TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Doctor Diaz With so many opportunities to connect nowadays, some peoplebelieve that no matter which country we come from, we havemore similarities than we have differences. However, others haveobserved that differences between themselves and people fromother countries are growing. In your view, are differences betweenpeople from different countries increasing, or are they diminishing?Why?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但是可以有更多的改进。首先，可以加强论据的相关性和支持。例如，可以提供更多具体的例子来说明不同国家之间的差异正在减少。其次，在语言使用和语法方面也需要加强。有些句子表达不够清晰，需要进行修改。

改进建议（英文）：

1. Provide more specific examples to support your viewpoint, such as how technology has allowed people from different countries to communicate more easily and understand each other's cultures better.

2. Revise sentences that are unclear or grammatically incorrect, such as "With the technician advanced" should be "With the advancement of technology."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面还有待提高。虽然文章包含了引言、正文和结论，但是各部分之间的衔接和过渡不够清晰。建议在段落之间使用过渡词或短语来帮助读者更好地理解文章的逻辑。

改进建议（英文）：

1. Use transition words or phrases between paragraphs, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand," to help guide the reader through your essay.

2. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a specific point and includes supporting details. For example, the paragraph about your sister Laura could be expanded to include more information about how her experience in Korea has influenced your family's understanding of Korean culture.

5. 语法批改

I think Andrew is right when he says that goods from the world has been a part of our daily life. From my perspective, with the technician advanced, we would have more chance to touch goods of other countries. With time elapsing, you’ll have more similarities with people from another places. My sistersister,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) Laura, is a case in point. Last year, she decided to study in Korea. At first, she is surprised that people in Korea have nice skin, she wonders how they could maintain their skin. In that way, she decided to learn knowledge of protecting skin and share the outcome of her study with us. As a result, my family members have grasped many knowledgemuch knowledge(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + uncountable noun) of keeping our skin and use many skinmany skins(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + singular countable noun) protect products yielded by Korea. From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that difference between people from countries has decreased, because we will have more chances to communicate with other countries and reflected by them.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

Revised Essay:

Andrew's assertion that our exposure to global products is diminishing the differences among us holds merit. In my view, as technological advancements continue to progress, we are increasingly exposed to the customs and products of other nations, leading to a gradual convergence of cultures. My sister Laura's experience serves as an apt illustration. Last year, she embarked on a study abroad program in South Korea. Initially, she was intrigued by the locals' exceptional skincare routines and sought to learn their secrets. Consequently, she acquired valuable knowledge about skincare practices and shared her findings with our family. As a result, we have adopted numerous Korean skincare products and techniques into our daily lives. This example demonstrates how increased cross-cultural communication fosters a reduction in disparities between individuals from different countries. (135 words)

I think Andrew Andrew's assertion that our exposure to global products is right when he says that goods from diminishing the world has been a part of our daily life. From differences among us holds merit (clarified the subject and rephrased for better flow). In my perspective, with view, as technological advancements (corrected "technician advanced") continue to progress, we are increasingly exposed to the technician advanced, we would have more chance to touch goods customs and products of other countries. With time elapsing, you’ll have more similarities with people from another places. nations, leading to a gradual convergence of cultures (rephrased for clarity and coherence). My sister Laura, is a case in point. Laura's experience serves as an apt illustration (rephrased for better flow). Last year, she decided to embarked on a study abroad program in Korea. At first, South Korea (clarified context). Initially, she is surprised that people in Korea have nice skin, she wonders how they could maintain their skin. In that way, she decided was intrigued by the locals' exceptional skincare routines and sought to learn their secrets (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, she acquired valuable knowledge of protecting skin about skincare practices and share the outcome of shared her study findings with us. our family (rephrased for better flow). As a result, my family members we have grasped many knowledge of keeping adopted numerous Korean skincare products and techniques into our skin daily lives (clarified meaning). This example demonstrates how increased cross-cultural communication fosters a reduction in disparities between individuals from different countries (summarized main point and use many skin protect products yielded by Korea. From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that difference between people from countries has decreased, because we will have more chances to communicate with other countries and reflected by them.rephrased for clarity).

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - Andrew的观点
   - 文化融合现象

2. 技术进步与全球产品接触
   - 互联网和社交媒体的影响

3. 案例：Laura在韩国的经历
   - 韩国护肤品和技巧的学习与传播

4. 跨文化交流促进文化差异缩小
   - 从个人到家庭，再到更广泛的社会范围内的影响

5. 结论
   - 全球产品接触导致文化融合和差异减少

9 关键词