TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: octor Achebe: Next, we’ll be discussing the future of higher education, focusing on proposals for making post secondary education (education after high school) more efficient and more accessible. One such proposal is to make class attendance optional. For instance, under an optional-attendance policy, university students could choose not to attend classes but instead study the course materials and acquire the knowledge on their own time.Their grade would then be based entirely on exams or papers. What are your thoughts on this approach? Claire: I like the idea of optional attendance. University students have a lot going on, and sometimes it’s difficult to make it to class. As long as students are held accountable for the information they’re supposed to learn, I don’t see why they should have to attend every class session, especially for classes that meet multiple times a week. Andrew: I have to disagree with Claire. I think that class attendance policies foster another important kind of accountability. They teach discipline and responsibility. Many of the jobs that university or trade school students will pursue after graduation have their own attendance policies, so students should see class attendance as good preparation for entering the workforce

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现一般。虽然作者对于问题提出了自己的观点，但是论述过程中没有充分利用阅读材料中的信息。建议在写作时更加关注阅读材料中的观点和论据，以便更好地参与讨论。

改进示例1： Instead of saying "I'm afraid that I don't agree with Claire and Andrew's opinions toward this idea," you could write, "While Claire supports optional attendance, and Andrew opposes it due to the importance of discipline, I believe that mandatory attendance is essential for effective teaching and creating a fair learning environment."

改进示例2： You can use evidence from the reading passage to support your argument, such as "As Andrew mentioned, many jobs have their own attendance policies, so attending classes regularly can help students develop good habits for their future careers."

4.文章结构与组织

文章结构方面有待提高。虽然有简单的引言、主体和结论，但段落之间缺乏明确的逻辑关系和过渡。建议在写作时更加注重段落之间的衔接，并使用恰当的过渡词汇来表达思路。

改进示例1： 在第二段开头，可以使用过渡词汇来引出观点，例如："Firstly, attending classes regularly is a sign of respect for the teachers who put effort into preparing and delivering the lectures."

改进示例2： 在第三段和第四段之间，可以加入过渡句子来连接两个观点，例如："In addition to fostering a sense of community among students, mandatory attendance also ensures a fair learning environment for all."

5. 语法批改

I'm afraid that I don't agree with Claire and Andrew's opinions toward this idea. I think it's a student's responsibility to attend each class on time, which can do great help to teachers' management of teaching, and meanwhile can make every student's feeling considered. it‘sit’s(Non-standard word) respectful that teachers take time to give students class, so it’s important to attend the class to show their respect to teachers. TheIn the(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'in' is missing in a sentence.) students sitting in a classroom or hall, teachers are available to interact with students, which can help them change the content that transports according to students’ reactions on the spot. studentsStudents(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) gathering together can also make all of them together without a difference. For those students who may not be good in one class, they can share the feelings that all the students are learning together in the same way. whichWhich(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) can motivate them to hurry to catch up. Although making the optional-attendance policy can really save some bright students' time on other experiments or volunteer work, I still think that it is critical for the university to offer a fair and friendly environment for studying

6.文章修订

While I appreciate the perspectives of both Claire and Andrew, I believe that mandatory class attendance is crucial for effective teaching and fostering a fair learning environment. Firstly, attending classes regularly demonstrates respect for the teachers who invest time and effort in preparing and delivering lectures. This mutual respect between students and educators is essential for maintaining a positive academic atmosphere.

Moreover, in-person interactions between teachers and students facilitate real-time adjustments to the content being taught based on student reactions. This dynamic learning experience cannot be replicated through self-study alone. Additionally, when students attend classes together, they can share their learning experiences and support one another in their academic journey. This sense of camaraderie can motivate struggling students to catch up with their peers.

Although implementing an optional attendance policy may benefit some high-achieving students by allowing them more time for extracurricular activities or research projects, it is crucial for universities to provide an equitable and inclusive environment for all learners. By enforcing mandatory attendance, institutions can ensure that every student has access to the same educational opportunities while also instilling essential values such as discipline and responsibility that will serve them well in their future careers. (198 words)

I'm 7.文章批改

While I appreciate the perspectives of both Claire and Andrew (changed "I'm afraid that I don't agree with Claire and Andrew's opinions toward this idea. idea" to make the statement more formal and clear), I think it's believe that mandatory class attendance is crucial for effective teaching and fostering a student's responsibility to fair learning environment. Firstly, attending classes regularly demonstrates respect for the teachers who invest time and effort in preparing and delivering lectures (rephrased to emphasize the importance of respecting teachers). This mutual respect between students and educators is essential for maintaining a positive academic atmosphere.

Moreover, in-person interactions between teachers and students facilitate real-time adjustments to the content being taught based on student reactions (revised to highlight the benefits of in-person learning). This dynamic learning experience cannot be replicated through self-study alone. Additionally, when students attend each class on time, which can do great help to teachers' management of teaching, and meanwhile can make every student's feeling considered. ¶ it‘s respectful that teachers take time to give students class, so it’s important to attend the class to show their respect to teachers. The students sitting in a classroom or hall, teachers are available to interact with students, which can help them change the content that transports according to students’ reactions on the spot. students gathering together can also make all of them together without a difference. For those students who may not be good in one class, classes together, they can share the feelings that all the students are their learning together experiences and support one another in the same way. which their academic journey (rephrased to emphasize the sense of camaraderie among students). This sense of camaraderie can motivate them to hurry struggling students to catch up. up with their peers.

Although making the optional-attendance implementing an optional attendance policy can really save may benefit some bright students' high-achieving students by allowing them more time on other experiments for extracurricular activities or volunteer work, I still think that research projects (added specific examples), it is critical for the university to offer a fair and friendly crucial for universities to provide an equitable and inclusive environment for studyingall learners. By enforcing mandatory attendance, institutions can ensure that every student has access to the same educational opportunities while also instilling essential values such as discipline and responsibility that will serve them well in their future careers (revised to emphasize fairness and importance of values).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Appreciate perspectives
  • Mandatory attendance importance

• Respect for teachers

  • Regular attendance
  • Positive academic atmosphere

• In-person interactions

  • Real-time adjustments
  • Dynamic learning experience

• Camaraderie among students

  • Shared experiences
  • Motivation for struggling students

• Equitable environment

  • Optional attendance drawbacks
  • Essential values: discipline, responsibility

9.关键词