TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Today we’re going to talk about how most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. Do you think this is an ethical practice? Why or why not?

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay effectively addresses the task requirements by discussing the ethical implications of advertisements making products seem better than they are. The writer presents a clear viewpoint and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from further elaboration on the consequences of misleading advertisements for both consumers and businesses. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments or alternative perspectives would strengthen the overall argument.

Example 1: To further elaborate on the consequences of misleading advertisements, you could discuss how this practice can lead to legal issues for companies, such as lawsuits or fines from regulatory bodies.

Example 2: To provide a more balanced discussion, you could mention some potential benefits of advertising, such as increased consumer awareness about new products or services.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point with supporting details. However, the organization could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence.

Example 1: Instead of starting your second sentence with "Firstly," consider using a transition like "To begin with" or "First and foremost" to create a smoother connection between your introduction and first supporting point.

Example 2: In your conclusion, use phrases like "In conclusion" or "To sum up" to signal that you are wrapping up your argument before restating your main points in a concise manner.

5. Grammar

While both John and Samantha have provided some compelling arguments, I am inclined to align with John's stance. Firstly, just to piggyback on what John mentioned, embellishing the products can entice consumers into buying the products that may diverge from their original expectations. This can lead to consumers' complaints that may be published in the social media. As a result, the business's reputation will be damaged. Additionally, the advertisements that make products seem better may lead to the estrangement between consumers and companies. To be more specific, people may develop hostility towards the companies, as a consequence of being deceived into buying the products falling below their expectations. Under these circumstances, it will be difficult to maintain the harmony within a society, thereby imperiling the local economy.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

Although both John and Samantha present valid perspectives, I find myself more aligned with John's viewpoint. To build upon his argument, the embellishment of products in advertisements can lure consumers into purchasing items that ultimately fail to meet their expectations. This discrepancy may lead to customer dissatisfaction and negative feedback on social media platforms, consequently tarnishing the company's reputation. Furthermore, such deceptive advertising practices can foster a sense of mistrust and animosity between consumers and businesses. Specifically, individuals may harbor resentment towards companies for enticing them into buying subpar products. In the long run, this discord can disrupt societal harmony and potentially jeopardize the local economy. (111 words)

Display title: 7 Essay Grading

While both John and Samantha have provided some compelling arguments, arguments (valid perspectives), I am inclined to align with John's stance. stance (more aligned with John's viewpoint). Firstly, just to piggyback on what John mentioned, mentioned (To build upon his argument), embellishing the products can entice consumers into buying the products that may diverge from their original expectations. This can lead to consumers' complaints that may be published in the social media. media (This discrepancy may lead to customer dissatisfaction and negative feedback on social media platforms). As a result, the business's reputation will be damaged. damaged (consequently tarnishing the company's reputation). Additionally, the advertisements that make products seem better may lead to the estrangement between consumers and companies. companies (such deceptive advertising practices can foster a sense of mistrust and animosity between consumers and businesses). To be more specific, people may develop hostility towards the companies, as a consequence of being deceived into buying the products falling below their expectations. expectations (Specifically, individuals may harbor resentment towards companies for enticing them into buying subpar products). Under these circumstances, it will be difficult to maintain the harmony within a society, thereby imperiling the local economy.economy (In the long run, this discord can disrupt societal harmony and potentially jeopardize the local economy).

8 Mind Map

- Introduction
    - John's viewpoint
    - Samantha's viewpoint
    - Personal alignment with John

- Argument 1: Embellishment in advertisements
    - Luring consumers
    - Failing to meet expectations
    - Customer dissatisfaction

- Argument 2: Negative feedback on social media
    - Tarnishing company reputation

- Argument 3: Deceptive advertising practices
    - Mistrust between consumers and businesses
    - Resentment towards companies for subpar products

- Conclusion:
    - Discord disrupting societal harmony 
    - Potential jeopardy to the local economy 

9 Key Words