TOEFL TPO 25 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：4 连贯与衔接：4 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章在完成任务方面做得不错。你成功地总结了听力材料中的观点，并说明了它们是如何挑战阅读材料中的论点的。然而，为了进一步提高你的任务完成度，我建议你更详细地解释听力材料中提到的观点，以便让读者更好地理解它们是如何反驳阅读材料中的论点的。

示例1： 原文：“However, the professor thinks there might be wires excavated with the vessels, but the excavators who lack of archaeological knowledge to distinguish the use of those wires ignore or throw away them.” 改进：“However, the professor argues that it is possible that wires or conductors were found along with the vessels, but due to the lack of archaeological expertise among the villagers who discovered them, these crucial components might have been overlooked or discarded.”

示例2： 原文：“In addition, the power can be utilized to stimulate muscles and recure ache and pain, which is a denial to the point that the jars were not batteries because there was no device requiring electricity at that time.” 改进：“In addition, she suggests that ancient doctors may have used these batteries for medical purposes such as stimulating muscles and relieving aches and pains, which contradicts the reading's claim that there were no devices requiring electricity at that time.”

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论了一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。然而，为了进一步提高文章的组织和连贯性，我建议你在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语来帮助读者更好地理解观点之间的关系。

示例1： 原文：“First, the reading passage claims...” 改进：“To begin with, the reading passage claims...”

示例2： 原文：“Second, in the reading material...” 改进：“Furthermore, the reading material argues that...”

5. 语法批改

The professor in the listening part persists that three theories listed in the reading passage to support that the vessels are impossible to be employed as batteries in ancient times is unconvincing, and she refutes each point one by one.

First, the reading passage claims the vessels were found without any wires attached onto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) them, indicating the vessels cannot be the ancient batteries. However, the professor thinks there might be wires excavated with the vessels, but the excavators who lack of archaeological knowledge to distinguish the use of those wires ignore or throw away them.

Second, in the reading material, the copper cylinders, which were utilized similarly to those found in nearby ancient cities, were thought to be functioned as scroll holders. The professor, on the contrary, believes the cylinders could be originally designed to hold scrolls, but the usage of them varied to generate electrical power when the inventors found that if they put the cylinders, wires, liquid and vessels together, the jars will become batteries.

Finally, the professor deems that the electricity produced by the vessels when people touching them is easily being regarded as the evidence of some magic power. In addition, the power can be utilized to stimulate muscles and recuresecure(misspelling) ache and pain, which is a denial to the point that the jars were not batteries because there was no device requiring electricity at that time.

6.文章修订

The professor in the lecture contends that the three arguments presented in the reading passage, which claim that the vessels could not have been used as batteries in ancient times, are unconvincing. She refutes each point systematically.

To begin with, the reading passage asserts that the absence of wires attached to the vessels indicates they could not have functioned as ancient batteries. However, the professor argues that it is possible that wires or conductors were found alongside the vessels, but due to the lack of archaeological expertise among the villagers who discovered them, these crucial components might have been overlooked or discarded.

Furthermore, the reading material posits that the copper cylinders found within these vessels were used similarly to those discovered in nearby ancient cities for holding scrolls. In contrast, the professor believes that while these cylinders may have initially been designed for preserving scrolls, their purpose could have evolved over time. She suggests that some ancient inventor might have discovered that by combining copper cylinders with iron rods and liquid inside a clay vessel, electricity could be generated—thus giving birth to an early form of a battery.

Lastly, regarding potential uses for such batteries in ancient times, the professor disputes the reading's claim that there were no devices requiring electricity back then. She explains that when people touched these vessels and experienced a mild shock or tingling sensation, they might have interpreted this phenomenon as evidence of magical powers. Consequently, individuals possessing these "batteries" could convince others of their supernatural abilities. Additionally, she proposes that ancient doctors may have employed these rudimentary batteries for medical purposes such as stimulating muscles and relieving aches and pains—further contradicting the assertion made in the reading passage.

The lecture effectively challenges each argument presented in the reading passage by providing alternative explanations and potential uses for these mysterious clay vessels from antiquity. (310 words)

7.文章批改

The professor in the listening part persists that lecture contends that the three theories listed in the reading passage to support that the vessels are impossible to be employed arguments presented in the reading passage, which claim that the vessels could not have been used as batteries in ancient times is unconvincing, and she times, are unconvincing. She refutes each point one by one. ¶ First, systematically. (Revised for clarity and coherence)

To begin with, the reading passage claims the vessels asserts that the absence of wires attached to the vessels indicates they could not have functioned as ancient batteries. However, the professor argues that it is possible that wires or conductors were found without any wires attached on them, indicating the vessels cannot be the ancient batteries. However, the professor thinks there might be wires excavated with alongside the vessels, but the excavators due to the lack of archaeological expertise among the villagers who lack of archaeological knowledge to distinguish the use of those wires ignore discovered them, these crucial components might have been overlooked or throw away them. ¶ Second, in the reading material, discarded. (Improved transition and sentence structure)

Furthermore, the reading material posits that the copper cylinders, which cylinders found within these vessels were utilized used similarly to those found discovered in nearby ancient cities, cities for holding scrolls. In contrast, the professor believes that while these cylinders may have initially been designed for preserving scrolls, their purpose could have evolved over time. She suggests that some ancient inventor might have discovered that by combining copper cylinders with iron rods and liquid inside a clay vessel, electricity could be generated—thus giving birth to an early form of a battery. (Enhanced vocabulary and sentence structure)

Lastly, regarding potential uses for such batteries in ancient times, the professor disputes the reading's claim that there were thought to be functioned as scroll holders. The professor, on the contrary, believes the cylinders could be originally designed to hold scrolls, but the usage of them varied to generate electrical power when the inventors found that if they put the cylinders, wires, liquid and vessels together, the jars will become batteries. ¶ Finally, the professor deems that the no devices requiring electricity produced by the vessels back then. She explains that when people touching them is easily being regarded touched these vessels and experienced a mild shock or tingling sensation, they might have interpreted this phenomenon as the evidence of some magic power. In addition, the power can be utilized to stimulate magical powers. Consequently, individuals possessing these "batteries" could convince others of their supernatural abilities. Additionally, she proposes that ancient doctors may have employed these rudimentary batteries for medical purposes such as stimulating muscles and recure ache and pain, which is a denial to the point that the jars were not batteries because there was no device requiring electricity at that time.relieving aches and pains—further contradicting the assertion made in the reading passage. (Refined vocabulary and sentence structure)

The lecture effectively challenges each argument presented in the reading passage by providing alternative explanations and potential uses for these mysterious clay vessels from antiquity. (Clarified and polished sentence)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Professor's contention
  • Refutation of reading passage arguments

• Argument 1: Absence of wires

  • Reading passage claim
  • Professor's counterargument: overlooked or discarded wires

• Argument 2: Copper cylinders for holding scrolls

  • Reading passage claim
  • Professor's counterargument: evolved purpose, early battery invention

• Argument 3: No devices requiring electricity in ancient times

  • Reading passage claim
  • Professor's counterargument: magical powers, medical purposes

• Conclusion

  • Lecture challenges reading passage arguments

9.关键词