TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: With so many opportunities to come into contact nowadays, some people believe that no matter which country people come from, they have more similarities than differences. However, other people think that differences between people from other countries are growing. In your view, are differences between people from different countries increasing or diminishing? Why?

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 22

3. Task completeness:

The essay does a fair job of addressing the task requirements, but there is room for improvement. The writer presents two main points to support their argument, but the connection between these points and the overall question could be stronger. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Clearly state your stance on whether differences between people from different countries are increasing or diminishing in the introduction.

• Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.

• Make sure each point directly relates to the overall question.

Examples:

1. In the introduction, you could write, "In my opinion, differences between people from different countries are both increasing and diminishing due to various factors such as education and ethnicity."

2. When discussing education, provide a specific example of how higher education can help individuals understand cultural differences better.

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs lack focus on a specific point or do not provide enough supporting details. Additionally, transitions between ideas could be improved.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main point with clear supporting details.

• Use transitions to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.

Examples:

1. In the paragraph about education, start with a topic sentence like "Education plays a crucial role in shaping individuals' understanding of cultural differences."

2. Use transitions like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" when moving from one point to another in your essay to create a smoother flow of ideas.

5. Grammar

Nowadays, living in an increasingly globalized world, an intriguing hot topic has been arousing among people: are differences between people from different countries increasing or diminishing? From my understanding, that really depends, and I will elaborate on my points as follows. Firstly, education might play an essential role in evaluating this topic. It is universally known that the more informed education an individual receives, the better chance for them to evaluate the world critically and form their own informed opinions. With increasing globalized trends, people from different countries have more chances to contact each other by doing business, cross-cultural exchange, and even marriage. However, those engagements don’t indicate people have more similarities in communicating and interacting. Without proper education and informed guidance, people might find it hard to grasp another culture and ideology. For example, without engaging in much higher education no matter in China or foreign countries, a Chinese citizen probably might not be able to distinguish the cultural and ideological differences between China and Western countries, let alone evaluate which is more or less when compared to similarities and differences.

Secondly, ethnicity might be another reason for me to consider this issue a dependable topic. For example, when a country with numerous people full of extreme ethnicitiesethnicities'(Possessive apostrophe error) manner, like many Arabic countries, those people might consider more differences than similarities no matter how deeply those people get engaged in communicating and sharing. This is because those people maintain their own ethnicity super to other people. There are many examples in history to justify my points. Historically speaking, Adolf Hitler, one of the extreme fascist German leaders once conducted a horrible holocaust on Jewish people. Another recent example is the conflict between Hamas and Israel. Those two examples consistently demonstrate the difference is more than the similarities in such a globalized world. I bet that ethnicity plays a crucial role in those conflicts, which makes people consider their differences are much more than their similarities.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In today's increasingly globalized world, a compelling debate has emerged regarding whether differences between people from different countries are increasing or diminishing. In my perspective, the answer to this question is multifaceted and depends on various factors, such as education and ethnicity.

Firstly, education plays a pivotal role in shaping one's understanding of cultural differences. It is widely acknowledged that a well-rounded education enables individuals to critically evaluate the world and form informed opinions. As globalization progresses, people from diverse nations have more opportunities to interact through business, cultural exchanges, and even marriage. However, these engagements do not necessarily imply that individuals share more similarities in communication and interaction. Without adequate education and guidance, it may be challenging for people to comprehend another culture or ideology fully. For instance, a Chinese citizen with limited exposure to higher education may struggle to discern the cultural and ideological distinctions between China and Western countries, let alone assess the extent of similarities and differences.

Secondly, ethnicity serves as another crucial factor in determining whether differences between people from different countries are growing or diminishing. In countries characterized by extreme ethnic diversity or strong ethnocentric beliefs, individuals may perceive more differences than similarities regardless of their level of engagement in communication and sharing. This perception stems from the tendency of some groups to view their own ethnicity as superior to others. Historical events provide ample evidence for this argument. For example, Adolf Hitler's Holocaust against Jewish people was fueled by extreme ethnocentrism. More recently, the ongoing conflict between Hamas and Israel also highlights how deeply rooted ethnic tensions can overshadow commonalities between groups in a globalized world. These examples underscore the significant role that ethnicity plays in shaping perceptions of differences versus similarities among people from different nations.

