TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on personal development. Wirte a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，文章需要更多的具体例子来支持观点。其次，尽管大部分句子表达清晰，但部分语法和用词仍有错误。建议学生在写作时注意检查语法和词汇的准确性。

Example 1: Original: "The comfort or appraises are supplement to build your confidence, but not the deciding factor to leading you towards your goal." Improved: "The comfort or praise you receive is a supplement to building your confidence, but not the deciding factor in leading you towards your goal."

Example 2: Original: "Until next time, when someone else surpasses you and replaces your initial position, the reputation you’ve got before would transform to the newly-promoted person." Improved: "When someone else surpasses you and takes your initial position, the reputation you had previously will be transferred to the newly-promoted person."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面表现良好，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间添加更明确的过渡词或短语会使文章更连贯。此外，可以考虑将观点与学生A和B的观点进行更紧密的对比，以便更好地参与讨论。

Example 1: Original: "In my opinion, I agree with Daisy’s opinion that letting people know your strength is not a must to your success." Improved: "In my opinion, I agree with Student B's viewpoint that letting people know your strengths is not a prerequisite for success."

Example 2: Original: "Therefore, not letting others’ know about your success does not necessarily means that you are not successful enough." Improved: "Therefore, choosing not to showcase your achievements to others does not necessarily mean that you are any less successful."

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I agree with Daisy’s opinion that letting people know your strength is not a must to your success. Compared with the support from others, the key of success primarily depends on your personal ability and strength. The comfort or appraises are supplementa supplement(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) to build your confidence, but not the deciding factor to leading you towards your goal. If you strive for other’s acknowledgment without improving yourself, you are actually building your confidence on other people. Furthermore, the praise you receive from them are considerable short-lived. Suppose you are ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') well-performed employee. Not only did you get a great score in the last quarter’s evaluation, but also you won other colleagues’ respect. But the congratulation does not last long, after a week, the thing that you won a reward would fade away in other coworkers’ minds. Until next time, when someone else surpasses you and replaces your initial position, the reputation you’ve got before would transform to the newly-promoted person. Therefore, not letting others’ know about your success does not necessarily meansmean(Non-infinitive verb after did/does) that you are not successful enough.

Display title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, I concur with the perspective that openly showcasing one's strengths is not essential for achieving success. Success primarily hinges on an individual's abilities and determination, rather than external validation or praise. While recognition from others can bolster one's confidence, it should not be the driving force behind one's pursuit of success. Reliance on external validation may result in building confidence on a shaky foundation.

Moreover, accolades and commendations are often fleeting. For instance, imagine being a high-performing employee who has excelled in recent evaluations and earned the respect of colleagues. The congratulations received may be short-lived; within a week, your accomplishments might fade from your coworkers' memories. Eventually, someone else may surpass you and take your place in the spotlight, transferring the attention to themselves. Consequently, not broadcasting one's achievements does not necessarily equate to a lack of success. It is crucial to focus on self-improvement and personal growth rather than seeking constant approval from others. (163 words)

In my opinion, I agree concur with Daisy’s opinion the perspective (revised for clarity and conciseness) that letting people know your strength openly showcasing one's strengths is not a must to your essential (revised for better word choice) for achieving success. Compared with the support Success primarily hinges on (revised for better word choice) an individual's abilities and determination, rather than external validation or praise. While recognition from others, the key others can bolster one's confidence, it should not be the driving force behind one's pursuit of success primarily depends on (revised for clarity). Reliance on external validation may result in building confidence on a shaky foundation (revised for better word choice and clarity).

Moreover, accolades and commendations are often fleeting (revised for better word choice). For instance, imagine being a high-performing employee who has excelled in recent evaluations and earned the respect of colleagues. The congratulations received may be short-lived; within a week, your personal ability and strength. The comfort or appraises are supplement to build accomplishments might fade from your confidence, but not the deciding factor to leading you towards your goal. If you strive for other’s acknowledgment without improving yourself, you are actually building your confidence on other people. Furthermore, the praise you receive from them are considerable short-lived. Suppose you are an well-performed employee. Not only did you get a great score in the last quarter’s evaluation, but also you won other colleagues’ respect. But the congratulation does not last long, after a week, the thing that you won a reward would fade away in other coworkers’ minds. Until next time, when coworkers' memories (revised for clarity). Eventually, someone else surpasses may surpass you and replaces take your initial position, the reputation you’ve got before would transform place in the spotlight, transferring the attention to the newly-promoted person. Therefore, not letting others’ know about your themselves (revised for clarity). Consequently, not broadcasting one's achievements does not necessarily equate to a lack of success does not necessarily means that you are not successful enough.(revised for better word choice). It is crucial to focus on self-improvement and personal growth rather than seeking constant approval from others (revised for clarity).

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - 成功的定义
   - 个人能力与决心的重要性

2. 外部认可与自信心
   - 不依赖外部认可
   - 自信心的建立

3. 荣誉与表扬的短暂性
   - 高绩效员工例子
   - 成就被遗忘的可能性

4. 他人超越与注意力转移
   - 竞争中被取代的现象
   - 不展示成就并不意味着缺乏成功

5. 专注于自我提升与个人成长
   - 内在动力的重要性
   - 不寻求他人不断的认可和赞美

6. 结论 

9 关键词