TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: This week, I want you to discuss assessment criteria. Some schoolteachers give high grades (marks)only to those students who perform well on their homework assignments and tests. Other teachers,however, may give high grades to students who have worked very hard on their assignments buthave not performed so well. Which approach do you think is better: Giving grades based only onperformance, or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得还不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，文章在讨论评估标准时，只关注了成绩方面的因素，没有充分涉及到努力程度的考虑。其次，在阐述观点时，可以更具体地提供一些例子或者详细说明为什么基于表现给予高分是更好的方法。此外，在语言使用和语法方面也有一些错误，需要加以修正。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. 在讨论评估标准时，请确保涵盖了努力程度的因素，并对两种方法进行比较。

2. 在阐述观点时，请提供具体的例子或详细说明为什么基于表现给予高分是更好的方法。

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织角度来看，这篇文章可以进一步改进。虽然文章包含了引言、主体和结论部分，但在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡。此外，在主体部分中可以更明确地划分出不同的观点和论据。最后，建议在结论部分总结文章的主要观点，并给出一个明确的结论。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. 在段落之间加入过渡句，使文章在逻辑上更加连贯。

2. 在主体部分中明确划分不同的观点和论据，并在结论部分总结文章的主要观点。

5. Grammar

Paul presents a compelling argument in favor of ranking high scores for students who do not perform well but have a diligent attitude. Admittedly, cultivating a hard-working nature is taken adavantageadvantage for future appilanceapplication of students. Nevertheless, considering that modern educational environment requires not only a positive learning attitude, but also a strengthened acadaemic performence.academic performance. I am inclined to point out that marking high marks for good-grade students can enhance the confidence level of those who have a strong talent in studying. Ranking high grades for students who establish well in acadaemic performenceacademic performance is eseentiallyessentially a underlying motivation to them, instead of only a score. In other words, if a students getstudent gets high-ranked in aan exam, the other students, who have already knowedknown the score, may convey aan admiring feeling to the student. That well-performed student,student will actually feel more confident and have more stimulation in keeping working to get a high score because of a clear, strongstrong, and positive self-learning. Therefore, those talenetdtalented students will continue toworkto work in order to contribute their high scores.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

Revised Essay:

Paul presents a compelling argument in favor of awarding high grades to students who demonstrate a diligent attitude, even if their performance is not outstanding. Indeed, cultivating a strong work ethic can be advantageous for students in their future endeavors. However, considering that the modern educational environment demands not only a positive learning attitude but also robust academic performance, I am inclined to argue that awarding high grades based on performance can enhance the confidence of academically talented students.

Assigning high grades to those who excel academically serves as an underlying motivation for them, rather than merely being a numerical score. In other words, when a student achieves a high rank in an exam and receives admiration from their peers, they are likely to feel more confident and motivated to maintain their strong performance due to this clear and positive reinforcement of their self-directed learning. Consequently, these talented students will continue striving for excellence, contributing further to their academic success. (166 words)

Paul presents a compelling argument in favor of ranking high scores for awarding (revised for clarity) high grades to students who do demonstrate (revised for clarity) a diligent attitude, even if their performance is not perform well but have a diligent attitude. Admittedly, outstanding. Indeed, cultivating a hard-working nature is taken adavantage for strong work ethic can be advantageous (corrected spelling) for students in their future appilance of students. Nevertheless, endeavors (revised for clarity). However, considering that the modern educational environment requires demands not only a positive learning attitude, attitude but also a strengthened acadaemic performence. robust academic performance (revised for clarity), I am inclined to point out argue that marking high marks for good-grade students awarding high grades based on performance can enhance the confidence level of academically talented students.

Assigning high grades to those who have a strong talent in studying. Ranking high grades for students who establish well in acadaemic performence is eseentially a excel academically serves as an underlying motivation to for them, instead of only a score. rather than merely being a numerical score (revised for clarity). In other words, if a students get high-ranked when a student achieves a high rank in a exam, the other students, who have already knowed the score, may convey a admiring feeling to the student. That well-performed student, will actually an exam and receives admiration from their peers (revised for clarity), they are likely to feel more confident and have more stimulation in keeping working to get a high score because of a clear, motivated to maintain their strong performance due to this clear and positive self-learning. Therefore, those talenetd reinforcement of their self-directed learning (revised for clarity). Consequently, these talented students will continue towork in order to contribute their high scores.striving for excellence, contributing further to their academic success.

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Paul's argument
   - Importance of work ethic
   - Modern educational environment

2. High grades for performance
   - Motivation for academically talented students
   - Confidence boost

3. Positive reinforcement
   - High rank in exams
   - Admiration from peers

4. Self-directed learning
   - Striving for excellence
   - Academic success

Display title: 9 关键词