TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Which approach do you think is better: Givingrades based only on performance, or gradingstudents not just on performance but also onheir effort?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task by discussing both Kelly's and Paul's viewpoints on grading students based on performance or effort. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed examples or explanations to support the chosen viewpoint. Additionally, some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammar errors or unclear language use.

Example 1: Original: "Specifically, it not only helps to indentify students’ perfoemence efficiently, but also fosters a healthy competive atmosphere among students." Improved: "Specifically, it not only helps to identify students' performance efficiently but also fosters a healthy competitive atmosphere among students."

Example 2: Original: "Therefore, I firmly believe that grades should be the only form to evaluate students’ performence." Improved: "Therefore, I firmly believe that grades should be based solely on students' performance."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by focusing each paragraph on a specific point with supporting details and using clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Example 1: Original: "In my view, this approach provides a relatively fair environment to evaluatie students’ achievement in academic work." Improved: "In my view, basing grades solely on performance provides a relatively fair environment for evaluating students' achievements in academic work."

Example 2: Original: "Moreover, these factors serve as powerful incentives for students to work harder and contribute significantly to long-term individual development." Improved: "Moreover, focusing on performance as the primary grading criterion serves as a powerful incentive for students to work harder, ultimately contributing to their long-term individual development."

5. Grammar

In discussing assessment criteria that teachers giving to students, Paul advocates that hard work should also count for students’ grade, not just performenceperformance(misspelling). Admittedly, this arrpoacharr poach(misspelling) has some merits, I find myself agreeing with Kelly’s suggestion that grades should be based on performenceperformance(misspelling) only. In my view, this approach provides a relatively fair environment to evaluatieevaluate(misspelling) students’ achievement in academic work. Specifically, it not only helps to indentifyidentify(misspelling) students’ perfoemenceperformance(misspelling) efficiently, but also fosters a healthy competivecompete(misspelling) atmosphere among students. Moreover, these factors serve as powerful incentives for students to work harder and contribute significantly to long-term individual development. Therefore, I firmly believe that grades should be the only form to evaluate students’ performenceperformance(misspelling).

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In the debate over assessment criteria, Paul contends that hard work should factor into a student's grade alongside performance. While this approach has its merits, I concur with Kelly's assertion that grades should be based solely on performance. In my opinion, this method offers a fairer environment for evaluating students' academic achievements. Specifically, it not only efficiently identifies students' performance levels but also fosters a healthy competitive atmosphere among them. Furthermore, these factors serve as potent motivators for students to work harder and contribute significantly to their long-term individual development. Consequently, I am steadfast in my belief that grades should be the exclusive means of assessing student performance. (113 words)

In discussing the debate over assessment criteria that teachers giving to students, (revised for clarity and conciseness), Paul advocates contends that hard work should also count factor into a student's grade alongside performance (rephrased for students’ grade, not just performence. Admittedly, better flow). While this arrpoach approach has some merits, its merits (corrected spelling), I find myself agreeing concur with Kelly’s suggestion Kelly's assertion that grades should be based solely on performence only. performance (clarified meaning). In my view, opinion, this approach provides method offers a relatively fair fairer environment to evaluatie students’ achievement in for evaluating students' academic work. achievements (rephrased for better flow). Specifically, it not only helps to indentify students’ perfoemence efficiently, efficiently identifies students' performance levels (corrected spelling) but also fosters a healthy competive competitive atmosphere among students. Moreover, them (improved readability). Furthermore, these factors serve as powerful incentives potent motivators (more precise word choice) for students to work harder and contribute significantly to their long-term individual development. Therefore, development (enhanced clarity). Consequently, I firmly believe am steadfast in my belief that grades should be the only form to evaluate students’ performence.exclusive means of assessing student performance (emphasized the main point).

8 Mind Map

- Assessment Criteria Debate
    - Paul's Argument
        - Hard work as a factor
        - Alongside performance
    - Kelly's Assertion
        - Grades based on performance only
    - Author's Opinion
        - Agree with Kelly
        - Fairer evaluation method
            - Efficiently identifies performance levels
            - Fosters healthy competition
            - Potent motivators for hard work
            - Contributes to long-term development

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

In the debate over assessment criteria, Paul contends that hard work should factor into a student's grade alongside performance. While this approach has its merits, I concur with Kelly's assertion that grades should be based solely on performance. In my opinion, this method offers a fairer environment for evaluating students' academic achievements. Specifically, it not only efficiently identifies students' performance levels but also fosters a healthy competitive atmosphere among them. Furthermore, these factors serve as potent motivators for students to work harder and contribute significantly to their long-term individual development. Consequently, I am steadfast in my belief that grades should be the exclusive means of assessing student performance.