TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Should local or national governments promote tourism to remote regions not typically visited by tourists before? Why?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 24

3. Task Completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task, providing a clear opinion on whether local governments should promote tourism in remote areas. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more detailed examples to support the argument.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples of how promoting tourism can lead to infrastructure development in rural areas.

• Discuss potential drawbacks or challenges that may arise from promoting tourism in remote regions.

Examples:

1. "For instance, if a local government promotes eco-tourism in a remote area, it may attract private companies to invest in building eco-friendly lodges and transportation facilities, benefiting both tourists and local residents."
2. "However, it is essential to consider the potential negative impacts of increased tourism on these remote regions, such as environmental degradation or disruption of local communities' traditional ways of life."

4. Essay Structure and Organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in organizing the ideas more logically and providing clearer transitions between paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Divide the body into separate paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the argument (e.g., one paragraph discussing infrastructure development and another discussing conservation awareness).

• Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide readers through your argument.

Examples:

1. "Firstly, promoting tourism in remote areas can lead to significant improvements in infrastructure."
2. "Moreover, another benefit of encouraging tourism in these regions is raising people's awareness about conservation efforts."

5. Grammar

Whether governments should promote tourism to remote regions is a subject of ongoing debate. In my opinion, local governments should promote tourism in remote areas for two primary reasons. Firstly, rural areas lack infrastructure. Thus, if a local government improves rural areas’ tourism and attracts numerous tourists, some companies will invest in infrastructure, such as highways and railroads. It has a great benefit to the rural area. Additionally, promoting rural areas’ tourism can also increase people’s conservation awareness. Nowadays, residents of cities do not have a lot of chances to cope with environmental change; as a result, promoting tourism in remote areas urban helps residents learn about the preservation of wildlife and the environment.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

Promoting tourism to remote regions by local or national governments is a topic that warrants consideration. I believe that local governments should actively encourage tourism in these areas for two main reasons. First, remote regions often suffer from inadequate infrastructure. By fostering tourism and attracting a significant number of visitors, local governments can incentivize companies to invest in essential facilities such as highways and railroads, thereby benefiting the region as a whole. Second, encouraging tourism in rural areas can heighten people's awareness of conservation issues. Urban dwellers typically have limited opportunities to engage with environmental challenges directly; thus, promoting tourism in remote locations can provide valuable experiences that enhance their understanding of wildlife preservation and environmental stewardship. (122 words)

Display title: 7 Essay Grading

Whether governments should promote tourism to remote regions is a subject of ongoing debate. In my opinion, local governments should promote tourism in remote areas for two primary reasons. Firstly, rural areas lack infrastructure. infrastructure (revised to "First, remote regions often suffer from inadequate infrastructure" for a more formal tone and clearer expression). Thus, if a local government improves rural areas’ tourism and attracts numerous tourists, some companies will invest in infrastructure, such as highways and railroads. railroads (revised to "By fostering tourism and attracting a significant number of visitors, local governments can incentivize companies to invest in essential facilities such as highways and railroads" for improved clarity and flow). It has a great benefit to the rural area. area (revised to "thereby benefiting the region as a whole" for smoother sentence structure). Additionally, promoting rural areas’ tourism can also increase people’s conservation awareness. awareness (revised to "Second, encouraging tourism in rural areas can heighten people's awareness of conservation issues" for better flow and clarity). Nowadays, residents of cities do not have a lot of chances to cope with environmental change; as a result, promoting tourism in remote areas urban helps residents learn about the preservation of wildlife and the environment.environment (revised to "Urban dwellers typically have limited opportunities to engage with environmental challenges directly; thus, promoting tourism in remote locations can provide valuable experiences that enhance their understanding of wildlife preservation and environmental stewardship" for improved readability and coherence).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Promoting tourism in remote regions
   - Importance of local government involvement

2. Infrastructure development
   - Remote regions lacking essential facilities
   - Tourism attracting investment in highways, railroads, etc.

3. Conservation awareness
   - Limited opportunities for urban dwellers to engage with environmental issues
   - Tourism providing valuable experiences for understanding wildlife preservation and environmental stewardship

4. Conclusion
   - Local governments should encourage tourism in remote areas for infrastructure development and conservation awareness

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

Promoting tourism to remote regions by local or national governments is a topic that warrants consideration. I believe that local governments should actively encourage tourism in these areas for two main reasons. First, remote regions often suffer from inadequate infrastructure. By fostering tourism and attracting a significant number of visitors, local governments can incentivize companies to invest in essential facilities such as highways and railroads, thereby benefiting the region as a whole. Second, encouraging tourism in rural areas can heighten people's awareness of conservation issues. Urban dwellers typically have limited opportunities to engage with environmental challenges directly; thus, promoting tourism in remote locations can provide valuable experiences that enhance their understanding of wildlife preservation and environmental stewardship.