TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: With the development of social media and electronic devices, people can get access to news whenever and wherever they are. However, among all the new reports, most of them may have nothing to do with people’s daily life. Do you think people should know about events happening around the world even if they have little influence on their daily lives?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

你的文章在任务完成度方面表现不错，但仍有一些可以改进的地方。首先，在引用学生A和学生B的观点时，可以更详细地解释他们的观点以及为什么你同意或不同意他们的看法。此外，你可以提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。

示例1（改进）： 例如，学生B提到阅读与自己生活无关的新闻会浪费时间。我同意这一观点，因为我们应该把时间花在对我们有实际帮助的事情上，比如工作、学习或锻炼。

示例2（改进）： 另外，在讨论全球化对新闻影响力的问题时，可以提供一个具体案例来说明为什么我们不需要关注那些对我们生活影响较小的新闻。例如，在英国麦价上涨可能会影响到台湾谷物价格这个例子中，只有当这个小事件变成大事件时，我们才需要了解它。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，你可以在引言部分更明确地陈述你的观点。其次，在正文部分，尝试使用更清晰的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1（改进）： 在引言部分，可以这样表达：“鉴于碎片化阅读对我们信息筛选的负面影响以及我们没有足够的时间处理那些无关紧要的新闻，我认为我们不需要关注对我们生活影响较小的新闻。”

示例2（改进）： 在正文部分，可以使用过渡词如“此外”、“然而”或“因此”来连接不同观点。例如：“此外，我们每天都有很多事情要做，没有足够的时间去关心那些与我们生活无关的新闻。”

5. 语法批改

As the news widespread into our life, more and more information enter our life as well. So how to filter those rumors and useless laughingstock is vital in our life. Under this circumstance, we must learn how to select the news which benefit us a lot. Therefore, I believe we don't need to know about news that has little impact on our lives. Firstly, the moremore,(The older the more we ...) the betterbetter,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) this principle is not suitable for news. Because, as we all knowknow,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) the disadvantage of fragmented reading is far beyond it'sits(its vs. it's) benefit. If we get too much information our brain will overload which may meant we can't remember what we have read. Every time which spent on those fragmented reading will be wasted. Secondly, we have a lot of things to do, we don't have enough time to care about those useless things. Reading those things just add our burden and stress. We can't get the useful knowledge or skills. Thirdly, someone may say as the globalization start, even a small thing will cause a huge impact, so we should learn every single thing. However, they don't realize once the small things turn into the big things, we will know the cause and effect easily. Thus, we don't need to spend extra time to get to know about those small things. In essence, due to the fact that fragmented reading is bad for our information filter and, and(comma between independent clauses) we don't have enough time to deal with those small newsthis small news('this' vs. 'these'). ThereforeTherefore,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) we just need to care about the news which can make a huge impact on our lives.

Title: 6 文章修订

In today's world, the proliferation of news and information has become an integral part of our lives. Consequently, it is crucial to discern between valuable news and irrelevant content. I believe that it is unnecessary to be informed about events with minimal impact on our daily lives.

Firstly, the principle of "the more, the better" does not apply to news consumption. The detrimental effects of fragmented reading far outweigh its benefits. An overload of information can lead to cognitive strain, making it difficult for us to retain what we have read. Time spent on such reading is ultimately wasted.

Secondly, our lives are filled with various responsibilities and commitments, leaving us with limited time to focus on trivial matters. Engaging with insignificant news only adds to our stress levels without providing any useful knowledge or skills.

Thirdly, some may argue that due to globalization, even minor events can have far-reaching consequences; therefore, we should be aware of every single occurrence. However, this perspective overlooks the fact that once a seemingly small event evolves into a significant issue, its cause and effect become readily apparent. As a result, there is no need to invest additional time in understanding these minor incidents.

In summary, considering the drawbacks of fragmented reading and our limited time availability, it is essential to prioritize news that has a substantial impact on our lives. By focusing on relevant information and disregarding inconsequential events, we can make better use of our time and mental resources while staying informed about matters that truly matter. (258 words)

Title: 7 Tips for Filtering News

As the news becomes more widespread into our life, more and more information enter our life as well. So in our lives, it is essential to filter out rumors and irrelevant content. Learning how to filter those rumors and useless laughingstock is vital in our life. Under this circumstance, we must learn how to select the news which benefit us a lot. beneficial news is crucial. Therefore, I believe we don't need to know about news that has little impact on our lives.

Firstly, the principle of "the more, the better" (clarified phrase) does not apply to news consumption. Fragmented reading has more the better this principle is not suitable for news. Because, as we all know the disadvantage of fragmented reading is far beyond it's benefit. disadvantages than benefits (rephrased for clarity). If we get consume too much information information, our brain will overload which may meant we can't become overloaded (simplified sentence), making it difficult to remember what we have read. Every time which Time spent on those fragmented such reading will be is ultimately wasted.

Secondly, we have a lot of things to do, with numerous responsibilities and commitments in our lives (rephrased for clarity), we don't have enough time to care focus on trivial matters. Reading about those useless things. Reading those things just add our burden and stress. We can't get the insignificant events only adds to our stress levels without providing any useful knowledge or skills. skills (rephrased for clarity).

Thirdly, someone some may say as the globalization start, argue that due to globalization, even a small thing will cause a huge impact, so minor events can have far-reaching consequences; therefore, we should learn be aware of every single thing. occurrence (rephrased for clarity). However, they don't realize this perspective overlooks the fact that once the a seemingly small things turn event evolves into the big things, we will know the a significant issue, its cause and effect easily. Thus, we don't become readily apparent (rephrased for clarity). As a result, there is no need to spend extra invest additional time to get to know about those small things. in understanding these minor incidents.

In essence, due to the fact that summary, considering the drawbacks of fragmented reading is bad for our and our limited time availability (rephrased for clarity), it is essential to prioritize news that has a substantial impact on our lives. By focusing on relevant information filter and we don't have enough time to deal with those small news. Therefore we just need to care about the news which and disregarding inconsequential events (rephrased for clarity), we can make a huge impact on our lives.better use of our time and mental resources while staying informed about matters that truly matter.

8 思维导图

- Introduction
  - Proliferation of news and information
  - Importance of discerning valuable news from irrelevant content

- Point 1: Detrimental effects of fragmented reading
  - Overload of information
  - Cognitive strain
  - Difficulty retaining information

- Point 2: Limited time and focus on trivial matters
  - Responsibilities and commitments
  - Stress levels increase without useful knowledge or skills gained

- Point 3: Globalization and minor events' consequences
  - Counterargument: minor events can have far-reaching consequences
  - Rebuttal: significant issues become apparent when they evolve from small events, no need to invest time in understanding minor incidents 

- Conclusion:
  - Prioritize news with substantial impact on our lives
  - Focus on relevant information and disregard inconsequential events for better use of time and mental resources 

9 关键词