TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: This week, I want you to discuss assessmentcriteria. Some schoolteachers give high grades(marks) only to those students who perform wellon their homework assignments and tests. Otherteachers, however, may give high grades tostudents who have worked very hard on theirassignments but have not performed so well.Which approach do you think is better: Givinggrades based only on performance, or gradingstudents not just on performance but also ontheir effort?

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3.任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地解释为什么基于表现的评分更好。此外，尝试引入一些具体的例子来支持你的观点。最后，在文章中加入对学生B观点的讨论和反驳，以使讨论更全面。

示例1：你可以提到一个具体的例子，说明为什么基于表现的评分更能激励学生努力学习。 示例2：在讨论学生B观点时，可以指出虽然努力很重要，但在评分时应以实际成果为主。

4.文章结构与组织

文章结构方面需要改进。首先，在引言部分明确提出你支持哪个观点，并简要概述支持该观点的理由。接下来，在正文部分详细阐述这些理由，并使用具体例子加以支持。最后，在结论部分总结你的观点和主要论据。

建议1：在引言中明确提出你支持基于表现的评分，并简要概述支持该观点的理由。 建议2：在正文中分段讨论每个理由，并使用具体例子加以支持。例如，可以分别讨论公平性、客观性和激励作用等方面。

5. 语法批改

In my veiwlaw(misspelling),I, I(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) totally agree with Kelly's opionoption(misspelling): giving grades based only onperformancenonperformance(misspelling). Nowadays, The fierce social competition makes people workandwork and(misspelling) live under great pressure. That means that today's society needs trulycapabletruly capable(misspelling) talents even more. The performance is more objective and canintuitivelycan intuitively(misspelling) show a person's true level .if the eve of effort can a so affectgradesaffect grades(misspelling), students' actual learning ability will decrease, and the evaluationcriteriaevaluation criteria(misspelling) for effort wiWI(misspelling) also vary from person to person. andAnd(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) differenteachers[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling) have different opinions on effort. EinalyFinal(misspelling), from what has beendiscussedbeen discussed(misspelling) above, we may safely draw the conclusion that giving gradesbasedgrades based(misspelling) on performance is better for school.

6.文章修订

In my view, I strongly agree with the notion that grades should be based solely on performance. In today's highly competitive society, individuals face immense pressure in their work and personal lives, necessitating the need for truly capable talents. Performance-based grading is a more objective measure that accurately reflects a student's true abilities.

If effort were to significantly influence grades, it could lead to a decline in students' actual learning abilities. Furthermore, the evaluation criteria for effort would vary from person to person, as different teachers have distinct opinions on what constitutes hard work. By prioritizing performance in grading, schools can ensure a fair and consistent assessment of students' capabilities.

While acknowledging the importance of hard work and character development, it is crucial to recognize that academic grading should primarily focus on the tangible outcomes of students' efforts. This approach not only promotes fairness but also encourages students to strive for excellence in their studies. (156 words)

7.文章批改

In my veiw,I totally view, I strongly agree with Kelly's opion: giving the notion that grades should be based only onperformance. Nowadays, The fierce social competition makes people workand live under great pressure. That means that solely on performance. (Revised "opinion" to "notion" for a more formal tone) In today's society needs trulycapable talents even more. The performance highly competitive society, individuals face immense pressure in their work and personal lives, necessitating the need for truly capable talents. (Rephrased for clarity and coherence) Performance-based grading is a more objective and canintuitively show a person's measure that accurately reflects a student's true level .if the eve of abilities. (Improved sentence structure)

If effort can a so affectgrades, were to significantly influence grades, it could lead to a decline in students' actual learning ability will decrease, and the evaluationcriteria abilities. (Revised for clarity) Furthermore, the evaluation criteria for effort wi also would vary from person to person. and differenteachers person, as different teachers have different distinct opinions on effort. Einaly, from what has beendiscussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion constitutes hard work. (Improved sentence structure and word choice) By prioritizing performance in grading, schools can ensure a fair and consistent assessment of students' capabilities. (Rephrased for coherence)

While acknowledging the importance of hard work and character development, it is crucial to recognize that giving gradesbased academic grading should primarily focus on performance is better for school.the tangible outcomes of students' efforts. (Improved sentence structure and word choice) This approach not only promotes fairness but also encourages students to strive for excellence in their studies. (Added "in their studies" for specificity)

8.思维导图

- Introduction
  - Agree with performance-based grading
  - Competitive society

- Performance-based grading
  - Objective measure
  - Reflects true abilities

- Effort-based grading issues
  - Decline in learning abilities
  - Varying evaluation criteria

- Prioritizing performance in grading
  - Fair and consistent assessment

- Importance of hard work and character development
  - Focus on tangible outcomes of efforts
  - Promotes fairness and encourages excellence in studies

9.关键词