TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: some experts believe that it is more effective to have ordinary people talkabout the product. Which of these two advertising strategies do you think is better?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22 (based on the average of Sub Scores)

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the specific requirements of the task by stating an opinion on which advertising strategy is better and providing reasons for that opinion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more concrete examples or evidence to support the argument.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples of how celebrities can improve trust in a new product.

• Address potential counterarguments to your viewpoint, such as why ordinary people might not be as effective in promoting certain products.

Examples:

1. "For instance, when a well-known celebrity endorses a new skincare product, consumers are more likely to trust its effectiveness because they associate the celebrity's flawless skin with the product."

2. "While ordinary people may be relatable, their endorsements might not carry as much weight for luxury items or niche products, as consumers may perceive them as lacking expertise or credibility in those areas."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within paragraphs and clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Organize each paragraph around one main idea with supporting details.

• Use clear transition words or phrases to guide readers through your argument.

Examples:

1. Instead of jumping between different ideas within a paragraph, focus on one idea per paragraph: "In addition to building trust with consumers, celebrity endorsements can also generate buzz around a new product due to their wide reach and influence."

2. Use transition words like "furthermore" or "on the other hand" to connect ideas: "Furthermore, celebrities often have a large following on social media, which can help spread the word about a new product quickly and effectively."

5. Grammar

In my opinion, I think advertismentsadvertisements(misspelling) involving celecritiescelebrities(misspelling) or famous entertainers are more effective to promote products, especially for brand-new products. The main reason lies in the fact that new products do not build any emotional relationships with cosumersconsumers(misspelling), hindering the trust between the new brand and cosumersconsumers(misspelling). However, celebrities or other public figures' endorsement can improve trust on the new product, which is easier to promote to a larger target audience. AdmittelyAdmittedly(misspelling), Paul claims that the "ordinary people "approach is better when potential customers see people like themselves using the same product. While it may be true, it is also important to notice that some products may not be daily-used in everyone, such as cute figurines or game machines. If I want to buy a Switch to play video game, I find it hard to seek for advice since others do not share the same interest as me. In thisthese('this' vs. 'these') cases, the celecritiescelebrities(misspelling) strategy more makes sense.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, advertisements featuring celebrities or famous entertainers are more effective in promoting products, particularly for brand-new items. The primary reason is that new products have yet to establish an emotional connection with consumers, creating a barrier of trust between the new brand and its potential customers. However, endorsements from celebrities or other public figures can enhance trust in the new product, making it easier to reach a larger target audience. Admittedly, Paul argues that the "ordinary people" approach is more relatable when potential customers see individuals similar to themselves using the product. While this may hold true in some cases, it is crucial to recognize that not all products are universally used by everyone, such as niche items like collectible figurines or gaming consoles. For instance, if I were interested in purchasing a Nintendo Switch for gaming purposes, I might struggle to find advice from those around me who do not share the same interest. In such scenarios, celebrity endorsements prove to be a more sensible strategy. (174 words)

In my opinion, I think advertisments involving celecrities advertisements featuring (revised for clarity and correctness) celebrities or famous entertainers are more effective to promote in promoting products, especially particularly for brand-new products. items. The main primary (revised for a more formal tone) reason lies in the fact is that new products do not build any have yet to establish an emotional relationships connection with cosumers, hindering the consumers (revised for clarity), creating a barrier of trust between the new brand and cosumers. its potential customers. However, endorsements from celebrities or other public figures' endorsement figures can improve enhance trust on in the new product, which is making it easier to promote to reach a larger target audience. Admittely, Admittedly, Paul claims argues that the "ordinary people "approach people" approach is better more relatable when potential customers see people like individuals similar to themselves using the same product. While it this may be true, hold true in some cases (revised for better flow), it is also important to notice crucial to recognize that some not all products may not be daily-used in are universally used by everyone, such as cute niche items like collectible figurines or game machines. If gaming consoles (revised for clarity). For instance, if I want to buy a were interested in purchasing a Nintendo Switch to play video game, for gaming purposes (revised for specificity), I might struggle to find it hard to seek for advice since others from those around me who do not share the same interest as me. interest. In this cases, the celecrities such scenarios, celebrity endorsements prove to be a more sensible strategy more makes sense.(revised for better flow).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Celebrity endorsements
   - New products

2. Trust barrier
   - Emotional connection
   - Public figures enhancing trust

3. Ordinary people approach
   - Relatability
   - Paul's argument

4. Niche products
   - Collectible figurines
   - Gaming consoles

5. Example: Nintendo Switch
   - Limited advice from peers
   - Celebrity endorsement benefits 

6. Conclusion 
   - Sensible strategy for certain products 

Display title: 9 Key Words