TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: for any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成方面做得还不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要提供更多关于广告如何帮助企业成功的具体例子和详细信息。此外，尝试从不同角度探讨这个问题，以使论证更全面。最后，注意避免使用过于口语化的表达。

改进示例1： 原文：Thereupon, it is spending money on advertising and broadcast in influential ares like New York Times Square that can help business enhance their reputation. 修改后：Investing in advertising, especially in influential areas such as New York Times Square, can significantly enhance a business's reputation and brand awareness among potential customers.

改进示例2： 原文：What’s more, exposed to spend on advertising, business are able to have more chance to cooperate other famous merchants, thus financial will undergo a major improvement. 修改后：Moreover, by investing in advertising, businesses can increase their chances of collaborating with well-known partners, which can lead to significant financial growth.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面需要加强。首先，引言部分应简要介绍主题并明确表达观点。其次，在正文部分中，每段落都应该集中讨论一个具体观点，并提供相应的支持细节。最后，结论部分应总结文章的主要观点并呼应引言。

改进示例1： 原文：From my perspective, it is necessary for business to spend a lot of money on advertising. 修改后：In this essay, I will argue that investing heavily in advertising is crucial for businesses to achieve success.

改进示例2： 原文：To conclude, never should we ignore the importance of spending a considerable money on advertising. 修改后：In conclusion, the importance of investing significantly in advertising cannot be underestimated, as it plays a vital role in enhancing a business's reputation and fostering financial growth.

5. 语法批改

The issue regarding whether for any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising has provoked a soaring debate. From my perspective, it is necessary for business to spend a lot of money on advertising.

Spending numerous money on advertising contributes to increasing the influence. Due to the proverbial reality that the influence of social media is global, there is hardly any doubt that modern people are living in the information and technology era. Thereupon, it is spending money on advertising and broadcast in influential ares like New York Times Square that can help business enhance their reputation. Evidently, when other entrepreneurs see the advertisement, they are more likely to cooperate with the business who show in the advertisement. What’s more, exposed to spend on advertising, business are able to have more chance to cooperate otherto other(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) famous merchants, thus financial will undergo a major improvement.

To conclude, never should we ignore the importance of spending a considerable moneyconsiderable money(Articles: a + uncountable noun) on advertising.

Title: 6 文章修订

The debate surrounding the necessity of businesses spending a significant amount of money on advertising to achieve success has garnered considerable attention. In my opinion, investing heavily in advertising is indeed crucial for businesses to thrive.

Allocating substantial funds towards advertising plays a pivotal role in expanding a company's influence. Given the undeniable fact that we live in an era dominated by information and technology, the global reach of social media cannot be overlooked. Consequently, investing in advertising and promoting one's brand in prominent locations such as New York Times Square can significantly enhance a business's reputation. When other entrepreneurs notice these advertisements, they are more inclined to collaborate with the featured companies. Furthermore, by allocating resources to advertising, businesses increase their chances of forming partnerships with renowned merchants, leading to substantial financial growth.

In essence, the importance of dedicating considerable resources to advertising should never be underestimated as it serves as a catalyst for business success and expansion. (162 words)

The issue regarding whether for any business to be successful, it must spend a lot debate surrounding the necessity of businesses spending a significant amount of money on advertising to achieve success has provoked a soaring debate. From garnered considerable attention (revised for clarity and natural tone). In my perspective, it opinion, investing heavily in advertising is necessary for business to spend a lot of money on advertising. indeed crucial for businesses to thrive (revised for natural tone).

Spending numerous money on advertising contributes to increasing the influence. Due to the proverbial reality Allocating substantial funds towards advertising plays a pivotal role in expanding a company's influence (revised for clarity and natural tone). Given the undeniable fact that the influence we live in an era dominated by information and technology, the global reach of social media is global, there is hardly any doubt that modern people are living in the information and technology era. Thereupon, it is spending money on advertising and broadcast in influential ares like cannot be overlooked (revised for clarity and natural tone). Consequently, investing in advertising and promoting one's brand in prominent locations such as New York Times Square that can help business significantly enhance their reputation. Evidently, when a business's reputation (revised for clarity and natural tone). When other entrepreneurs see the advertisement, notice these advertisements, they are more likely to cooperate inclined to collaborate with the featured companies (revised for clarity and natural tone). Furthermore, by allocating resources to advertising, businesses increase their chances of forming partnerships with renowned merchants, leading to substantial financial growth (revised for clarity and natural tone).

In essence, the importance of dedicating considerable resources to advertising should never be underestimated as it serves as a catalyst for business who show in the advertisement. What’s more, exposed to spend on advertising, business are able to have more chance to cooperate other famous merchants, thus financial will undergo a major improvement. ¶ To conclude, never should we ignore the importance of spending a considerable money on advertising.success and expansion (revised for clarity and natural tone).

8 思维导图

- Title: The Necessity of Businesses Spending on Advertising for Success
  - Introduction
    - Debate on advertising investment
    - Personal opinion: crucial for businesses to thrive
  - Expanding Company Influence
    - Era of information and technology
    - Global reach of social media
    - Prominent advertising locations (e.g., New York Times Square)
  - Enhancing Business Reputation
    - Attracting entrepreneurs for collaboration
    - Forming partnerships with renowned merchants
  - Financial Growth and Expansion
    - Increased chances of partnerships and collaborations 
  - Conclusion 
    - Importance of dedicating resources to advertising 

9 关键词