TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: When donating money to charity, what factors do you take into account when choosing between local and international organizations?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，观点清晰，并且有一定的论据支持。但是，为了更好地完成任务，建议在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在阐述观点时，可以加入更多具体的例子和细节，以增强说服力。

2. 文章中部分句子略显生硬，可以尝试使用更自然、流畅的表达。

改进示例：

• 在论述捐款对当地居民产生积极影响时，可以提供更多具体的例子，如“捐款还可以用于改善当地医疗设施和提高社会福利水平。”

• 尝试使用更自然的表达方式，如将“Nowadays, although governments have made efforts to improve people’s living standard, they cannot guarantee that every aspect will be noticed.” 改为 “Despite government efforts to improve living standards, not every aspect can be addressed effectively.”

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定观点，并提供支持细节。但在组织方面还有待改进，建议在以下方面进行调整：

1. 在段落之间加入更明确的过渡词或短语，使文章结构更加清晰。

2. 适当调整句子结构，使文章更具连贯性。

改进示例：

• 在段落之间添加过渡词，如在第二段开头加入“首先”以引出观点：“首先，捐款给当地慈善机构有助于解决市民实际面临的问题。”

• 调整句子结构以增强连贯性，如将“For example, last year, one millionaire donated 2 million yuan to the local charity in my hometown, which was a great number.” 改为 “For example, last year, a millionaire in my hometown donated 2 million yuan to a local charity, making a significant impact on the community.”

5. 语法批改

I concur with Claire’s assertionassertion,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) as she mentioned that international charities are able to solve more complicated problems and have an edge over local charities when it comes to resources and influence scale. However, from my point of view, donating money to local charities contributes to solve problems where citizens are actually facing, which is more beneficial compared to the long-term goal that reached by the international charities. Nowadays, although governments have made efforts to improve people’s living standard, they cannot guarantee that every aspect will be noticed. Therefore, under such circumstances, if wealthy people directly donate to their local charities, this means that their donations can be used to improve local education, healthcare, social welfare, and more, which positively impact local residents. For example, last year, one millionaire donated 2 million yuan to the local charity in my hometown, which was a great number. Additionally, since the local school werewhere(were (where/we)) lack some smart facilities, the local charity used the money to update the desks and chairs in that school, which made a huge difference.

Title: 6 文章修订

I concur with Claire's assertion that international charities possess the capacity to address more complex issues and have an advantage over local charities in terms of resources and scope of influence. However, in my opinion, donating to local charities directly addresses the problems faced by community members, yielding more immediate benefits compared to the long-term goals pursued by international organizations. Although governments strive to enhance living standards, they cannot attend to every concern. In such situations, contributions from affluent individuals to local charities can significantly improve education, healthcare, and social welfare within their communities, positively impacting residents' lives. For instance, last year a millionaire donated 2 million yuan to a local charity in my hometown. The funds were used to upgrade the school's facilities, including replacing outdated desks and chairs, resulting in a substantial improvement for students and staff alike. (143 words)

I concur with Claire’s Claire's assertion as she mentioned [revised for clarity] that international charities are able possess the capacity to solve address more complicated problems complex issues and have an edge advantage over local charities when it comes to in terms of resources and influence scale. scope of influence. However, from in my point of view, opinion [revised for natural tone], donating money to local charities contributes to solve directly addresses the problems where citizens are actually facing, which is faced by community members, yielding more beneficial immediate benefits compared to the long-term goal that reached goals pursued by the international charities. Nowadays, although organizations. Although governments have made efforts strive to improve people’s enhance living standard, standards, they cannot guarantee that attend to every aspect will be noticed. Therefore, under concern [revised for clarity]. In such circumstances, if wealthy people directly donate situations, contributions from affluent individuals to their local charities, this means that their donations charities can be used to significantly improve local education, healthcare, and social welfare, and more, which welfare within their communities, positively impact local residents. impacting residents' lives [revised for clarity]. For example, instance, last year, one year a millionaire donated 2 million yuan to the a local charity in my hometown, which was a great number. Additionally, since hometown. The funds were used to upgrade the local school were lack some smart school's facilities, the local charity used the money to update the including replacing outdated desks and chairs [revised for clarity], resulting in that school, which made a huge difference.substantial improvement for students and staff alike.

8 思维导图

- Introduction
  - Claire's assertion
  - International vs. local charities

- Advantages of international charities
  - Address complex issues
  - Resources and scope of influence

- Benefits of local charities
  - Directly address community problems
  - Immediate benefits

- Government limitations
  - Cannot attend to every concern

- Contributions from affluent individuals
  - Improve education, healthcare, and social welfare

- Example: millionaire donation to hometown charity
  - Upgrade school facilities (desks, chairs)

9 关键词