TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Dr. Gupta We are looking this week at different ways businesses market their products and services, especially nontraditional methods. One thing that marketers pay close attention to is online reviews of their products. A business might include customer reviews on their website or carefully monitor the reviews on third-party sites. I would like you to discuss your own experiences with online reviews. Do you find them useful when deciding whether or not to buy a product or service? Why or why not?

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the topic of online reviews and their usefulness in decision-making. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer connection to the given discussion between Student A and Clair. To improve the essay, consider incorporating more personal experiences or observations related to online reviews, as well as addressing both positive and negative aspects mentioned by Student A and Clair.

Example 1: Instead of just mentioning the study results, you could provide a personal example of how negative reviews helped you make an informed decision about a product or service.

Example 2: You could address Clair's concern about the credibility of reviewers by discussing ways to verify their authenticity or suggesting that businesses implement measures to ensure only genuine customers can leave reviews.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it lacks clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs, making it difficult for readers to follow your argument. Additionally, some sentences are too long or complex, which can be confusing for readers.

To improve the essay's organization:

Example 1: Use clear transitions between ideas within paragraphs as well as between paragraphs. For instance, instead of jumping straight into discussing Al's revenue in 2023 after mentioning Product Research 2022 results, use a transition phrase like "Another example that supports this idea is..."

Example 2: Break down complex sentences into shorter ones for better clarity. For example, instead of "Considering the negative dimensions of the product will only have positive effect on buyers dicision-making...", try "Taking into account the negative aspects of a product can actually have a positive impact on buyers' decision-making processes."

5. Grammar

While I appreciate Claire's point of view, my opinion is slightly different. Considering the negative dimensions of the product will only have positive effect on buyers dicision-makingdecision-making(misspelling), because people's overall impression of a product mainly depends on wetherwhether(misspelling) we can tolerate several drawbacks of it. According to Products Research 2022, 59% of tested individuals stated that their decisions of their purchasement[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling) did not dependsdepend(Non-infinitive verb after did/does) on wetherwhether(misspelling) the product is perfect enough, but on wetherwhether(misspelling) its benefits isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") appropriate and match their demands instead. TheirThere(Detects potentially wrong usage of "their") is another example support this study result: in 2023, the revenue of Al was much more higherhigher(No 'more' or 'most' before comparatives) than any other industries, even with the fact that there were some problems people should consider: for example, the safety of the informationsinformation(legal term: informations) the Al may create. Moreover, people can also have the access to understand a product more rationally if there isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") some bad comments being published, because they will have the opportunities to think carefully before they make decisions.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I acknowledge Claire's perspective, my stance diverges slightly. Focusing on the negative aspects of a product can actually have a positive impact on buyers' decision-making, as people's overall impression of a product primarily hinges on whether they can tolerate its drawbacks. According to a 2022 Products Research study, 59% of surveyed individuals stated that their purchasing decisions were not based on whether the product was flawless, but rather on whether its benefits aligned with their needs. This finding is further supported by the fact that in 2023, the AI industry generated significantly higher revenue than other sectors despite certain concerns, such as information security. Furthermore, the presence of critical reviews allows potential buyers to approach a product more rationally, as they are given the opportunity to carefully weigh their options before making a decision. (140 words)

While I appreciate acknowledge Claire's point of view, perspective (revised for a more formal tone), my opinion is stance diverges slightly different. Considering (revised for clarity). Focusing on the negative dimensions aspects of the a product will only can actually have a positive effect impact on buyers dicision-making, because buyers' decision-making (rephrased for better flow), as people's overall impression of a product mainly depends primarily hinges on wether we whether they can tolerate several its drawbacks of it. (rephrased for clarity). According to a 2022 Products Research 2022, study (corrected date format), 59% of tested surveyed individuals stated that their purchasing decisions of their purchasement did were not depends based on wether whether the product is perfect enough, was flawless, but rather on wether whether its benefits aligned with their needs (rephrased for better flow). This finding is appropriate and match their demands instead. Their is another example support this study result: further supported by the fact that in 2023, the AI industry generated significantly higher revenue than other sectors despite certain concerns, such as information security (rephrased for clarity and conciseness). Furthermore, the presence of Al was much more higher than any other industries, even with the fact that there were some problems people should consider: for example, the safety of the informations the Al may create. Moreover, people can also have the access critical reviews allows potential buyers to understand approach a product more rationally if there is some bad comments being published, because (rephrased for better flow), as they will have are given the opportunities opportunity to think carefully weigh their options before they make decisions.making a decision (rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Claire's perspective
   • Diverging stance

2. Negative aspects

   • Positive impact on decision-making
   • Tolerance of drawbacks

3. 2022 Products Research study

   • 59% purchasing decisions based on benefits alignment

4. AI industry example

   • Higher revenue in 2023
   • Information security concerns

5. Critical reviews

   • Rational approach to products
   • Careful consideration of options

6. Conclusion

   • Importance of acknowledging negative aspects

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

While I acknowledge Claire's perspective, my stance diverges slightly. Focusing on the negative aspects of a product can actually have a positive impact on buyers' decision-making, as people's overall impression of a product primarily hinges on whether they can tolerate its drawbacks. According to a 2022 Products Research study, 59% of surveyed individuals stated that their purchasing decisions were not based on whether the product was flawless, but rather on whether its benefits aligned with their needs. This finding is further supported by the fact that in 2023, the AI industry generated significantly higher revenue than other sectors despite certain concerns, such as information security. Furthermore, the presence of critical reviews allows potential buyers to approach a product more rationally, as they are given the opportunity to carefully weigh their options before making a decision.