TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Parents of university students should be allowed to check their children's test scores without permission.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

此篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，但在观点阐述和论据方面还有待加强。建议在论证观点时，可以多举一些具体的例子，以增强说服力。同时，尝试使用更多的连接词和过渡词来使文章更连贯。

示例1： 原文：Therefore, parents have the right to know the test scores. 修改：Therefore, parents have the right to know the test scores because they are responsible for their children's education and well-being.

示例2： 原文：In this way, parents can help their children to analyze whether there are better study strategies to adopt. 修改：In this way, parents can help their children to analyze whether there are better study strategies to adopt, such as time management techniques or seeking additional tutoring.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面基本合理，但在段落划分和过渡词使用上还有改进空间。建议将不同观点放在不同段落中，并使用恰当的过渡词来连接各个段落。

建议1： 将原文中的 "Firstly" 和 "Secondly" 改为独立段落的开头，以便突出两个主要论点。

建议2： 在段落之间添加过渡词，如 "Moreover" 或 "Additionally"，以使文章更连贯。

示例1： 原文：I agree with this statement. Firstly, test scores are important measurements on checking a student's study progress. 修改：I agree with this statement. Firstly, test scores are important measurements for checking a student's study progress.

示例2： 原文：Secondly, by checking the score, parents can find out whether their kids have some trouble in studying. 修改：Moreover, by checking the score, parents can find out whether their kids have some trouble in studying.

5. 语法批改

I agree with this statement. Firstly, test scores are important measurements on checking a student's study progress. To some extent, test scores can reflect the academic performance of a student greatly. Therefore, parents have the right to know the ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) Secondly, by checking the score, parents can find out whether their kids have some trouble in studying. For example, their kids may use some study methods that are inefficient, which results in bad academic performance. In this way, parents can help their children to analyze whether there are better study strategies to adopt. However, if parents are not allowed to check the test scores, their children might not share the reports with them. Therefore, I believe parents should be allowed to check the test scores even without kids' permission.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

I concur with the assertion that parents of university students should be permitted to access their children's test scores without requiring consent. Primarily, test scores serve as crucial indicators for assessing a student's academic progress, often reflecting their scholastic aptitude. Consequently, parents have a legitimate interest in being informed about these results. Moreover, by examining the scores, parents can identify potential challenges their children may face in their studies, such as employing inefficient learning techniques that lead to subpar academic performance. In doing so, parents can assist their offspring in evaluating alternative study strategies to enhance their educational outcomes. Nevertheless, if denied access to test scores, students may withhold this information from their parents. Thus, I maintain that granting parents the ability to review test scores without needing permission is essential. (136 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7 Article Revision

I agree concur with this statement. Firstly, the assertion (changed to avoid repetition of "agree" and "statement") that parents of university students should be permitted (changed for clarity) to access their children's test scores are important measurements on checking without requiring consent (added for specificity). Primarily, test scores serve as crucial indicators (rephrased for clarity) for assessing a student's study progress. To some extent, test scores can reflect the academic performance of a student greatly. Therefore, progress, often reflecting their scholastic aptitude (rephrased to avoid repetition). Consequently, parents have a legitimate interest (rephrased for emphasis) in being informed about these results. Moreover, by examining the right to know the . Secondly, by checking the score, scores, parents can find out whether identify potential challenges (rephrased for clarity) their kids have some trouble children may face in studying. For example, their kids may use some study methods studies, such as employing inefficient learning techniques that are inefficient, which results in bad lead to subpar academic performance. In this way, doing so, parents can help assist their children offspring (changed to analyze whether there are better avoid repetition of "children") in evaluating alternative study strategies to adopt. However, enhance their educational outcomes. Nevertheless, if parents are not allowed denied access to check the test scores, students may withhold this information from their children might not share parents. Thus, I maintain that granting parents the reports with them. Therefore, I believe parents should be allowed ability to check the review test scores even without kids' permission.needing permission is essential (rephrased for emphasis).

8 思维导图

- Parents of university students
    - Access to children's test scores
        - Without requiring consent

- Test scores
    - Crucial indicators
        - Assessing academic progress
        - Reflecting scholastic aptitude

- Legitimate interest of parents
    - Being informed about results

- Examining scores
    - Identify potential challenges
        - Inefficient learning techniques
        - Subpar academic performance

- Assisting offspring
    - Evaluating alternative study strategies
        - Enhance educational outcomes 

- Denied access consequences 
    - Students may withhold information 

9 关键词

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

I concur with the assertion that parents of university students should be permitted to access their children's test scores without requiring consent. Primarily, test scores serve as crucial indicators for assessing a student's academic progress, often reflecting their scholastic aptitude. Consequently, parents have a legitimate interest in being informed about these results. Moreover, by examining the scores, parents can identify potential challenges their children may face in their studies, such as employing inefficient learning techniques that lead to subpar academic performance. In doing so, parents can assist their offspring in evaluating alternative study strategies to enhance their educational outcomes. Nevertheless, if denied access to test scores, students may withhold this information from their parents. Thus, I maintain that granting parents the ability to review test scores without needing permission is essential.