In conclusion, determining whether differences between people from different countries are increasing or diminishing is a complex issue that depends on various factors such as education and ethnicity. While globalization has undoubtedly facilitated increased interaction and exchange between diverse groups, it is essential to recognize that these connections do not automatically lead to a greater sense of shared understanding or commonality. (360 words)

Nowadays, living in an In today's increasingly globalized world, an intriguing a compelling debate (changed "intriguing hot topic topic" to "compelling debate" for a more formal tone) has been arousing among people: are emerged regarding whether differences between people from different countries are increasing or diminishing? From diminishing. In my understanding, that perspective, the answer to this question is multifaceted (replaced "that really depends, and I will elaborate depends" with "multifaceted" for clarity) and depends on my points various factors, such as follows. education and ethnicity.

Firstly, education might play an essential plays a pivotal role in evaluating this topic. (changed "essential role" to "pivotal role" for better word choice) in shaping one's understanding of cultural differences. It is universally known widely acknowledged that the more informed education an individual receives, the better chance for them to a well-rounded education enables individuals to critically evaluate the world critically and form their own informed opinions. With increasing globalized trends, people from different countries As globalization progresses, people from diverse nations have more chances to contact each other by doing opportunities to interact through business, cross-cultural exchange, cultural exchanges, and even marriage. However, those these engagements don’t indicate people have do not necessarily imply that individuals share more similarities in communicating and interacting. communication and interaction. Without proper education and informed adequate education and guidance, people might find it hard to grasp may be challenging (replaced "hard" with "challenging" for better word choice) for people to comprehend another culture and ideology. or ideology fully. For example, without engaging in much higher education no matter in China or foreign countries, instance, a Chinese citizen probably might not with limited exposure to higher education may struggle (changed "not be able to distinguish distinguish" to "struggle") to discern the cultural and ideological differences distinctions between China and Western countries, let alone evaluate which is more or less when compared to assess the extent of similarities and differences.

Secondly, ethnicity might be serves as another reason crucial factor (changed "reason for me to consider this issue a dependable topic. For example, when a country with numerous people full of topic" to "crucial factor") in determining whether differences between people from different countries are growing or diminishing. In countries characterized by extreme ethnicities manner, like many Arabic countries, those people might consider ethnic diversity or strong ethnocentric beliefs, individuals may perceive more differences than similarities no matter how deeply those people get engaged in communicating regardless of their level of engagement in communication and sharing. This is because those people maintain perception stems from the tendency of some groups to view their own ethnicity super to other people. There are many examples in history to justify my points. Historically speaking, as superior to others. Historical events provide ample evidence for this argument. For example, Adolf Hitler, one of the Hitler's Holocaust against Jewish people was fueled by extreme fascist German leaders once conducted a horrible holocaust on Jewish people. Another recent example is the ethnocentrism. More recently, the ongoing conflict between Hamas and Israel. Those two examples consistently demonstrate the difference is more than the similarities in such Israel also highlights how deeply rooted ethnic tensions can overshadow commonalities between groups in a globalized world. I bet These examples underscore the significant role that ethnicity plays a crucial role in those conflicts, which makes people consider their in shaping perceptions of differences versus similarities among people from different nations.

In conclusion, determining whether differences between people from different countries are much more than their similarities.increasing or diminishing is a complex issue (changed "depends" to "is a complex issue") that depends on various factors such as education and ethnicity. While globalization has undoubtedly facilitated increased interaction and exchange between diverse groups, it is essential to recognize that these connections do not automatically lead to a greater sense of shared understanding or commonality.

Display title: 8 Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Globalization
  - Debate on differences and similarities
  - Education and ethnicity as factors

- Education
  - Role in understanding cultural differences
  - Well-rounded education for informed opinions
  - Global interactions (business, cultural exchanges, marriage)
  - Challenges in comprehending other cultures without adequate education

- Ethnicity
  - Influence on perception of differences and similarities
  - Ethnic diversity and ethnocentrism
  - Historical events (Holocaust, Hamas-Israel conflict)
  - Deep-rooted ethnic tensions

- Conclusion
  - Complexity of the issue
  - Dependence on factors like education and ethnicity
  - Globalization's role in increased interaction but not necessarily shared understanding or commonality

Display title: 9 Key Words