TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Some educators think that in our global, tech-oriented world, students need to focus on nonfiction texts, such as news stories, technical manuals, or other informational materials. They say that reading poetry, novels, and short stories is not the optimal use of the limited time that students have in the classroom. How do you view this approach to education? Should schools limit the teaching of fictional texts in favor of teaching more practical, nonfiction texts?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

虽然你的文章回答了问题，但还有很多可以改进的地方。首先，你需要更清晰地表达观点，并提供更多相关的例子来支持你的观点。此外，注意避免语法错误和不自然的表达。

示例1（改进前）：Equipped with abundant knowledge, they are more likely to be permitted to a high-salary company to earn more money. 示例1（改进后）：With a solid foundation in practical knowledge, students are more likely to secure high-paying jobs in reputable companies.

示例2（改进前）：Consequently, their working achievement will contributing to the technological development of the society. 示例2（改进后）：As a result, their professional accomplishments will contribute significantly to the technological advancement of society.

4. 文章结构与组织

在文章结构和组织方面，你需要确保引入段落清晰地概述了你的主要观点，并在正文段落中详细阐述这些观点。此外，请确保使用恰当的过渡词汇连接不同段落和观点。

建议1：在引言中明确提出论点，并简要概述支持论点的理由。 建议2：使用过渡词汇（例如，首先、其次、最后等）来组织文章，并确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定的观点。

示例1（改进前）：Echoing Claire sentiments, i suppose that school should fix on teaching more practical, nonfiction texts. 示例1（改进后）：I agree with Claire's perspective that schools should prioritize teaching practical, nonfiction texts over fictional works.

示例2（改进前）：Firstly, many students are burdened with financial pressure, thus they need to find a good job in the future to alleviate that pressure. 示例2（改进后）：Firstly, due to the financial pressures faced by many students, it is essential for them to secure well-paying jobs in the future, which can be achieved through a focus on practical knowledge.

5. Grammar

Echoing Claire sentiments, iI(i vs. I) suppose that school should fix on teaching more practical, nonfiction texts. Firstly, many students are burdened with financial pressure, thus they need to find a good job in the future to alleviate that pressure. If they are able to learn more professional knowledge at school, it is beneficial to their career development. Equipped with abundant knowledge, they are more likely to be permitted to a high-salary company to earn more money. Secondly, school should be responsible for the society ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) Therefore, school should aim at cultivating students’ specific techniques, which may do great effort to stimulate society development. For instance, nowadays, many schoolmany schools(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + singular countable noun) have the coding class, through which students can master the knowlegeknowledge(misspelling) of coding and use it to their future work. Consequently, their working achievement will contributingcontribute(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) to the technological development of the society. In the contrast, if the school focus on teaching the fictional books, our society may lack of workforce to solve some complex technological problems, impeding society development.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

In agreement with Claire's perspective, I believe that schools should prioritize teaching practical, nonfiction texts. Firstly, numerous students face financial pressures and need to secure stable employment in the future to alleviate these burdens. By acquiring professional knowledge in school, they can enhance their career prospects. Well-equipped with a wealth of expertise, they are more likely to be employed by high-paying companies and earn a substantial income. Secondly, schools should be accountable to society by fostering students' specialized skills, which can significantly contribute to societal advancement. For example, many schools now offer coding classes that enable students to master programming knowledge and apply it in their future careers. As a result, their professional accomplishments will drive the technological progress of society. Conversely, if schools primarily focus on teaching fictional literature, our society may experience a shortage of skilled workers capable of addressing complex technological challenges, ultimately hindering societal development. (153 words)

Echoing Claire sentiments, i suppose In agreement with Claire's perspective (revised for clarity and formality), I believe that school schools should fix on prioritize (rephrased for a more natural tone) teaching more practical, nonfiction texts. Firstly, many numerous students are burdened with (changed "many" to "numerous" for variety) face financial pressure, thus they pressures and need to find a good job secure stable employment in the future to alleviate that pressure. If they are able to learn more these burdens (rephrased for clarity). By acquiring professional knowledge at in school, it is beneficial to they can enhance their career development. Equipped prospects. Well-equipped with abundant knowledge, a wealth of expertise (rephrased for better flow), they are more likely to be permitted to a high-salary company to employed by high-paying companies and earn more money. a substantial income. Secondly, school schools should be responsible for the accountable to society . Therefore, school should aim at cultivating students’ specific techniques, (rephrased for clarity) by fostering students' specialized skills, which may do great effort to stimulate society development. can significantly contribute to societal advancement. For instance, nowadays, example, many school have the schools now offer coding class, through which classes that enable students can to master the knowlege of coding and use programming knowledge and apply it to in their future work. Consequently, careers (revised for better flow). As a result, their working achievement professional accomplishments will contributing to drive the technological development of the progress of society. In the contrast, Conversely, if the school schools primarily focus on teaching the fictional books, literature (rephrased for clarity), our society may lack of workforce to solve some experience a shortage of skilled workers capable of addressing complex technological problems, impeding society challenges, ultimately hindering societal development.

8 思维导图

- 标题: 实用非小说文本的教学优先
  - 学生面临的经济压力
    - 稳定的就业前景
  - 提高职业技能
    - 对社会负责
      - 社会进步
        - 技术发展
  - 反例: 小说文学教育为主
    - 缺乏技能人才
      - 社会发展受阻

9 关键词