TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: This week, I want you to discuss assessment criteria. Some schoolteachers give high grades(marks) only to those students who perform well on their homework assignments and tests. Other teachers, however, may give high grades to students who have worked very hard on their assignments but have not performed so well. Which approach do you think is better: Giving grades based only on performance or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort？

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 27

3.任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得相当不错，但仍有一些改进的空间。首先，你可以更详细地解释为什么努力和勤奋对学生的学习过程如此重要。其次，在文章中提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点会使论证更加有说服力。

示例1：你可以详细说明，在实际工作中，一个努力工作并愿意克服困难的员工可能比一个成绩优异但不愿意付出努力的员工更受雇主欢迎。

示例2：你可以提到一些具体的教育制度或政策，这些制度或政策鼓励老师在评分时考虑学生的努力程度，以及这种做法取得了什么样的成果。

4.文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落组织和过渡方面还有改进空间。首先，确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定观点，并提供相关细节。其次，使用明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1：在讨论为什么努力和勤奋对学生的学习过程如此重要时，可以使用过渡词“首先”来引导这个观点，并在接下来的段落中详细阐述。

示例2：在提到具体的教育制度或政策时，可以使用过渡词“例如”或“比如说”，以清晰地表明你将给出一个实际例子来支持你的观点。

5. 语法批改

Kelly presents a convincing argument in favourfavor(misspelling) of giving grade based on performance only. Admittedly, judging students by their academic performance may seem fair and object, and is also easy to be quantified. However, given the fact that people’s intelligence varies from person to person, I am inclined to include students’ efforts as another significant factor when teachers are grading them. In my view, diligence and hard-working play an important role in the process of studying. Just as the saying goes, “ “ (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)no payspays,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) no gains “[No Replacement Word Found](Unpaired braces, brackets, quotation marks and similar symbols). A well-educated student, who worth grading a high score, should not only pay attention to their academic performance, but they also need to be proficient in working hard and bearing hardships. For example, as more and more emphasis are putting on student’s effort to the class, my college takes both final grade and students’ efforts on daily work into account, so that even the smartest students have to develop a study habit of being diligent in daily life. Therefore, I firmly believe that taking flexible grading scheme recognizing both real, actual performance and students’ effort will encourage students to work hard ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) and eventually put them in a favorable position in the upcoming competition.

6.文章修订

Kelly presents a persuasive argument in favor of grading based solely on performance. Undeniably, evaluating students by their academic achievements appears fair and objective, as it is easily quantifiable. However, considering the diverse intellectual capacities of individuals, I believe that incorporating students' efforts as another significant factor in grading is essential. In my opinion, diligence and hard work play a crucial role in the learning process. As the adage goes, "no pain, no gain." A well-rounded student deserving of a high score should not only focus on their academic performance but also develop proficiency in working diligently and overcoming challenges.

For instance, with increasing emphasis placed on students' effort in class, my college considers both final grades and daily work when assessing students. This approach ensures that even the most intelligent students must cultivate a habit of diligence in their everyday lives. Therefore, I firmly believe that adopting a flexible grading scheme that recognizes both actual performance and students' effort will encourage them to work harder and ultimately place them in a favorable position for future competition.

By implementing this comprehensive evaluation method, we can foster an environment where hard-working students are rewarded for their perseverance despite potential shortcomings in their academic performance. This approach not only promotes fairness but also prepares students for real-world challenges where determination and resilience are highly valued attributes. (225 words)

7.文章批改

Kelly presents a convincing persuasive argument in favour of giving grade (changed "convincing" to "persuasive" for variety) in favor of grading based solely on performance only. Admittedly, judging performance. Undeniably, evaluating students by their academic performance may seem achievements (rephrased "academic performance" for clarity) appears fair and object, and objective, as it is also easy to be quantified. easily quantifiable. However, given the fact that people’s considering the diverse intellectual capacities (rephrased "people's intelligence varies from person to person, varies" for clarity and formality) of individuals, I am inclined to include students’ believe that incorporating students' efforts as another significant factor when teachers are in grading them. is essential. In my view, opinion, diligence and hard-working hard work play an important a crucial role in the process of studying. Just as the saying (changed "important role" to "crucial role" for emphasis) in the learning process. As the adage goes, “ "no pain, no pays no gains “. gain." A well-educated student, who worth grading well-rounded student deserving of a high score, score should not only pay attention to focus on their academic performance, performance but they also need to be proficient develop proficiency in working hard and bearing hardships. diligently and overcoming challenges.

For example, as more and more instance, with increasing emphasis are putting placed on student’s students' effort to the in class, my college takes considers both final grade and students’ efforts on grades and daily work into account, so when assessing students (rephrased to improve clarity). This approach ensures that even the smartest students have to develop a study most intelligent students must cultivate a habit of being diligent in daily life. diligence in their everyday lives. Therefore, I firmly believe that taking adopting a flexible grading scheme recognizing that recognizes both real, actual performance and students’ students' effort will encourage students them to work hard , and eventually put harder and ultimately place them in a favorable position in the upcoming competition.for future competition.

By implementing this comprehensive evaluation method (rephrased for clarity), we can foster an environment where hard-working students are rewarded for their perseverance despite potential shortcomings in their academic performance. This approach not only promotes fairness but also prepares students for real-world challenges where determination and resilience are highly valued attributes (rephrased to improve clarity).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Grading based on performance
  • Importance of effort

• Argument 1: Diverse intellectual capacities

  • Fairness in grading
  • Incorporating effort as a factor

• Argument 2: Crucial role of diligence and hard work

  • "No pain, no gain"
  • Well-rounded students

• Example: College grading system

  • Final grades and daily work considered
  • Encouraging diligence in everyday life

• Conclusion: Comprehensive evaluation method

  • Rewarding hard-working students
  • Preparing for real-world challenges

9.关键词