TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: When making a major purchase, like buying a car or a computer, we are influenced by a lot of factors: recommendations from friends or colleagues, information from the media (for example, TV, newspapers, or magazines), recommendations from a salesperson in a store, some other factors, to name a few. Which factor would most influence your decision? Why?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了题目，表达了自己的观点。但是，为了更好地完成任务，你可以在文章中提供更多具体的例子和详细信息来支持你的观点。此外，尝试使用更多的连接词和短语来使文章更连贯。

示例1： 原文：The seemingly high-quality products turned out to be a total hoax since they broke down merely after the first use. 改进：For instance, I once bought a computer based on an advertisement that claimed it had a long battery life and fast processing speed, but it turned out to be a total hoax as the battery drained quickly, and the computer lagged after just a few uses.

示例2： 原文：In order to achieve a higher kpi, salesmen will lure you into buying at their utmost, regardless of whether the merchandise fits you or not. 改进：For example, when I was shopping for a new phone, a salesperson tried to convince me to buy an expensive model with features I didn't need just so they could meet their sales target.

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构上看，你的文章有明确的引言、主体和结论。然而，在每段之间使用更清晰的过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。此外，尝试将每段的主题句放在段落的开头，以便读者更容易理解你的观点。

建议1： 原文：Personally speaking, recommendations from friends or colleagues mostly influence my final decision when shopping. 改进：In my opinion, the most influential factor when making a major purchase is the recommendations from friends or colleagues.

建议2： 原文：Now that these factors are playing an array of business tricks, friends or colleagues’ recommendations should be prioritized considering its authentic feedbacks. 改进：Given the potential pitfalls of relying on advertisements and salespeople, I believe that prioritizing recommendations from friends or colleagues ensures more trustworthy and authentic feedback.

5. 语法批改

Personally speaking, recommendations from friends or colleagues mostly influence my final decision when shopping. For one thing, suggestions offered by acquaintances, which are based on their actual experience of using, are usually reliable. However, advertisement on TV or websites are inclined to exaggerate their products’ quality, having no scruples by making false descriptions to trap customers into impulse buying. The seemingly high-quality products turned out to be a total hoaxhoax,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) since they broke down merely after the first use. For another, recommendations of salespeople are untrustworthy either. In order to achieve a higher kpiKPI(misspelling), salesmen will lure you into buying at their utmost, regardless of whether the merchandise fits you or not. Now that these factors are playing an array of business tricks, friends or colleagues’ recommendations should be prioritizedprioritized,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) considering its authentic feedbacks.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, the most influential factor when making a major purchase, such as a car or computer, is the recommendations from friends or colleagues. This is primarily because their suggestions are based on their personal experiences with the product, making them more reliable than other sources. In contrast, advertisements on TV or websites often exaggerate the quality of their products and may even resort to false descriptions to entice customers into impulsive purchases. Unfortunately, these seemingly high-quality products may turn out to be disappointing as they could malfunction after only a short period of use. Similarly, salespeople's recommendations can be untrustworthy since they are driven by the desire to achieve higher sales performance indicators (KPIs) and may not prioritize the customer's best interests. Consequently, given the authenticity of feedback from friends and colleagues, their recommendations should be given greater weight in decision-making processes for major purchases. (150 words)

Personally speaking, In my opinion, the most influential factor when making a major purchase, such as a car or computer, is the recommendations from friends or colleagues mostly influence my final decision when shopping. For one thing, (reason: more personal and relatable source of information). This is primarily because their suggestions offered by acquaintances, which are based on their actual personal experiences with the product (explanation: first-hand experience of using, are usually reliable. However, advertisement provides reliable feedback), making them more reliable than other sources. In contrast, advertisements on TV or websites are inclined to often exaggerate their products’ quality, having no scruples by making the quality of their products (reason: marketing tactics to attract customers) and may even resort to false descriptions to trap entice customers into impulse buying. The impulsive purchases (explanation: deceptive practices for increased sales). Unfortunately, these seemingly high-quality products turned may turn out to be disappointing as they could malfunction after only a total hoax short period of use (reason: false advertising leading to poor product performance). Similarly, salespeople's recommendations can be untrustworthy since they broke down merely after the first use. For another, recommendations of salespeople are untrustworthy either. In order driven by the desire to achieve a higher kpi, salesmen will lure you into buying at their utmost, regardless of whether the merchandise fits you or not. Now that these factors are playing an array of business tricks, sales performance indicators (KPIs) (explanation: focus on personal goals rather than customer satisfaction) and may not prioritize the customer's best interests. Consequently, given the authenticity of feedback from friends or colleagues’ and colleagues (reason: unbiased opinions based on experience), their recommendations should be prioritized considering its authentic feedbacks.given greater weight in decision-making processes for major purchases (explanation: more trustworthy source for informed decisions).

8 思维导图

- Recommendations from friends or colleagues
  - Personal experiences
  - Reliable sources

- Advertisements on TV or websites
  - Exaggerate quality
  - False descriptions
  - Impulsive purchases

- Salespeople's recommendations
  - Driven by KPIs
  - Untrustworthy advice

- Authenticity of feedback from friends and colleagues
  - Greater weight in decision-making processes for major purchases.

9 关键词