TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class onenvironmental science. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay effectively addresses the task by expressing an opinion on the advantages of buying used products and contributing to the discussion with relevant points. However, it could be improved by providing more specific examples or details to support the viewpoint. Additionally, it would be beneficial to address both Andrew's and Kelly's arguments more directly.

Example 1: Instead of only mentioning that some people focus on durability, provide a specific example of a used product that is known for its long-lasting quality.

Example 2: When addressing Kelly's argument about the absence of quality guarantees, offer a solution or alternative for those who cannot afford new products, such as seeking out reputable sellers who provide warranties on used items.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by organizing each paragraph to focus on a specific point with supporting details. Clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs should also be present.

Example 1: In the introduction, briefly mention both Andrew's and Kelly's arguments before stating your opinion. This will provide context for the reader and set up your response more effectively.

Example 2: In the body paragraphs, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point you will discuss in that paragraph. Then provide supporting details or examples before moving on to the next point. This will help guide your reader through your argument more smoothly.

5. Grammar

I concur with Andrew’s perspective that the second-hand products have more charm. In addition, with the preference of the used products, people could contribute a lot to the sustainable lifestyle. There is a common phenomenon that people are prone to follow the latest trend and might give up the products out-of-date but still in good condition, such as the former version of smart phonesmartphone(Recommended compounds (smartphone, website, …)), or the clothes inconsistent with the latest fashion, resulting in a waste of resources. While there also exit some individuals who are not susceptible to the fancy appearance of the products but focus on the durability of them. For those people, purchasing the used products would be a wise choice, contributing to the resources recycle rate and further benefiting the whole environment.

Although Kelly raised a relevant argument that costumers buying the used products would face the challenges from the absence of quality guarantees, she overlooked the fact that not everyone is able to afford such new products, since their initial prices are usually high.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

I agree with Andrew's viewpoint that second-hand products possess a unique charm. Furthermore, by opting for used items, individuals can significantly contribute to a sustainable lifestyle. It is common for people to chase the latest trends and discard products that are no longer fashionable but still functional, such as previous versions of smartphones or clothing that does not align with current styles. This behavior leads to a waste of resources. However, there are individuals who prioritize durability over aesthetics when making purchases. For these people, choosing pre-owned items is a prudent decision that supports resource recycling and ultimately benefits the environment.

While Kelly presents a valid concern regarding the lack of quality guarantees for used products, it is important to consider that not everyone can afford new items due to their typically higher initial costs. (140 words)

Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

I concur agree (1) with Andrew’s perspective that the Andrew's viewpoint that second-hand products possess a unique charm (2). Furthermore, by opting for used items, individuals can significantly contribute to a sustainable lifestyle (3). It is common for people to chase the latest trends and discard products that are no longer fashionable but still functional, such as previous versions of smartphones or clothing that does not align with current styles. This behavior leads to a waste of resources (4). However, there are individuals who prioritize durability over aesthetics when making purchases. For these people, choosing pre-owned items is a prudent decision that supports resource recycling and ultimately benefits the environment (5).

While Kelly presents a valid concern regarding the lack of quality guarantees for used products, it is important to consider that not everyone can afford new items due to their typically higher initial costs (6).

(1) "Concur" changed to "agree" for simplicity and natural tone.

(2) "The second-hand products have more charm. In addition, with charm" revised to "second-hand products possess a unique charm" for clarity and improved phrasing.

(3) "With the preference of the used products, people could contribute a lot to the sustainable lifestyle. There is a common phenomenon that people are prone to follow the latest trend and might give up the products out-of-date but still in good condition, such as the former version of smart phone, or the clothes inconsistent with the latest fashion, resulting in a lot" changed to "by opting for used items, individuals can significantly contribute" for better flow and word choice.

(4) Added "This behavior leads to" before "a waste of resources. While there also exit some individuals who are not susceptible to the fancy appearance of the products but focus on the durability resources" for better sentence structure and clarity.

(5) Combined two sentences into one for better flow: "...durability of them. For those people, purchasing the used products would be a wise choice, contributing to the resources recycle rate and further benefiting the whole environment. ¶ Although Kelly raised a relevant argument that costumers buying the used products would face the challenges from the absence of quality guarantees, she overlooked people..." changed to "...durability when making purchases. For these people..."

(6) Reworded sentence for clarity: "...overlooked the fact that not everyone is able to afford such new products, since their initial prices are usually high.able..." changed to "...it is important to consider that not everyone can afford..."

8 Mind Map

1. Unique charm

   • Second-hand products
   • Aesthetics
   • Durability

2. Sustainable lifestyle

   • Resource recycling
   • Environmental benefits

3. Latest trends vs functionality

   • Smartphones
   • Clothing styles

4. Quality concerns

   • Affordability
   • Initial costs

9 Key Words