TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: One such proposal is to make class attendance optional. For instance, under an optional-attendance policy, university students could choose not to attend classes but instead study the course materials and acquire the knowledge on their own time. Their grade would then be based entirely on exams or papers. What are your thoughts on this approach?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22 (based on the average of Sub Scores)

3. Task completeness

The essay does address the topic of optional class attendance in higher education, but it could be improved by providing more specific examples and discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of this approach. Additionally, the essay should refer to the conversation between the professor and students to better integrate their viewpoints into the discussion.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include specific examples or situations where optional class attendance would be beneficial for students.

• Discuss potential drawbacks or concerns related to optional class attendance.

• Refer to the conversation between the professor and students, incorporating their viewpoints into your argument.

Examples in English:

1. "As Student A mentioned, university students often have busy schedules with work and internships, making it difficult to attend every class session. Optional attendance would allow them to prioritize their time more effectively."
2. "However, as Student B pointed out, mandatory class attendance can teach discipline and responsibility, which are valuable skills for future careers."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could be improved by having clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs, as well as focusing on specific points in each paragraph.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

• Focus on one main point per paragraph with supporting details.

• Revise the introduction to better introduce your argument.

Examples in English:

1. "On one hand, optional class attendance can provide flexibility for busy students who need to balance work, internships, and academics. For example,..."
2. "On the other hand, there are concerns that making class attendance optional may lead to a lack of discipline and responsibility among students. As Student B argued,..."

5. Grammar

I support this proposal because it offers these students a good way to arrange their schedules. After graduating from high school, many of these students would become very busy onwith studying in college, earning money to pay for tuition, and doing internships, and all thesecompleting internships—all of which are crucial assignments that have tomust be done induring the same years. Meanwhile, they also naturally want to getachieve the best outcomes from all these three things: highest scores, most moneymoney, and dreamiest internships, butinternships. However, many satisfying jobs wouldwill be done inavailable during the same time as usual classes take place. Unfortunately, objectivelyobjectively, social order has decided that working time off campus cannot be altered casually, socasually. Therefore, schools offering postsecondary education should refine their class schedules to fit in with the fact to letthis fact, allowing their students fulfill above objectives. That is where the optional class attendance comes in. Under this condition, the students could spend day timedaytime on thetheir most preferred jobs and study at night by learning class materials on their own, leading to a better resultresults than they expected.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

I am in favor of the optional attendance proposal, as it provides students with the flexibility to manage their schedules more effectively. College students often face multiple responsibilities, such as pursuing their education, working to pay for tuition, and participating in internships. Balancing these commitments is essential for achieving optimal results in academics, financial stability, and securing desirable internships. However, many rewarding job opportunities may coincide with regular class hours. Given that off-campus work schedules cannot be easily adjusted, it is crucial for postsecondary institutions to adapt their class schedules to accommodate these realities. This is where optional class attendance becomes beneficial. By allowing students to choose whether or not to attend classes physically, they can allocate daytime hours to prioritize job opportunities and engage in self-study during evenings or other convenient times. Consequently, this approach can lead to improved outcomes that align with students' goals and aspirations. (153 words)

Revised essay: Display title: 6 Revised Essay

I support this am in favor of the optional attendance proposal because (revised for clarity and conciseness), as it offers provides students with the flexibility to manage their schedules more effectively. College students often face multiple responsibilities, such as pursuing their education, working to pay for tuition, and participating in internships. Balancing these students a good way to arrange their schedules. After graduating from high school, commitments is essential for achieving optimal results in academics, financial stability, and securing desirable internships. However, many of these students would become very busy on studying in college, earning money to pay for tuition, and doing internships, and all these are crucial assignments rewarding job opportunities may coincide with regular class hours (rephrased for better flow). Given that have to be done in the same years. Meanwhile, they also naturally want to get the best outcomes from all these three things: highest scores, most money and dreamiest internships, but many satisfying jobs would be done in the same time as usual classes take place. Unfortunately, objectively social order has decided that working time off campus off-campus work schedules cannot be altered casually, so schools offering easily adjusted (simplified language), it is crucial for postsecondary education should refine institutions to adapt their class schedules to fit in with the fact to let their students fulfill above objectives. That accommodate these realities (clarified meaning). This is where the optional class attendance comes in. Under becomes beneficial (smooth transition). By allowing students to choose whether or not to attend classes physically (clearer expression), they can allocate daytime hours to prioritize job opportunities and engage in self-study during evenings or other convenient times (concise explanation). Consequently, this condition, the students could spend day time on the most preferred jobs and study at night by learning class materials on their own, leading to a better result they expected.approach can lead to improved outcomes that align with students' goals and aspirations (strong concluding statement).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Optional attendance proposal

   • Flexibility for students
   • Effective schedule management

2. College student responsibilities

   • Education
   • Work for tuition
   • Internships

3. Balancing commitments

   • Academic success
   • Financial stability
   • Desirable internships

4. Conflicting schedules

   • Rewarding job opportunities during class hours

5. Off-campus work schedules adjustment difficulties

6. Postsecondary institutions adaptation

7. Benefits of optional class attendance

   • Prioritize job opportunities
   • Self-study during convenient times

8. Improved outcomes

   • Align with students' goals and aspirations

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

I am in favor of the optional attendance proposal, as it provides students with the flexibility to manage their schedules more effectively. College students often face multiple responsibilities, such as pursuing their education, working to pay for tuition, and participating in internships. Balancing these commitments is essential for achieving optimal results in academics, financial stability, and securing desirable internships. However, many rewarding job opportunities may coincide with regular class hours. Given that off-campus work schedules cannot be easily adjusted, it is crucial for postsecondary institutions to adapt their class schedules to accommodate these realities. This is where optional class attendance becomes beneficial. By allowing students to choose whether or not to attend classes physically, they can allocate daytime hours to prioritize job opportunities and engage in self-study during evenings or other convenient times. Consequently, this approach can lead to improved outcomes that align with students' goals and aspirations.