burden on top of their regular homework assignments, leading to decreased motivation and engagement in learning."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within paragraphs and clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Organize each paragraph around a single main point with supporting details.

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Examples in English:

1. "Firstly, journal writing can serve as an effective tool for teachers to assess student comprehension. By analyzing students' journal entries, teachers can identify areas where students may be struggling and adjust their teaching strategies accordingly."
2. "In contrast, opponents of journal writing argue that it may be perceived as busy work by students who are already overwhelmed with homework assignments. This could lead to decreased motivation and engagement in learning, ultimately hindering academic progress."

5. Grammar

I don't think journal writing is necessary for supporting learning, since all its benefits are already covered in daily homework. Adding this assignment will increase the unnecessary burden on students only.students. The purposes of writing journals, reflecting their thoughtswhere students reflect on lessons and respondingrespond to questions presented on classes, couldin class, can be all satisfied by daily homework being composed ofthat includes individualized practisepractice questions. FromThrough this kind of homework, their teachers could not onlycan truly learn about whether the students comprehensively understood presented lessons or not fromby analyzing the correct rate of answering the questions, butquestions. They can also could perceive the details of theseany wrong answers to find out the exact reasons that theystudents made mistakes and then effectively help them out in coming classes. Besides,Moreover, young, primary or secondary students are likely to obey their teachers blindly, so they will treat this repetitive assignment seriously for getting praised,the sake of praise, which is set tomay exhaust their energy and make them tired. Therefore, this burden will make them fear of learning new lessons that may require the same heavy assignments.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While journal writing can provide opportunities for students to reflect on their learning experiences, it may not be the most effective method to support learning in all cases. Daily homework assignments, which are tailored to individual practice questions, can adequately address the objectives of journal writing, such as processing thoughts on lessons and responding to class questions. Through analyzing students' performance on these tasks, teachers can assess their comprehension and identify areas for improvement more effectively than through journal entries.

Moreover, primary and secondary school students may not have the maturity or intrinsic motivation to engage meaningfully with journal writing activities. Instead, they might view it as an additional burden that exhausts their energy and dampens their enthusiasm for learning. Consequently, incorporating journal writing as a regular assignment could inadvertently create a negative association with learning new material. (143 words)

I don’t Display title: 7 Essay Grading

I don't think journal writing is necessary for supporting learning, since all its benefits are already covered in daily homework. homework (1). Adding this assignment will only increase the unnecessary burden on students only. (2). The purposes of writing journals, reflecting their thoughts on lessons and responding to questions presented on in classes, could be all satisfied by daily homework being composed of individualized practise questions. practice questions (3). From this kind of homework, their teachers could not only truly learn about whether the students comprehensively understood presented lessons or not from analyzing the correct rate of answering the questions, questions but also could perceive the details of these wrong answers to find out the exact reasons that they made mistakes and then effectively help them out in coming classes. classes (4). Besides, young, young primary or secondary students are likely to obey their teachers blindly, so they will treat this repetitive assignment seriously for getting praised, which is set to exhaust their energy and make them tired. tired (5). Therefore, this burden will make them fear of learning new lessons that may require the same heavy assignments.assignments (6).

(1) Clarification: I have removed "all" before "its benefits" to avoid overgeneralization.

(2) Improved phrasing: I changed "on students only" to "only increase the unnecessary burden on students" for better sentence structure.

(3) Grammar correction: I changed "responding questions presented on classes" to "responding to questions presented in classes."

(4) Improved readability: I broke down the long sentence into two sentences for better clarity and readability.

(5) Grammar correction: I combined "young," "primary," and "secondary" into one phrase for better sentence structure.

(6) Improved phrasing: I changed "fear of learning new lessons" to "fear learning new lessons" for a more natural tone.

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Journal Writing
   1.1. Reflection
   1.2. Learning experiences

2. Daily Homework Assignments
   2.1. Individual practice questions
   2.2. Processing thoughts on lessons
   2.3. Responding to class questions

3. Teachers' Assessment
   3.1 Analyzing students' performance
   3.2 Identifying areas for improvement

4. Student Maturity and Motivation
   4.1 Intrinsic motivation for journal writing
   4.2 Negative association with learning material

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While journal writing can provide opportunities for students to reflect on their learning experiences, it may not be the most effective method to support learning in all cases. Daily homework assignments, which are tailored to individual practice questions, can adequately address the objectives of journal writing, such as processing thoughts on lessons and responding to class questions. Through analyzing students' performance on these tasks, teachers can assess their comprehension and identify areas for improvement more effectively than through journal entries.

Moreover, primary and secondary school students may not have the maturity or intrinsic motivation to engage meaningfully with journal writing activities. Instead, they might view it as an additional burden that exhausts their energy and dampens their enthusiasm for learning. Consequently, incorporating journal writing as a regular assignment could inadvertently create a negative association with learning new material.