TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you think that online shopping is, on the whole, affecting society?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章回答了题目，并对在线购物对社会的影响进行了讨论。但是，文章可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在支持观点时，可以提供更多具体的例子和细节。

2. 可以尝试引入更多不同的观点，并对它们进行讨论和比较。

改进示例：

• 在讨论环境污染问题时，可以提供更多关于在线购物如何减少碳排放量的数据和研究。

• 可以引入关于在线购物可能导致实体店消失的观点，并分析这种情况对社会产生的影响。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面表现良好，有明确的引言、主体和结论。然而，在以下方面仍有改进空间：

1. 在段落之间加入更明确的过渡词或短语，使文章阅读起来更连贯。

2. 每个段落中可以加入更多支持细节，使观点更加充实。

改进示例：

• 在讨论环境污染问题的段落中，可以使用过渡词如“此外”或“同时”，使文章更连贯。

• 在讨论实体店消失问题的段落中，可以提供更多关于这种情况对社会产生的影响的细节。

5. 语法批改

I agree with Kelly's idea that online shops have a positive effect on our society, since it can improve the environmental pollution issue. To be more specific, if people buy things online, they would not have to go out, which would lead to lessfewer(fewer with countable nouns (less)) cars on the street, further reducing the pollutants released to the environment. At the same time, purchasing items online can effectively reduce the use of plastic bags, which is also a benefit to the environment. According to a survey conducted by ZheJiangZhejiang(misspelling) University, in the recent 20 years after online shop started to gain popularity, the pollutants in some big cities decreased by 20%. Still, some may argue that online shops have eliminated some job opportunities, but it actually will not affect much ourin our(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'in' is missing in a sentence.) society, those who have to close their local stores can open an online store to sell their products. Under this circumstance, the problem can be solved. Therefore, I agree with the idea that online shops play an advantageous role in our society.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Revised Essay:

Undoubtedly, online shopping has significantly impacted society, bringing both positive and negative consequences. One notable advantage is its potential to alleviate environmental pollution. Specifically, by opting for online purchases, individuals can avoid using their vehicles for shopping trips, subsequently reducing traffic congestion and vehicular emissions. Additionally, online shopping can contribute to a decrease in plastic bag usage, further benefiting the environment. A study conducted by Zhejiang University revealed that over the past two decades, as online shopping gained popularity, pollution levels in major cities dropped by 20%.

While it is true that the closure of local stores due to online competition may lead to job losses, this issue can be mitigated by embracing the digital marketplace. Traditional store owners can transition to selling their products through online platforms, thereby adapting to changing consumer preferences and preserving employment opportunities within their communities. Consequently, it can be argued that the overall influence of online shopping on society is largely advantageous when considering its environmental benefits and potential for economic adaptation. (175 words)

I agree with Kelly's idea that online shops have a Undoubtedly, online shopping has significantly impacted society (clarification: emphasizes the broad influence of online shopping), bringing both positive effect on our society, since it can improve the and negative consequences. One notable advantage is its potential to alleviate environmental pollution issue. To be (revised for clarity and conciseness). Specifically, by opting for online purchases, individuals can avoid using their vehicles for shopping trips, subsequently reducing traffic congestion and vehicular emissions (rephrased for clarity). Additionally, online shopping can contribute to a decrease in plastic bag usage, further benefiting the environment (rephrased for clarity). A study conducted by Zhejiang University revealed that over the past two decades (clarification: more specific, if people buy things online, they would not have to go out, which would lead to less cars on the street, further reducing the pollutants released to the environment. At the same time, purchasing items online can effectively reduce the use natural phrasing), as online shopping gained popularity, pollution levels in major cities dropped by 20% (revised for clarity and conciseness).

While it is true that the closure of plastic bags, which is also a benefit to the environment. According to a survey conducted by ZheJiang University, in the recent 20 years after online shop started to gain popularity, the pollutants in some big cities decreased by 20%. Still, some may argue that online shops have eliminated some job opportunities, but it actually will not affect much our society, those who have to close their local stores can open an online due to online competition may lead to job losses (rephrased for clarity), this issue can be mitigated by embracing the digital marketplace. Traditional store to sell owners can transition to selling their products. Under this circumstance, the problem products through online platforms (revised for clarity), thereby adapting to changing consumer preferences and preserving employment opportunities within their communities. Consequently, it can be solved. Therefore, I agree with the idea argued that online shops play an the overall influence of online shopping on society is largely advantageous role in our society.when considering its environmental benefits and potential for economic adaptation (rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

8 思维导图

1. 网络购物对社会的影响
   - 正面影响
     - 减少环境污染
       - 减少交通拥堵和车辆排放
       - 减少塑料袋使用
   - 负面影响
     - 传统商店关闭导致失业问题

2. 应对策略
   - 传统商店转型为线上销售平台
     - 适应消费者需求变化
     - 保持社区内的就业机会

9 关键词