TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarizing the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯与衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

总体来说，文章在回应任务要求方面做得不错，但仍有一些改进空间。首先，在引用听力部分的论据时，可以更详细地解释这些论据是如何质疑阅读材料中的观点的。此外，尝试使用更多的同义词和短语来避免重复。

示例1： 原文：The professor dispute the opinion. 修改：The professor challenges the claim made in the reading passage.

示例2： 原文：The professor opposes that keeping healthy requires many factors such as time and genetic make-up. 修改：The professor argues that maintaining a healthy lifestyle depends on various factors, including time constraints and genetic predispositions.

4.文章结构与组织 文章在结构和组织方面有待加强。首先，需要为文章添加一个简洁明了的引言部分，概述阅读材料和听力材料之间的关系。其次，在正文段落中，确保每个段落都集中讨论一个主要观点，并提供支持细节。最后，在结尾部分总结文章内容并重新陈述主要观点。

示例1： 添加引言：In this essay, the points made in the lecture will be summarized, explaining how they cast doubt on the specific points made in the reading passage about wellness incentive programs.

示例2： 改进段落结构：The first point made by the professor is that the motivation provided by incentive programs may not be long-lasting. He argues that while these programs can offer some initial motivation, many people eventually revert to their old habits, such as smoking or regaining lost weight. This challenges the reading passage's claim that incentives significantly increase the chances of quitting smoking or losing weight.

5. 语法批改

The speaker claims that all three points in reading material fail to prove the incentive programs isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") favorable. First, the reading material makes the point that awards in incentive program can act as motivation of people to develop healthy life stylelifestyle(life style (lifestyle)). The professor dispute the opinion. He cites that it is true the program can offer motivation. But it cannot last for a long-term. Results showing in previous research are jusjust(misspelling) intermediate results. Similar research lasting for longer term like 2 years show that many people keep their life stylelifestyle(life style (lifestyle)) as before. They still smoke and gain most of weightmost weight(all/most/some (of) + noun) they lost before. While it can offer some motivations, it cannot last as long as reading material imply. Second, the author believes that people who are healthy deserve prizeprize,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) such as paying smaller healthy insurance fees. The professor opposes that keeping healthy requires many factorsfactors,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) such as time and genetic make-up. Some people do not have time for exercising. They have to take care of their children or parents. Some people have difficulties to keep healthy because of their geneticalgenetic(misspelling) problems. It is not really fair for people who are not healthy to pay more. Since different people do not have the same controls. Finally, the writer asserts that the intensives save companies money in a longer term. The professor holds a different perspectivesa different perspective(Agreement: 'a' + plural word). He explains the cost of the incentives given by a companiesa company(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) cannot reduce the losses in employee productivity due to illness. Employees may leave and go to another company after a few years, so money of incentive program spent on them did not pay back causebecause(confusion of cause vs. because) they do not stay in the company anymore.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The lecturer contends that the three points presented in the reading material fail to demonstrate the effectiveness of incentive programs. Firstly, the reading passage asserts that rewards in such programs can motivate people to adopt healthier lifestyles. However, the professor disputes this claim, arguing that while these incentives may provide initial motivation, they do not ensure long-term commitment. He highlights that previous research only showcases intermediate results, whereas studies conducted over a longer period (e.g., two years) reveal that many individuals revert to their previous habits, such as smoking and regaining lost weight. Thus, the benefits of these incentives may not be as enduring as implied by the reading material.

Secondly, the author posits that healthier individuals deserve rewards like reduced health insurance fees. The professor opposes this notion, emphasizing that maintaining good health depends on various factors such as time and genetic predispositions. Some people lack time for exercise due to family responsibilities like childcare or eldercare. Others face difficulties in staying healthy because of genetic factors predisposing them to weight gain or other health issues. Consequently, it may not be entirely fair for less healthy individuals to pay higher insurance fees or receive fewer benefits since they do not have equal control over their circumstances.

Lastly, the writer claims that incentive programs save companies money in the long run by reducing losses in employee productivity due to illness. The professor offers a different perspective on this matter: he explains that while companies invest in these incentives for their employees' well-being, they may not necessarily see a return on investment if employees leave for other job opportunities after a few years. In such cases, money spent on incentive programs does not yield any financial benefits for the company since departing employees no longer contribute to productivity gains from improved health outcomes. (305 words)

The speaker claims that all lecturer contends that the three points in presented in the reading material fail to prove demonstrate the effectiveness of incentive programs (changed "prove the incentive programs is favorable. First, favorable" to "demonstrate the effectiveness of incentive programs" for clarity and better word choice). Firstly, the reading passage asserts that rewards in such programs can motivate people to adopt healthier lifestyles. However, the professor disputes this claim (replaced "dispute the opinion" with "disputes this claim" for better subject-verb agreement), arguing that while these incentives may provide initial motivation, they do not ensure long-term commitment. He highlights that previous research only showcases intermediate results, whereas studies conducted over a longer period (e.g., two years) reveal that many individuals revert to their previous habits, such as smoking and regaining lost weight. Thus, the benefits of these incentives may not be as enduring as implied by the reading material makes the point that awards in incentive program can act as motivation of people to develop healthy life style. The professor dispute the opinion. He cites that it is true the program can offer motivation. But it cannot last for a long-term. Results showing in previous research are jus intermediate results. Similar research lasting for longer term (rephrased for clarity and smoother sentence flow).

Secondly, the author posits that healthier individuals deserve rewards like 2 years show that many people keep their life style as before. They still smoke and gain most of weight they lost before. While it can offer some motivations, it cannot last as long as reading material imply. Second, the author believes that people who are healthy deserve prize such as paying smaller healthy reduced health insurance fees. The professor opposes that keeping healthy requires many this notion (changed "opposes that" to "opposes this notion" for better phrasing), emphasizing that maintaining good health depends on various factors such as time and genetic make-up. predispositions. Some people do not have lack time for exercising. They have to take care of their children exercise due to family responsibilities like childcare or parents. Some people have eldercare. Others face difficulties to keep in staying healthy because of genetic factors predisposing them to weight gain or other health issues. Consequently, it may not be entirely fair for less healthy individuals to pay higher insurance fees or receive fewer benefits since they do not have equal control over their genetical problems. It is not really fair for people who are not healthy to pay more. Since different people do not have the same controls. Finally, circumstances (revised sentence structure for clarity).

Lastly, the writer asserts that the intensives claims that incentive programs save companies money in a longer term. The professor holds a different perspectives. He explains the cost of the incentives given the long run by a companies cannot reduce the reducing losses in employee productivity due to illness. Employees The professor offers a different perspective on this matter: he explains that while companies invest in these incentives for their employees' well-being, they may not necessarily see a return on investment if employees leave and go to another company for other job opportunities after a few years, so years (rephrased for better sentence flow). In such cases, money of incentive program spent on them did not pay back cause they do not stay in incentive programs does not yield any financial benefits for the company anymore.since departing employees no longer contribute to productivity gains from improved health outcomes (revised sentence structure for clarity).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
    - Reading material's claims
    - Lecturer's counterarguments

- Point 1: Motivation for healthier lifestyles
    - Reading: Rewards motivate people
    - Lecture: No long-term commitment, previous habits return

- Point 2: Deserving rewards for good health
    - Reading: Reduced health insurance fees for healthier individuals
    - Lecture: Factors like time and genetics, fairness issue

- Point 3: Saving companies money through productivity gains
    - Reading: Reduced losses in employee productivity due to illness
    - Lecture: No return on investment if employees leave, no financial benefits for the company

9. Keywords