TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: So, let me ask you today: Twenty years in the future, will people have more leisure time ( free time) and less work than they have today? why or why not?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 24

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the question and presenting a clear viewpoint on the topic. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on the reasons behind your viewpoint and providing more specific examples to support your argument. Additionally, some grammar errors and awkward phrasing make the essay slightly difficult to understand at times.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your argument.

• Expand on your reasons for believing that people will have shorter working hours in the future.

• Revise grammar errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.

Example 1: Original: "The well-developed artificial intelligence will take the place of huamn labor in most laborious and repetitive works." Improved: "Advanced artificial intelligence will replace human labor in many labor-intensive and repetitive tasks, reducing the need for long working hours."

Example 2: Original: "In this way, human can devote their time extensively into intelligence require jobs." Improved: "As a result, humans can focus their time on jobs that require higher levels of intelligence and creativity."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance its organization.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas within paragraphs.

• Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main point with supporting details.

Example 1: Original: "However, it is hard to overlook the factors of developing techonology enhancing the working efficiency..." Improved: "On the other hand, we cannot ignore the impact of advancing technology on improving work efficiency..."

Example 2: Original: "For example, in nowdays China, most of the homework can be evaluated and corrected by website equippied with intelligent programs..." Improved: "For instance, in present-day China, many websites equipped with intelligent programs can evaluate and correct students' homework, allowing teachers to focus on more important tasks."

5. Grammar

I admit that Paul's perspective that humanbeingshuman beings(misspelling) will have longer working hours in the future concerning how competitive the society will become holds validity. It is undeniable that workers may be required to work longer by companies to provide competitive advantages. However, it is hard to overlook the factors of developing techonologytechnology(misspelling) enhancing the working efficiency, which will contribute to shortening the working hours in the future when astimatingestimating(misspelling) the future working burdens. The well-developed artificial intelligence will take the place of huamnhuman(misspelling) labor in most laborious and repetitive works. In this way, human can devote their time extensively into intelligence require jobs. For example, in nowdaysnowadays(misspelling) China, most of the homework can be evaluated and corrected by website equippiedequipped(misspelling) with intelligent programs, freeing teachers from checking the school work of students page by page and permitting them to devote more time tintointo(misspelling) other significant works. Therefore, I firmly believe that people in the future will have shorter working hours

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While Paul's argument that individuals may face longer working hours in the future due to increasing societal competitiveness holds some merit, it is essential to consider the impact of technological advancements on work efficiency. Undoubtedly, workers may be pressured by companies to work longer hours for a competitive edge. However, it is difficult to ignore the role of emerging technologies in potentially reducing future workloads. The continuous development of artificial intelligence (AI) will likely replace human labor in many labor-intensive and repetitive tasks, allowing people to focus more on intellectually demanding jobs. For instance, in contemporary China, numerous homework assignments can be assessed and corrected by websites equipped with intelligent programs. This innovation liberates teachers from tediously reviewing students' work page by page and enables them to dedicate more time to other meaningful tasks. Consequently, I firmly believe that people will experience shorter working hours in the future, resulting in increased leisure time. (158 words)

I admit Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

While Paul's argument that Paul's perspective that humanbeings will have individuals may face longer working hours in the future concerning how competitive the society will become due to increasing societal competitiveness holds validity. It some merit (1), it is undeniable that essential to consider the impact of technological advancements on work efficiency (2). Undoubtedly, workers may be required pressured by companies to work longer by companies to provide hours for a competitive advantages. edge (3). However, it is hard to overlook the factors difficult to ignore the role of developing techonology enhancing the working efficiency, which will contribute to shortening the working hours in the emerging technologies in potentially reducing future when astimating the future working burdens. workloads (4). The well-developed continuous development of artificial intelligence (AI) will take the place of huamn likely replace human labor in most laborious many labor-intensive and repetitive works. In this way, human tasks, allowing people to focus more on intellectually demanding jobs (5). For instance, in contemporary China, numerous homework assignments can devote their time extensively into intelligence require jobs. For example, in nowdays China, most of the homework can be evaluated be assessed and corrected by website equippied websites equipped with intelligent programs, freeing programs (6). This innovation liberates teachers from checking the school work of students tediously reviewing students' work page by page and permitting enables them to devote dedicate more time tinto to other significant works. Therefore, meaningful tasks (7). Consequently, I firmly believe that people in the future will have experience shorter working hourshours in the future, resulting in increased leisure time (8).

(1) Revised "Paul's perspective" to "Paul's argument" for a more natural tone.

(2) Changed "developing techonology enhancing the working efficiency" to "technological advancements on work efficiency" for clarity and correct spelling.

(3) Reworded "workers may be required to work longer by companies" to "workers may be pressured by companies to work longer hours" for a smoother flow.

(4) Changed "when astimating the future working burdens" to "in potentially reducing future workloads" for clarity and correct spelling.

(5) Revised "huamn labor" to "human labor" for correct spelling and rephrased the sentence for better flow.

(6) Reworded "in nowdays China, most of the homework can be evaluated and corrected by website equippied with intelligent programs" for clarity, correct spelling, and a more natural tone.

(7) Changed "permitting them to devote more time tinto other significant works" to "enables them to dedicate more time to other meaningful tasks" for a smoother flow and correct spelling.

(8) Added "resulting in increased leisure time" for a stronger conclusion.

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Paul's argument
   • Technological advancements

2. Longer working hours

   • Societal competitiveness
   • Company pressure

3. Technological impact on work efficiency

   • AI development
   • Replacement of human labor

4. Intellectual job focus

   • Labor-intensive tasks reduced
   • Repetitive tasks automated

5. Contemporary China example

   • AI-assisted homework assessment
   • Teacher workload reduction

6. Shorter working hours prediction

   • Increased leisure time

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

While Paul's argument that individuals may face longer working hours in the future due to increasing societal competitiveness holds some merit, it is essential to consider the impact of technological advancements on work efficiency. Undoubtedly, workers may be pressured by companies to work longer hours for a competitive edge. However, it is difficult to ignore the role of emerging technologies in potentially reducing future workloads. The continuous development of artificial intelligence (AI) will likely replace human labor in many labor-intensive and repetitive tasks, allowing people to focus more on intellectually demanding jobs. For instance, in contemporary China, numerous homework assignments can be assessed and corrected by websites equipped with intelligent programs. This innovation liberates teachers from tediously reviewing students' work page by page and enables them to dedicate more time to other meaningful tasks. Consequently, I firmly believe that people will experience shorter working hours in the future, resulting in increased leisure time.