TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Automation is a much-discussed topic in economics, one that continues to grow in importance with today's advances in robotics and artificial intelligence, or Al. Robots and Al provide powerful ways to replace human labor by doing work better and faster than people can. Automation can have very positive effects on businesses and the broader economy, but there are disadvantages as well. What do you think? Is the use of automation a positive development overall? Why or why not?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

虽然你的文章涉及了自动化技术对社会的负面影响，但在论证方面还有待加强。例如，你提到了AI导致网络犯罪率上升和人们思考能力退化的问题，但没有给出具体的例子或详细解释。为了使你的观点更具说服力，建议在文章中加入更多相关例子和详细说明。

改进示例1（英文）： Instead of just mentioning that AI leads to an increase in cybercrime, you could provide a specific example, such as how hackers can use AI to create more sophisticated phishing attacks that are harder for people to detect.

改进示例2（英文）： When discussing the decline in thinking skills due to reliance on AI, you could elaborate on how people might become overly dependent on AI for decision-making, leading to a lack of critical thinking and problem-solving abilities.

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间的过渡和逻辑关系方面还有待改进。建议使用一些过渡词汇和表达来帮助读者更好地理解你的观点，并使文章更加连贯。

改进示例1（英文）： To create a smoother transition between the points about cybercrime and the decline in thinking skills, you could use a phrase like "Furthermore" or "In addition to the issue of cybercrime."

改进示例2（英文）： When presenting your conclusion, you could use phrases like "In light of these points" or "Taking all these factors into consideration" to signal that you are summarizing your argument and help guide the reader through your essay.

5. 语法批改

In the debate of whether automation technology affects society negatively or positively, I contend that automation engenders a global detrimental contribution. Firstly, the emergence of AI escalates the rate of cybercrime. While automation technology is convenient, it outstandingly triggers personal privacy infringement. When people are using ChatGPT, private data information is collected. If these data are exploited in an immoral behavior, they will certainly induce social disaster and panic. Even if the data is peripheral, it is still a threat. On the other hand, I oppose Rory, who shares that AI benefits people by making better decisions. In particular, utilizing AI become usual in our society, but the mental effect of AI should not be overlooked. The reliability of AI may lead to the deterioration of an individual’s thinking skills. Without using our intelligence, people would gradually start to stop thinking about things by themselves. As a result, someday, AI may replace the function of our brain. To sum up, based on these premises, it is evident that the disadvantage outweighs the advantages of automation.

Title: 6 文章修订

In the ongoing debate surrounding the impact of automation technology on society, I argue that automation ultimately has a predominantly negative influence on a global scale.

Firstly, the rise of AI significantly increases the prevalence of cybercrime. While automation technology offers convenience, it simultaneously heightens the risk of personal privacy infringement. As individuals utilize tools like ChatGPT, their private data is collected and may be exploited for nefarious purposes, potentially leading to widespread social unrest and panic. Even seemingly innocuous data can pose a threat in this context. Contrary to Rory's belief that AI aids in better decision-making, I contend that we must also consider the psychological effects of AI on individuals. The overreliance on AI could result in the decline of critical thinking skills as people gradually cease to analyze situations independently. Consequently, there is a risk that AI may eventually supplant human cognitive functions.

In light of these considerations, it becomes evident that the disadvantages associated with automation outweigh its potential benefits. (167 words)

In the ongoing debate of whether surrounding the impact of automation technology affects on society negatively or positively, (clarified the context), I argue that automation ultimately has a predominantly negative influence on a global scale (improved clarity and conciseness).

Firstly, the rise of AI significantly increases the prevalence of cybercrime (more precise language). While automation technology offers convenience, it simultaneously heightens the risk of personal privacy infringement (clarified relationship between convenience and privacy risk). As individuals utilize tools like ChatGPT, their private data is collected and may be exploited for nefarious purposes (rephrased for clarity), potentially leading to widespread social unrest and panic. Even seemingly innocuous data can pose a threat in this context (clarified meaning). Contrary to Rory's belief that AI aids in better decision-making, I contend that automation engenders a global detrimental contribution. we must also consider the psychological effects of AI on individuals (established contrast with opposing view). The overreliance on AI could result in the decline of critical thinking skills as people gradually cease to analyze situations independently (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, there is a risk that AI may eventually supplant human cognitive functions (clarified potential outcome).

Firstly, the emergence of AI escalates the rate of cybercrime. While automation technology is convenient, In light of these considerations, it outstandingly triggers personal privacy infringement. When people are using ChatGPT, private data information is collected. If these data are exploited in an immoral behavior, they will certainly induce social disaster and panic. Even if the data is peripheral, it is still a threat. On the other hand, I oppose Rory, who shares that AI becomes evident that the disadvantages associated with automation outweigh its potential benefits people by making better decisions. In particular, utilizing AI become usual in our society, but the mental effect of AI should not be overlooked. The reliability of AI may lead to the deterioration of an individual’s thinking skills. Without using our intelligence, people would gradually start to stop thinking about things by themselves. As a result, someday, AI may replace the function of our brain. ¶ To sum up, based on these premises, it is evident that the disadvantage outweighs the advantages of automation.(summarized argument effectively).

8 思维导图

- Automation Technology Impact
  - Negative Influence
    - Cybercrime Increase
      - Privacy Infringement Risk
      - Social Unrest and Panic
    - Psychological Effects
      - Overreliance on AI
      - Decline of Critical Thinking Skills
      - Supplant Human Cognitive Functions
  - Conclusion
    - Disadvantages Outweigh Benefits

9 关键词